I love and appreciate him no matter what his paycheck is. Most important thing to me is that he (mostly) enjoys his work. And I expect the same treatment.

My husband is a police officer and he’s very respected and great at his job. I’m a prosecutor, but I don’t tell him what to do unless he asks or we’re having a two-way discussion. My hours are pretty predictable whereas he often has to work overtime or sometimes gets put on a special shift assignment, so I take on more/his share of the household duties without complaint. I wouldn’t want to work those hours or deal with the people he does “in the wild,” so to speak, so I try to make home life as easy and welcoming as possible for him, because I love him and know he works hard.

I stay out of his way. He knows what he’s doing and I have my own career to tend to.

You should ask my husband this question. I run a company and he's a fed. He does the heavy home-lifting

I try to have sex with his boss.

I let him know through word and deed that his worth does not come from his job or his salary. And he does the same for me.

I take the majority of sick kid days and school events so he doesn't have to since his job is more demanding. And $100K is not floundering. DH is 40 and makes less. I make a lot more than DH. It isn't about salary, it's about being a good spouse.

I don't help. He is grateful. He does all the chores and I don't interfere in his work. Pretty nice deal, don't you think?

nothing. But he does a lot to help mine. Including covering home duty after work on a lot of nights when I work meetings etc.

One of the best things about being divorced is that I can spend my time and energy on my career rather than his. I certainly see the benefits of helping your spouse out if it results in something tangible for the family. That wasn’t our situation.

I moved our whole family across the country for his work, twice. I do everything but empty the dishwasher in terms of chores (though he does things to help me out from time to time). I spent 30+ hours helping him practice for coding interviews. I helped him write his resume. But the career planning and ambition? That’s all him.

Supportive listening, encouraging words, great sex anc some booze.

If you try to fix him he will resent you (your post isn’t clear whether you think he’s floundering or he does. 100k isn’t a nothing salary)

Anonymous wrote:What do you do if anything to support and help him get ahead?

My husband is smart but currently floundering in a 100k job at 30. He has no idea what his next move should be. What can I do to help?

One person's helpful support is another person's nagging criticism. Does he feel like he's floundering, or do you? Does he want to leave the current job or is he happy there?

If he is not happy at the current job and feels himself like he's floundering but doesn't know what he wants to look for next, then you can ask questions and suggest resources. What do you like about your current job? Is there a job/industry out there where you think you could do more of that? What do you dislike about your current job? Is there someone in your field whose career you admire? Could you approach them to talk about how they got to where they are? Those kinds of things. But only if he wants someone to talk it through with. Otherwise just show him confidence that he will figure it out.

Or, if the floudering is because he needs to spend more time at work to excel, you can be supportive by picking up slack on the home front and not complaining about it.

In the early years, i was a charming wife. Traveled to overseas conferences, made nice with the wives, chummed it up with his colleagues. Send xmas cards every year to his global network. He invests in his network a lot too, so i don't think there was any harm in me adding even more. When global colleagues visited DC, we had them stay with us and wined and dined them. His network has definitely helped him achieve a lot by the time he was in his 40s. As he's gotten more senior, so have the young guys who stayed at our home 20 years ago. He has treated so many of these people like family over the years, so it was easy for me to add on to the charm.

As he's gotten more senior, he definitely asks me for input on major decisions (changing jobs, new senior hires, etc). I've invested a lot of time remembering who all these people are over 20 years (even if i've met some of them only once or twice), so i can contribute a lot to these conversations.

A few times a year he will ask me to review an important document before he sends it to the COO, or to a magazine, for a second set of eyes.

I'm a partner in biglaw, so we're not talking about a major time commitment to his work. More an ongoing investment that reaped dividends over 20 years.

I help with cover letters and resumes, as well as conducting mock interviews and actually searching for job listings I think he should apply to. I helped him set up a LinkedIn account.