Anonymous
Post 08/27/2018 22:12     Subject: Why do some people have to compromise but others don’t?
Anonymous wrote:Why were you born in the lap of luxury in the current age and not in the 14th century, in the middle of the Serengeti?

So many questions, OP. Expand your horizons.


my father always says we live better than the emperors. They had no AC, no heating, no modern medicine, the thrones were hard on their asses and backs, not the comfy couches we laze on... and travel in horse drawn carts was a total pain.

Anonymous
Post 08/27/2018 22:06     Subject: Why do some people have to compromise but others don’t?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have girlfriends who literally seem to have married men who are too good to be true. Handsome. Super successful. Wealthy. With great personalities who treat their wives so well. These women are so so happy and thankful. They got really really lucky!

I also know other women who didn’t get lucky at all. Some who are perpetually single and others who very obviously settled for good enough men so they wouldn’t be alone. Why no love for these women?


I used to be married to a very wealthy man who was also cold. Our marriage was awful, though we wanted for nothing materially. He was good looking, successful, social, and was generally good to me. He didn't hit me or cheat on me. He wasn't a drug addict. He was nice to our child. But he wasn't warm. It wasn't a loving marriage.

Several years after we separated, I met the man I'm married to now. We rent an apartment and almost never travel because it's too expensive. He's overweight and is losing his hair. He's pretty introverted and doesn't like going to social stuff. But our marriage is amazing. He's so sweet to me and our child that none of the stuff that would seem like a compromise even matters to me. I would rather stay home with DH for the rest of time than go on every extravagant vacation my ex could dream up.


Wow I'd go for Husband #1 in a heartbeat.
Anonymous
Post 08/27/2018 22:04     Subject: Why do some people have to compromise but others don’t?
Anonymous wrote:And a lot of it has to do with what you expect. Not what you claim to want, but what you truly deep down expect to receive.


This is so true. I have a beautiful, successful girlfriend who always attracts and dates guys who are disrespect of her. I just found out recently that her father hit her and her mother when she was growing up. It is so sad.
Anonymous
Post 08/27/2018 21:53     Subject: Re:Why do some people have to compromise but others don’t?
PP here, just to clarify, my mom thought I was a *fat* failure, hence my comment about being a size 2...not that I equate that with worthiness...
Anonymous
Post 08/27/2018 21:51     Subject: Re:Why do some people have to compromise but others don’t?
I had terrible role models for rekationships, and low Self esteem .despite graduating at the top of my class at an ivy and being a size 2, my mother lead me to believe I was a failure. I was pursued by good men in my 20s and I broke it off whenever it got serious, and dated fixer uppers because I knew they wouldn't leave me/we're not out if my league. By the time I realized my self worth and had done the therapy I was 36.

So it was not luck but my own lack of perspective. In a way, my mother proved to be right... although I'm married with kids and a job.but I fled from some amazing guys and dated losers... ugh. Wish I could go back in time and just have faith...

Anonymous
Post 08/27/2018 20:26     Subject: Why do some people have to compromise but others don’t?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Life isn't fair.


Fit Yale grads who make at least $250k a year, are over 5’ 11, and aren’t loons just simply are not available. What’s your backup plan?


My DH is exactly this, plus the nicest person you will ever meet. I am incredibly lucky and I never forget it. But, I also started dating him back at Yale when he was a scrawny, nerdy kid with no money, a big brain, and a lot of potential. You have to play the long game.
Anonymous
Post 08/27/2018 19:47     Subject: Re:Why do some people have to compromise but others don’t?
Luck. And maturity.

When I was in high school I dated a verbally and emotionally abusive boy who was a year or two older than me, and super smart and popular. He went to an Ivy. I went to a ... non Ivy. I broke up with him my freshman year. I started dating a boy at the grad school of my school. He was great. Like, mind-blowingly great. But on paper, he didn't get into an Ivy.

I married him. He's everything you could want in a husband, Ivy be damned. Some things you think are important, actually mean nothing.
Anonymous
Post 08/27/2018 19:40     Subject: Why do some people have to compromise but others don’t?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I got lucky like that. My husband does well financially but more than that, he treats me like a princess. He takes care of all the small unpleasant details in life (from taxes and bills to travel details to taking my car to get serviced. I never do any of that stuff. For instance we’re on a beach vacation and I’m sitting in the house nominally watching the kids watch tv while he breaks down the beach tent and chairs).

I’m the first to admit I got supremely lucky. He’s just a great, kind, hard working guy.


So where did you compromise? It must be somewhere. No one is perfect.


Not sure because I don’t think I did. I got married at 24. No one settles at that age gets or bothers to get married if they’re not madly in love, lol.

I recently posted on another board about a different topic but anyway it cane up that my DH gets our kids breakfast in the morning during the summer and let’s me sleep in (I’m a SAHM). People were outraged about it which surprised me. To me this is just a small, kind gesture that people who love each other do to be nice.

I also got married at 24 and think that is part of the reason it worked out. I hadn't developed the capacity for doubting my major life decisions yet Luckily it worked out very well for me!
Anonymous
Post 08/27/2018 19:38     Subject: Why do some people have to compromise but others don’t?
Why were you born in the lap of luxury in the current age and not in the 14th century, in the middle of the Serengeti?

So many questions, OP. Expand your horizons.
Anonymous
Post 08/27/2018 19:35     Subject: Why do some people have to compromise but others don’t?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I got lucky like that. My husband does well financially but more than that, he treats me like a princess. He takes care of all the small unpleasant details in life (from taxes and bills to travel details to taking my car to get serviced. I never do any of that stuff. For instance we’re on a beach vacation and I’m sitting in the house nominally watching the kids watch tv while he breaks down the beach tent and chairs).

I’m the first to admit I got supremely lucky. He’s just a great, kind, hard working guy.


So where did you compromise? It must be somewhere. No one is perfect.


Not sure because I don’t think I did. I got married at 24. No one settles at that age gets or bothers to get married if they’re not madly in love, lol.

I recently posted on another board about a different topic but anyway it cane up that my DH gets our kids breakfast in the morning during the summer and let’s me sleep in (I’m a SAHM). People were outraged about it which surprised me. To me this is just a small, kind gesture that people who love each other do to be nice.


Is your DH the same age as you? (Line within 5 years or older?)


He’s 5 years older
Anonymous
Post 08/27/2018 19:28     Subject: Why do some people have to compromise but others don’t?
Anonymous wrote:Life isn't fair.


Fit Yale grads who make at least $250k a year, are over 5’ 11, and aren’t loons just simply are not available. What’s your backup plan?
Anonymous
Post 08/27/2018 19:20     Subject: Why do some people have to compromise but others don’t?
Anonymous wrote:Life isn't fair.


This. Some people just get luckier than others—that’s true in all aspects of life, love included.
Anonymous
Post 08/27/2018 17:15     Subject: Why do some people have to compromise but others don’t?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I got lucky like that. My husband does well financially but more than that, he treats me like a princess. He takes care of all the small unpleasant details in life (from taxes and bills to travel details to taking my car to get serviced. I never do any of that stuff. For instance we’re on a beach vacation and I’m sitting in the house nominally watching the kids watch tv while he breaks down the beach tent and chairs).

I’m the first to admit I got supremely lucky. He’s just a great, kind, hard working guy.


So where did you compromise? It must be somewhere. No one is perfect.


Not sure because I don’t think I did. I got married at 24. No one settles at that age gets or bothers to get married if they’re not madly in love, lol.

I recently posted on another board about a different topic but anyway it cane up that my DH gets our kids breakfast in the morning during the summer and let’s me sleep in (I’m a SAHM). People were outraged about it which surprised me. To me this is just a small, kind gesture that people who love each other do to be nice.


Is your DH the same age as you? (Line within 5 years or older?)
Anonymous
Post 08/27/2018 17:06     Subject: Why do some people have to compromise but others don’t?
Everyone has their own strife.

I have a fantastic DH and great kids. And I have experienced a lot of death and pain in my life. But I am so grateful every day for the things and people I do have.

Honestly I think gratitude plays a lot into it. My mom is perpetually dissatisfied and a big part of it is that she is constantly looking for something better. She can't be happy with what is in front of her. It has made her successful in ways I'll never achieve but it has made her personally kind of a sad and wistful person.

I love my life, and whenever I get frustrated with DH I remind myself of all the things I love about him. Do that every day and you end up really loving someone!
Anonymous
Post 08/27/2018 17:04     Subject: Why do some people have to compromise but others don’t?
Life isn't fair.