Anonymous wrote:Before you respond, I would try to lose some of your defensiveness and focus on empathy: "You matter so much to me as a friend and I'm sorry I haven't been there for you. When you went quiet, I thought that meant you wanted space, but I should have asked you. Let's talk about how I can support you."

100% this. She was there for you OP. Don't forget that.

You knew she was going through a tough time. Why didn't you say, "You're really quiet these days. I don't want to assume--would you like some space, or is there some way that I can help?"

Anonymous wrote:Before you respond, I would try to lose some of your defensiveness and focus on empathy: "You matter so much to me as a friend and I'm sorry I haven't been there for you. When you went quiet, I thought that meant you wanted space, but I should have asked you. Let's talk about how I can support you."

OP does not have that kind of self awareness, PP.

Before you respond, I would try to lose some of your defensiveness and focus on empathy: "You matter so much to me as a friend and I'm sorry I haven't been there for you. When you went quiet, I thought that meant you wanted space, but I should have asked you. Let's talk about how I can support you."

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I am selfish for not bing able to mind read?

It's not mind-reading, it's basic social skills and the ability to see outside of yourself. When people are going through a tough time, they tend to withdraw. That's not a "your friend" thing, that's a "most people" thing. Just because they're withdrawing, though, doesn't mean they don't need support, which includes their friends reaching out to them regularly even when they're not as responsive as usual. Again, that's not a "your friend" thing, it's a "most people" thing. You dropped the ball with your friend because you either don't have the social skills to understand what you should have done, or because you were too self-absorbed to consider what you could/should do for her as a friend. Either way, that's on you, not her.

I don’t think your problem is not being ready to read minds. I think you may struggle relating to your friend when she is not acting in a way that is not what you wish/expect.

Anonymous wrote:I don't think I am selfish for not bing able to mind read?

You are selfish because you think that's the issue. No one is expecting you to read minds. Everyone who is not a crappy friend recognizes that people who are going through stressful times may not be as proactive with friendships as they would otherwise be. You need to stop making this about you. Keep reaching out. It costs you nothing.

Same thread literally comes up once a month.

If you were texting daily because you needed/wanted support and then you disappeared when you didn't need it any more, she feels used. And she's not wrong.

I don't think I am selfish for not bing able to mind read?