Anonymous
Post 08/31/2018 12:39     Subject: Re:How do you deal with in laws do dislike you?
Anonymous wrote:I don't know what is worse. In laws who dislike you and who show it directly or those who dislike you but use subtle hypocritical ways to show it. My MIL falls in the latter category, always calling me honey and pretending to be concerned about me in front of my DH.


Mine is like that too, though she had some moments that my dh caught her for who she really is. I keep things cordial. While we aren’t great with each other she’s an excellent grandparent so we keep it about the kids. She sees them often and we talk about the kids and then we go home.
Anonymous
Post 08/31/2018 12:28     Subject: Re:How do you deal with in laws do dislike you?
I don't know what is worse. In laws who dislike you and who show it directly or those who dislike you but use subtle hypocritical ways to show it. My MIL falls in the latter category, always calling me honey and pretending to be concerned about me in front of my DH.
Anonymous
Post 08/31/2018 11:33     Subject: Re:How do you deal with in laws do dislike you?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:They may not, but don’t let it get to you. Think of them as acquaintances to whom you need to be respectful and polite. You don’t need them to like you. I can understand your disappointment. I can understand you wanting this, but it’s a nice to have not a need to have.

Sitting out family events seems petty, childish, and rude. You need to set a good example.

Letting people treat you poorly is not setting a good example.


This. Silence gives consent. You don't have to make a fuss, but you also don't need to stick around to put up with it.


+1
Anonymous
Post 08/29/2018 18:26     Subject: How do you deal with in laws do dislike you?
Anonymous wrote:I echo the advice to let it go. It was hard for me as well in the beginning, but I quickly understood that it was not me, it was her. She mistreats her own children and since I drew boundaries for how she treated me and my children, she did not like that one bit. I am and have always been civil and kind, but firm. As a result of her own actions, she does not have the kind of relationship with my kids or even her son that she would otherwise. I don't keep them from her and we attend family events, but we are not close. My parents live out of state and my kids feel closer to my parents than to her who lives 10 miles away. I feel sorry for her actually. I think she needed therapy years ago and never sought it.

I have the exact same relationship with mine. It’s sad.
Anonymous
Post 08/29/2018 16:59     Subject: How do you deal with in laws do dislike you?
I echo the advice to let it go. It was hard for me as well in the beginning, but I quickly understood that it was not me, it was her. She mistreats her own children and since I drew boundaries for how she treated me and my children, she did not like that one bit. I am and have always been civil and kind, but firm. As a result of her own actions, she does not have the kind of relationship with my kids or even her son that she would otherwise. I don't keep them from her and we attend family events, but we are not close. My parents live out of state and my kids feel closer to my parents than to her who lives 10 miles away. I feel sorry for her actually. I think she needed therapy years ago and never sought it.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2018 19:16     Subject: How do you deal with in laws do dislike you?
PP here. My fil is wealthy and well connected. If DH would try to stand up to him, FIL could easily make our life miserable. FIL is a narcissist and he would not hesitate to use money or lawyers to destroy our family.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2018 19:07     Subject: How do you deal with in laws do dislike you?
Anonymous wrote:It is hard, very hard. With my mil things got better over time but my fil doesn’t even hide that he feels I am low class, stupid etc. He only recently started interacting with me (in a very cold way) to get access to my dc. I want to cry when I see him but for the peace of the family I try to keep a courteous facade. Sigh.


You don't have an IL problem. You have a DH problem. It is unacceptable for your FIL to show his disdain for you.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2018 19:04     Subject: Re:How do you deal with in laws do dislike you?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:They may not, but don’t let it get to you. Think of them as acquaintances to whom you need to be respectful and polite. You don’t need them to like you. I can understand your disappointment. I can understand you wanting this, but it’s a nice to have not a need to have.

Sitting out family events seems petty, childish, and rude. You need to set a good example.

Letting people treat you poorly is not setting a good example.


This. Silence gives consent. You don't have to make a fuss, but you also don't need to stick around to put up with it.


+1
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2018 18:58     Subject: How do you deal with in laws do dislike you?
It is hard, very hard. With my mil things got better over time but my fil doesn’t even hide that he feels I am low class, stupid etc. He only recently started interacting with me (in a very cold way) to get access to my dc. I want to cry when I see him but for the peace of the family I try to keep a courteous facade. Sigh.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2018 18:57     Subject: Re:How do you deal with in laws do dislike you?
My FIL not my MIL is the real asshole in the family. He changed his will 10 times and cut his own daughter for little mistake. I just don't talk to him really, plus he is not a talking type.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2018 18:34     Subject: Re:How do you deal with in laws do dislike you?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:They may not, but don’t let it get to you. Think of them as acquaintances to whom you need to be respectful and polite. You don’t need them to like you. I can understand your disappointment. I can understand you wanting this, but it’s a nice to have not a need to have.

Sitting out family events seems petty, childish, and rude. You need to set a good example.

Letting people treat you poorly is not setting a good example.


This. Silence gives consent. You don't have to make a fuss, but you also don't need to stick around to put up with it.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2018 17:50     Subject: How do you deal with in laws do dislike you?
Anonymous wrote:OP are you sure you haven’t contributed to the problem? There are two sides to every story.


Yes, OP took their precious little boy away from them.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2018 17:48     Subject: Re:How do you deal with in laws do dislike you?
Anonymous wrote:They may not, but don’t let it get to you. Think of them as acquaintances to whom you need to be respectful and polite. You don’t need them to like you. I can understand your disappointment. I can understand you wanting this, but it’s a nice to have not a need to have.

Sitting out family events seems petty, childish, and rude. You need to set a good example.

Letting people treat you poorly is not setting a good example.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2018 17:47     Subject: How do you deal with in laws do dislike you?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:My MIL made it clear she did not like me. What was interesting is that she did not like anyone who was married to her children. In later years the only one that would visit her was her younger daughter. She never knew her grandkids and a died a bitter shrew. I would ignore and let your spouse visit her alone.


What has her treatment of you to do with her grandkids?


She once brought over Christmas gifts for the kids to put under the tree. She got mad at my husband and took them all back. Than goodness they were really little. We cut off contact after that.
Anonymous
Post 08/28/2018 17:43     Subject: Re:How do you deal with in laws do dislike you?
They may not, but don’t let it get to you. Think of them as acquaintances to whom you need to be respectful and polite. You don’t need them to like you. I can understand your disappointment. I can understand you wanting this, but it’s a nice to have not a need to have.

Sitting out family events seems petty, childish, and rude. You need to set a good example.