I think people often minimize the grief associated with loss of pregnancy or still births. it's a different thing when you are the mother and you have gone through this very physically and emotionally devestating experience. please be supportive and do what she's asking you to do if she's being very clear but what she needs. Make sure she knows that you love her and that you're here for her.

I’m so sorry that your sister and your family are going through such pain. You are an incredible sister to help her like you did. Wishing you all peace.

You may want to print this out for your mom. It’s an article about what not to say after the loss of a baby.

https://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5635438

You are a wonderful sister, OP. Hugs to all of you.

Your sister is so lucky to have you. So sorry for your whole family

OP - I'm sure that was very difficult to do but I'm glad to read that you did it. I lost a baby after 40 weeks and my brother did this for me before I came home from the hospital and I could not have been more grateful to him for doing that. He took everything to his house and my husband, who did want to go through everything to say goodbye, went through it there. We all grieve differently - some people suffering this kind of loss find therapy helpful, others don't; some find stories of others helpful, others do not want to hear them at all.

Please don't worry about what your sister "should" do to move forward - just stay close and listen to what she says she needs and wants. You could also do research on resources (support groups, therapists in her area specializing in baby loss, etc) that you can share should she want them so she can access those if she feels she needs them. This is a devastating loss - and with the hysterectomy, it's really two losses she is grieving. A good resource if you haven't found it yet is http://www.glowinthewoods.com/.

I'll be sending thoughts of strength to you and your family.

Op here. Today was "the day" where I went and cleaned everything out. She wrote a note saying to take everything including crib and car seat in garage. I YOUtubed how to take apart crib and it went fairly quickly. I am keeping everything for the time being. She said to clean out all her maternity clothes except for a few items she is wearing still. I dropped then off at goodwill. I feel so empty but hopeful this will help.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If she's not getting some kind of therapy, she needs it. That kind of trauma and loss--not just the baby, but the prospect of having any more--plus postpartum hormones puts her at terribly high risk for for postpartum depression.

You might help by researching options and helping her get there.

OP here. I think this is a lot of it. We didn't want to put all her personal information out there but it seems as if every.single.person. has some version of "she can try again" or tells a personal story of their miscarriage and how they had a "rainbow" baby a year or so later. These stories are even starting to hurt ME and this isn't about me. I almost want to tell everyone before they come through the door or send a card or whatever that she has no uterus. Thanks for letting me vent.

Depending on your relationship with your sister, you can filter those cards. Tell her "so and so sent a nice card" and then toss it. As for visitors, give a generic pre-game talk before they come in. "Please do not talk about trying for another baby."

And YES, talk to your mother, send her articles on what to say after somebody has a loss, etc...