Anonymous
08/10/2018 12:26
Subject: Anyone’s child get pregnant during college?
Anonymous wrote:OP— I’m the PP whose Aunt is raising the don’s kid. I would encourage you and your husband to have a serious discussion, and figure out what you can reasonably do to support DD if she keeps her child. Maybe you are planning to work another 15 years in order to comfortably retire, and are breaking the bank to pay for college. Or maybe the time and money are there to support her and the child while she finishes college and starts her career. You need to be very clear upfront what you can and cannot do.
I would also encourage you to push your DD to look at the practicalities. Can she afford to stay at her college? Will she need to move near where you live? Where will she live once the baby is born? How will she support it? Heath insurance? Childcare?
I know it must be overwhelming for her and you. She needs as much info as possible.
+1. Have a very practical, unemotional discussion. Lay out what you will and won't do.
Personally I'd want to make it clear that the assumption won't be, "well Mom and Dad will make this work".
Anonymous
08/10/2018 12:24
Subject: Anyone’s child get pregnant during college?
OP- she will be fine. i went a hyps and there were three women who went through this. Ones parents literally raised her kid until she finished college so she was pregnant, gave birth and was back in school with no obligations. After college she went back home. I'm sure it was a hard decision but she was able to get her degree and is now a teacher. The other girls took a year off and came back with their babies. It will work out.
Anonymous
08/10/2018 12:23
Subject: Re:Anyone’s child get pregnant during college?
Anonymous wrote:Don't tell the father until next summer. Seriously, you don't need a custody battle during infancy and he can't provide child support yet and you don't want him to not complete college so he can provide support later.
This is an excellent way to make sure the dad is not involved with the child. Which ultimately hurts the child.
Anonymous
08/10/2018 12:14
Subject: Re:Anyone’s child get pregnant during college?
Don't tell the father until next summer. Seriously, you don't need a custody battle during infancy and he can't provide child support yet and you don't want him to not complete college so he can provide support later.
Anonymous
08/10/2018 12:14
Subject: Anyone’s child get pregnant during college?
OP— I’m the PP whose Aunt is raising the don’s kid. I would encourage you and your husband to have a serious discussion, and figure out what you can reasonably do to support DD if she keeps her child. Maybe you are planning to work another 15 years in order to comfortably retire, and are breaking the bank to pay for college. Or maybe the time and money are there to support her and the child while she finishes college and starts her career. You need to be very clear upfront what you can and cannot do.
I would also encourage you to push your DD to look at the practicalities. Can she afford to stay at her college? Will she need to move near where you live? Where will she live once the baby is born? How will she support it? Heath insurance? Childcare?
I know it must be overwhelming for her and you. She needs as much info as possible.
I would also encourage you to push your DD to look at the practicalities. Can she afford to stay at her college? Will she need to move near where you live? Where will she live once the baby is born? How will she support it? Heath insurance? Childcare?
I know it must be overwhelming for her and you. She needs as much info as possible.
Anonymous
08/10/2018 12:12
Subject: Re:Anyone’s child get pregnant during college?
I'm the poster with the amazing niece.
I also have many friends who have daughters get pregnant during HS/college. I also have many friends that had children in college and did not stay with the father.
It all works out in the end. I had 1 friend get an apartment with her best friend and the best friend helped her out when she was in class. By far the saddest day was when the best friend got married and had to move out.
I had 2 friends finish out while the kids were in daycare and married and had kids later in their 20's-30's. They did take a semester off and the summer so the child was 6 months in daycare.
I had 2 friend drop out and go back to college in their 40's (this was by far the hardest road).
I also had 1 friend take a semester off, have the baby and place him for adoption.
I know this is a scary uncharted territory for you and not "the plan"... but be strong for her, tell her she can do it, tell her she is awesome and things will work out. Tell her you love her no matter what. Encourage her to go to counseling to manage the stress. Maybe take 3 classes instead of 4 or 5 for this semester.
This is uncharted territory for you but not for millions and millions of women. You can do this!
I also have many friends who have daughters get pregnant during HS/college. I also have many friends that had children in college and did not stay with the father.
It all works out in the end. I had 1 friend get an apartment with her best friend and the best friend helped her out when she was in class. By far the saddest day was when the best friend got married and had to move out.
I had 2 friends finish out while the kids were in daycare and married and had kids later in their 20's-30's. They did take a semester off and the summer so the child was 6 months in daycare.
I had 2 friend drop out and go back to college in their 40's (this was by far the hardest road).
I also had 1 friend take a semester off, have the baby and place him for adoption.
I know this is a scary uncharted territory for you and not "the plan"... but be strong for her, tell her she can do it, tell her she is awesome and things will work out. Tell her you love her no matter what. Encourage her to go to counseling to manage the stress. Maybe take 3 classes instead of 4 or 5 for this semester.
This is uncharted territory for you but not for millions and millions of women. You can do this!
Anonymous
08/10/2018 12:11
Subject: Anyone’s child get pregnant during college?
My evangelical Christian niece got married at 20 and had a baby by the time she was 21. She completed many of her last classes using her school's online options. That was a help in limiting the number of hours she had to physically be in class.
Her situation was a bit different because both parents were on campus and were able to platoon care around classes. However, she did rely on friends and the school's childcare facilities at times.
Frankly, I was horrified but they've made it work. Best of luck to you and your daughter in whatever choice she makes.
Her situation was a bit different because both parents were on campus and were able to platoon care around classes. However, she did rely on friends and the school's childcare facilities at times.
Frankly, I was horrified but they've made it work. Best of luck to you and your daughter in whatever choice she makes.
Anonymous
08/10/2018 12:06
Subject: Anyone’s child get pregnant during college?
Anonymous wrote:If she is only 5 weeks along, she presumably got pregnant over summer break. Does the dad go to her college? Is he local? Is he the guy she hooked up with while doing a summer overseas program? Does he know?
All of which is to say, is the dad likely to be involved and supportive?
My cousin got a girl pregnant during college. She had the child, who is now about 4 and is lovely. But it’s also a bit of a mess. My cousin and the child’s mother never got married (which in their situation was a great call). Both parents turned over many their parenting responsibilities to my Aunt, who loves this child and is probably closer to her than the child’s mother. The mother is flaky and my cousin is in his early 20s and not that interested in parenting.
My Aunt is trying to get custody of the child or adopt here. But the mother will not consent. Like I said, a mess. TBH, both parents need to grow up.
I had a HS friend, very UMC Catholic who got pregbant by a random guy on spring break. Abortion was not an option in her Catholic family. She took a semester off, had the baby, and put him up for adoption. IDK how she feels about that decision now. But she went on to get her degree and grad degree and become a professional success and marry and have a couple more kids. By all appearances, she has a great life.
No sure if this helps. Honestly, if that were my DD that early in a pregnancy, I would let her make the decision, but pr
Yeah, someone she hooked up with during a summer internship. She hasn’t told him yet. Is he supportive? That’s the big question. We’ll see.
Anonymous
08/10/2018 12:04
Subject: Anyone’s child get pregnant during college?
Hit submit too soon...
Privately cross my fingers for an abortion.
Privately cross my fingers for an abortion.
Anonymous
08/10/2018 12:04
Subject: Anyone’s child get pregnant during college?
If she is only 5 weeks along, she presumably got pregnant over summer break. Does the dad go to her college? Is he local? Is he the guy she hooked up with while doing a summer overseas program? Does he know?
All of which is to say, is the dad likely to be involved and supportive?
My cousin got a girl pregnant during college. She had the child, who is now about 4 and is lovely. But it’s also a bit of a mess. My cousin and the child’s mother never got married (which in their situation was a great call). Both parents turned over many their parenting responsibilities to my Aunt, who loves this child and is probably closer to her than the child’s mother. The mother is flaky and my cousin is in his early 20s and not that interested in parenting.
My Aunt is trying to get custody of the child or adopt here. But the mother will not consent. Like I said, a mess. TBH, both parents need to grow up.
I had a HS friend, very UMC Catholic who got pregbant by a random guy on spring break. Abortion was not an option in her Catholic family. She took a semester off, had the baby, and put him up for adoption. IDK how she feels about that decision now. But she went on to get her degree and grad degree and become a professional success and marry and have a couple more kids. By all appearances, she has a great life.
No sure if this helps. Honestly, if that were my DD that early in a pregnancy, I would let her make the decision, but pr
All of which is to say, is the dad likely to be involved and supportive?
My cousin got a girl pregnant during college. She had the child, who is now about 4 and is lovely. But it’s also a bit of a mess. My cousin and the child’s mother never got married (which in their situation was a great call). Both parents turned over many their parenting responsibilities to my Aunt, who loves this child and is probably closer to her than the child’s mother. The mother is flaky and my cousin is in his early 20s and not that interested in parenting.
My Aunt is trying to get custody of the child or adopt here. But the mother will not consent. Like I said, a mess. TBH, both parents need to grow up.
I had a HS friend, very UMC Catholic who got pregbant by a random guy on spring break. Abortion was not an option in her Catholic family. She took a semester off, had the baby, and put him up for adoption. IDK how she feels about that decision now. But she went on to get her degree and grad degree and become a professional success and marry and have a couple more kids. By all appearances, she has a great life.
No sure if this helps. Honestly, if that were my DD that early in a pregnancy, I would let her make the decision, but pr
Anonymous
08/10/2018 12:03
Subject: Anyone’s child get pregnant during college?
This happened to a friend of mine when we were 20. She was no longer with the father (they dated briefly and broke up before she found out she was pregnant) but he was on board and supportive, as was his family. She moved home with her parents, attended our local state school, and worked part time. He (and his parents) helped out financially and with childcare. She graduated a year late but did do so and managed to get a great job. They maintained a good relationship and have successfully co-parented in spite of getting married to others and having additional kids.
Anonymous
08/10/2018 12:03
Subject: Anyone’s child get pregnant during college?
OP here. I would have had an abortion but my daughter said she cannot do that - need to respect her choice even if it is a different one that I’d have made.
Anonymous
08/10/2018 12:01
Subject: Re:Anyone’s child get pregnant during college?
Anonymous wrote:Are you supporting her financially? Will you support her and baby while she finishes school?
Not sure. She just told us last night. That is why I am here looking for advice.
Anonymous
08/10/2018 12:00
Subject: Anyone’s child get pregnant during college?
My friend did and she got an abortion
Anonymous
08/10/2018 11:58
Subject: Re:Anyone’s child get pregnant during college?
Are you supporting her financially? Will you support her and baby while she finishes school?