Anonymous
Post 08/22/2018 13:20     Subject: Is all PTA volunteering like a pyramid scheme?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:One of the moms I know from my kids' school always signs up for some big PTA gig - auction chair or that sort of thing. Then she tries to get everyone she knows to do some part of the work. I totally understand that all the big events etc require a village to pull off. But I feel like I'm constantly getting gang-pressed into stuff that I just don't want to do. I work FT and so I have to be strategic about how and when to volunteer at my kids' schools, and finding sponsors for the back-to-school carnival would not be on my list. So I would never sign up to do it! But the mom in question is very nice and our kids are friends, so I have trouble saying sorry, I'm too busy (esp bc of the SAHM-WOHM dynamics.) Same way I might feel social pressure to buy some MLM crap that I'd never pick up in an actual store.

And it occurred to me that this is not accidental - the only way this stuff gets done is if some parent takes on a big job and then arm-twists/guilt-trips her friends into helping. Which makes me feel extra badly about the whole situation. Can anyone else relate to this? And does anyone have a really persuasive way to extricate yourself from this kind of thing? I know, I could just say no, but I feel like I'm being insulting or unsupportive.


OP, please consider how offensive it is to compare the pTA to a pyramid scheme, when no one is making any profit off hard work on big events like the carnival, which everyone hates but the kids love.

Then re-read the bolded part. The problem is not your fried nor is it the PTA, not even the stupid carnival. The problem is you apparently can't say no. Grow a spine, set some boundaries, say yes when you can and no when you can't and move on with your life. You can't say no, so everyone else is the problem? Um, no. Life is too short to feel guilty every minute of the day for saying reasonably, no.


This. Op-you're slandering people volunteering their time and you don't have adult skills to say no. Look inwards.


NP.

It's more complicated than this.

My experience is some of the people who do the asking have expectations for how things should be done that don't match mine. I don't need the pinterest level carnival or room party. My kids don't need it. And I don't find it enjoyable and I don't want to do it. That's where it gets awkward. It's not just saying no and moving on. It's I've said yes agreeably and now you're bulldozing me with your Martha Stewart level aspirations.

See: Too much time on people's hands.
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2018 13:11     Subject: Is all PTA volunteering like a pyramid scheme?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:One of the moms I know from my kids' school always signs up for some big PTA gig - auction chair or that sort of thing. Then she tries to get everyone she knows to do some part of the work. I totally understand that all the big events etc require a village to pull off. But I feel like I'm constantly getting gang-pressed into stuff that I just don't want to do. I work FT and so I have to be strategic about how and when to volunteer at my kids' schools, and finding sponsors for the back-to-school carnival would not be on my list. So I would never sign up to do it! But the mom in question is very nice and our kids are friends, so I have trouble saying sorry, I'm too busy (esp bc of the SAHM-WOHM dynamics.) Same way I might feel social pressure to buy some MLM crap that I'd never pick up in an actual store.

And it occurred to me that this is not accidental - the only way this stuff gets done is if some parent takes on a big job and then arm-twists/guilt-trips her friends into helping. Which makes me feel extra badly about the whole situation. Can anyone else relate to this? And does anyone have a really persuasive way to extricate yourself from this kind of thing? I know, I could just say no, but I feel like I'm being insulting or unsupportive.


OP, please consider how offensive it is to compare the pTA to a pyramid scheme, when no one is making any profit off hard work on big events like the carnival, which everyone hates but the kids love.

Then re-read the bolded part. The problem is not your fried nor is it the PTA, not even the stupid carnival. The problem is you apparently can't say no. Grow a spine, set some boundaries, say yes when you can and no when you can't and move on with your life. You can't say no, so everyone else is the problem? Um, no. Life is too short to feel guilty every minute of the day for saying reasonably, no.


This. Op-you're slandering people volunteering their time and you don't have adult skills to say no. Look inwards.
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2018 13:09     Subject: Is all PTA volunteering like a pyramid scheme?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I SAH and my friends have learned I am generally a “no.” I’m good for a discrete commitment like help with Bingo night set up, helping distribute spirit wear, etc. But I’m not interesting in an ongoing commitment. I feel zero guilt because it’s a lot of bored moms creating make-work. Some of it is really over the top.


This. So much of this is unnecessary and just a way for moms to stay busy, socializing with their friends. At least IMO.


I'm going to go against the trend and agree with this somewhat.

I volunteer and support PTA doing events and programming FOR THE KIDS. Too much at my school is for the adults to socialize and over the top things for the teachers. The teachers get plenty of classroom-level and individual parent love. And they get a salary. Teachers do not need a potluck lunch provided for them on teacher conference days or a weeklong extravaganza for teacher appreciation week.


Well, that's your school--maybe you should speak up and offer a different opinion about what you think should be done, since you clearly have spare time to complain about your PTA on the internet. My PTA does amazing enrichment activities for the kids, funds 200$ classroom budgets for each teacher to buy supplies, pays for extra tutoring for kids not meeting grade level standards, and has a pantry of emergency supplies for poor families to access. I'm not a PTA officer, and I don't volunteer much, but they do amazing things for our school.
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2018 13:06     Subject: Is all PTA volunteering like a pyramid scheme?
Anonymous wrote:The secret lies in working independently. I enjoy volunteering for the PTA, but I limited myself to attending the occasional meeting and very much working behind the scenes. Need someone to set up or clean up or count money or reorganize the PTA storage area? Sign me up. I'm an excellent, independent worker bee type.

Teachers need help, too. I've been the on call mom who can be relied upon to supplement class supplies, snacks, find something odd for a project, etc. Not everything has to be done via PTA. I served as a teacher helper - filing, copying, cutting out display pieces, all outside of the class. One day a week for an hour.

Do what makes you happy, on your time, on your schedule. Say no. Realize that there will be times in your life that are busier with your own family; there may be entire school year where you have no time or interest or energy to do a thing. That's ok.




+1 Love this.
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2018 13:06     Subject: Is all PTA volunteering like a pyramid scheme?
NP. PTA parents, chill. No one is expressing disdain for parent volunteers. The problem is that after already being made aware of volunteer opportunities and deciding not to do them, PTA parents keep asking. Some of them take no for an answer like an adult. Some of them huff and puff and roll their eyes and say "well we're all busy!" It's that second set of parents who we can't stand.

My child attends a small private. There was a small group of parent volunteers who would plan all sorts of activities and then whine when they didn't have droves of parents volunteering to help them. I said yes to a few things, and no to everything else. It was incredibly annoying to be asked a second and third time about the same activity after I had already said no.

Finally, a critical mass of those parents left the school and the new parent association cut way, way back on activities. It's been great. There are still activities to volunteer for, but now they usually have enough parents because people are not spread so thin.
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2018 13:04     Subject: Is all PTA volunteering like a pyramid scheme?
Anonymous wrote:One of the moms I know from my kids' school always signs up for some big PTA gig - auction chair or that sort of thing. Then she tries to get everyone she knows to do some part of the work. I totally understand that all the big events etc require a village to pull off. But I feel like I'm constantly getting gang-pressed into stuff that I just don't want to do. I work FT and so I have to be strategic about how and when to volunteer at my kids' schools, and finding sponsors for the back-to-school carnival would not be on my list. So I would never sign up to do it! But the mom in question is very nice and our kids are friends, so I have trouble saying sorry, I'm too busy (esp bc of the SAHM-WOHM dynamics.) Same way I might feel social pressure to buy some MLM crap that I'd never pick up in an actual store.

And it occurred to me that this is not accidental - the only way this stuff gets done is if some parent takes on a big job and then arm-twists/guilt-trips her friends into helping. Which makes me feel extra badly about the whole situation. Can anyone else relate to this? And does anyone have a really persuasive way to extricate yourself from this kind of thing? I know, I could just say no, but I feel like I'm being insulting or unsupportive.


OP, please consider how offensive it is to compare the pTA to a pyramid scheme, when no one is making any profit off hard work on big events like the carnival, which everyone hates but the kids love.

Then re-read the bolded part. The problem is not your fried nor is it the PTA, not even the stupid carnival. The problem is you apparently can't say no. Grow a spine, set some boundaries, say yes when you can and no when you can't and move on with your life. You can't say no, so everyone else is the problem? Um, no. Life is too short to feel guilty every minute of the day for saying reasonably, no.
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2018 13:01     Subject: Is all PTA volunteering like a pyramid scheme?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I SAH and my friends have learned I am generally a “no.” I’m good for a discrete commitment like help with Bingo night set up, helping distribute spirit wear, etc. But I’m not interesting in an ongoing commitment. I feel zero guilt because it’s a lot of bored moms creating make-work. Some of it is really over the top.


This. So much of this is unnecessary and just a way for moms to stay busy, socializing with their friends. At least IMO.


I'm going to go against the trend and agree with this somewhat.

I volunteer and support PTA doing events and programming FOR THE KIDS. Too much at my school is for the adults to socialize and over the top things for the teachers. The teachers get plenty of classroom-level and individual parent love. And they get a salary. Teachers do not need a potluck lunch provided for them on teacher conference days or a weeklong extravaganza for teacher appreciation week.
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2018 12:55     Subject: Is all PTA volunteering like a pyramid scheme?
So you think she should single-handedly run the carnival? Plan it, set it up, run every booth, clean it up —all single handedly? It’s literally impossible. So she needs volunteers. And since she knows you, she asks you to help fill in spots. How is this a scheme? Otherwise there would be no carnival.

Btw we are a focus school where 90% of the active volunteers work full time, including our president. There’s no drama and no “making up work” to look important. We are doing it to help the school. And yeah, sometimes it’s annoying to see the same parents happily bring their kids to events and never help, not once. But that’s life. If you don’t want to help, don’t. But don’t fault your friend, who is undoubtedly spending a ton of unpaid organizing events that benefit the children and their families, for asking for help.
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2018 12:52     Subject: Re:Is all PTA volunteering like a pyramid scheme?
It is always the same few parents that do all the volunteer work. It's been that way in every school and in every extracurricular activity my kids have ever been a part of. I volunteered three times this week. It was the same 6-8 parents all three days. Saturday morning we cleaned the concession stands to get ready for the first game. And again, same parents. We are short four people in the concession stand for our first game (band runs concession at our high school). All the regulars are already volunteering. We ask for help because we need help. "Many hands make light work."
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2018 12:46     Subject: Is all PTA volunteering like a pyramid scheme?
The resentment against PTA's bugs me to no end. People don't volunteer and/or claim it's all for a bunch of SAHMs to socialize, but are the first people to start sentences with, "You know what the school should really do..."
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2018 12:45     Subject: Is all PTA volunteering like a pyramid scheme?
The secret lies in working independently. I enjoy volunteering for the PTA, but I limited myself to attending the occasional meeting and very much working behind the scenes. Need someone to set up or clean up or count money or reorganize the PTA storage area? Sign me up. I'm an excellent, independent worker bee type.

Teachers need help, too. I've been the on call mom who can be relied upon to supplement class supplies, snacks, find something odd for a project, etc. Not everything has to be done via PTA. I served as a teacher helper - filing, copying, cutting out display pieces, all outside of the class. One day a week for an hour.

Do what makes you happy, on your time, on your schedule. Say no. Realize that there will be times in your life that are busier with your own family; there may be entire school year where you have no time or interest or energy to do a thing. That's ok.


Anonymous
Post 08/22/2018 12:43     Subject: Re:Is all PTA volunteering like a pyramid scheme?
OP, in all fairness, it sounds like you are creating this scenario for yourself by always volunteering. If you always say yes then your friend is probably counting on you from the get go. Seriously, just start saying no if you can't do it. If your friend keeps bugging you then she is the jerk and you should not feel guilty. I did have a friend share that girl scout leaders are given a list of responses when someone says no to volunteering in the attempt to persuade them. I thought that was crummy. Personally, I have not experienced this in my PTA so I wouldn't say that it works this way across the board. Probably just a different group of personalities.
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2018 12:41     Subject: Is all PTA volunteering like a pyramid scheme?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Please, it was an analogy - I didn't say this mom was benefitting financially and I didn't attack her. But if I wanted to be on the auction committee or head up the back-to-school carnival, I would sign up to do that. Instead, some other parent signs up to be the "chair" and then calls saying how busy she is with some big school event and how she really, really, really needs help. And so every time I find myself sucked into this as a result. And it suddenly occurred to me that this is an effective way to rope in more people than would otherwise sign up (just like pyramid schemes are an effective way to rope in more money.


Well yes. Part of the job is to make sure that they get volunteers, if there weren't enough sign-ups, and it's normal to do this on a 1:1 basis by reaching out to friends. I'm not so sure why this is hard for you to understand? It's not a "pyramid scheme" or an MLM scheme, because the end result is ***fundraising for your child's school ***, not money flowing upwards with no return to you.


This. This is how big projects get done. They get someone to head the project, and if there aren't enough people signing up to work on that event, the leader reaches out directly to people to ask them to help. And people are often more likely to say yes if they are asked personally than if they just get some mass email with a link to a sign-up page.

If you don't want to do it, say no. It's nice if you can counter with something that you are willing to do: "I can't commit to X committee, but I'm happy to help staff the ticket counter at the carnival."
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2018 12:32     Subject: Re:Is all PTA volunteering like a pyramid scheme?
I don't get all the disdain for parents who are actively involved in the PTA. Many of the officers and other people most active in our PTA are working parents. Others SAH. I don't consider any of what they do to be make-work. Sure, most of it (all of it?) is not strictly necessary, but my family really enjoys all of the events our PTA puts on, the after-school activities, etc. I really appreciate all that is done for the teachers for teacher appreciation week so that I don't have to feel personally responsible for doing anything more than a $15 Starbucks card and having my kids make cards. I work but primarily from home and in a flexible job so I do volunteer but not nearly as much as many others, some of whom work longer hours than I do. I so appreciate those who put in so much more than I do.
Anonymous
Post 08/22/2018 12:23     Subject: Is all PTA volunteering like a pyramid scheme?
Anonymous wrote:Please, it was an analogy - I didn't say this mom was benefitting financially and I didn't attack her. But if I wanted to be on the auction committee or head up the back-to-school carnival, I would sign up to do that. Instead, some other parent signs up to be the "chair" and then calls saying how busy she is with some big school event and how she really, really, really needs help. And so every time I find myself sucked into this as a result. And it suddenly occurred to me that this is an effective way to rope in more people than would otherwise sign up (just like pyramid schemes are an effective way to rope in more money.


Well yes. Part of the job is to make sure that they get volunteers, if there weren't enough sign-ups, and it's normal to do this on a 1:1 basis by reaching out to friends. I'm not so sure why this is hard for you to understand? It's not a "pyramid scheme" or an MLM scheme, because the end result is ***fundraising for your child's school ***, not money flowing upwards with no return to you.