[quote=Anonymous]What is your relationship with her like during non-stressful times?[/quote]

We have our ups and downs but overall pretty good.

OP, what would "being supportive" mean to you? What do you wish that your wife would do? Because if the answer is "listen to me vent and complain," then my advice is different from "I wish she'd attend the funeral, or take over some of my regular household chores so that I had time to do X thing," or whatever. If the latter--then you might need to ask. Tell her what would be helpful to you or make you feel supported. Don't expect your spouse to be a mind reader. If she refuses to do any of the things that you ask, then you have a problem. But what helps one person doesn't always help another, so the things that make her feel supported might not be the things that you need.

If it's the venting--you absolutely should be able to talk to your partner about what's bothering you. But it can be hard to listen to someone complain about the same thing over and over again, especially if there is no obvious end to the problem in sight. My husband went through a rough patch at work, and he would start complaining about it as soon as I got home. It was like walking through the door at the end of my own long day and getting a bucket full of sludge dumped on me, day after day. I knew that he needed to be able to talk about it, I just couldn't handle hearing about it for hours at a time from the moment I got home. So we agreed that he would not talk about work until I asked, and I would always ask. That allowed me to control the timing a little bit--I could change clothes, start dinner, we could have a glass of wine, etc., and then I would feel a little refreshed and ready to lend a sympathetic ear. He also agreed to cap how long he talked about work, so that we weren't spending the whole evening being depressed. It actually worked very well--I got the mental break to be able to listen, and he knew that I would always give him a chance to vent.

If you expect her to curtail her social life so that she can sit at home and mope with you, though, I think that's your problem. Yes, we all need someone to vent to, but venting doesn't solve anything. It's not reasonable to ask her to stay home with you so you can be sad together. Again, if you just want a little extra company that week, and wish that she would stay home and snuggle on the couch and watch a movie, that's a concrete thing you can ask for, and something a spouse should be willing to do. But a general "she shouldn't want to go out with friends because I'm having a hard time at work" isn't fair.

[quote=Anonymous]Every few years, there is a life challenge where I need some emotional support from DW. A few years ago, it was a family member’s sudden death which was a major shock to me. Last month, the company I work for went out of business, so I am looking for a new job. I have a great skill set and will find a new position no problem - already have a ton of interviews scheduled.
In both situations, I feel like my DW doesn’t really give me the support I need. She made/makes me feel like my needing her is an interruption to her social life. Like drinking with her friends is more important than being there for me emotionally. I feel like both times I have needed her in the past five years, she hasn’t truly been there for me.
Has anyone else dealt with something like this? Do I have a terrible relationship?
I am just so sad as I come to the realization that this person I love doesn’t give me the support I need in the very rare instances when I actually need it. [/quote]

Sorry OP, you’re on your own. First off - the DCUM harpies will find a way to make this your fault. There is a lot of misandry here.

Second, don’t rely on you wife for supper. It’s not going to happen. She isn’t going to be the rock you can lean against, because that doesn’t bring value to the marriage in her eyes. I suffer and still suffer from bad depression, PTSD and have been suicidal. While the suicidal thoughts are gone, I’m still struggling sometimes and would love some support. It hadn't happened in two years and I don’t expect it to happen. She left me alone to deal with my own issue without consideration. It sucks when the person who is supposed to love you doesn’t want to help. You wouldn’t be the first man to say this either. For my wife, our kid is first then her job, then her family. I’m not on the list of priorities at all. Most times I tell her I need help she just leaves the room.

Long story short, no rely on her for help, women are terrible with that and I could tell you stories with other men I know that dealt with it. Seek help with a therapist or some really good friends. That’s all I can offer. If you need some to talk to or need a place to go to feel like you’re cared about there’s places like the. and veterans groups. If you’re not a vet, find a local group for depression and stuff.

I get it, you feel alone and unloved. It sucks man. Don’t do what I did for so long and essentially ask or beg for some help and not get any. It won’t come. You’ll have to seek it out somewhere else

[quote=Anonymous]Get a therapist.[/quote]

Would you recommend he get a girlfriend or see a prostitute, perhaps he can outsource everything one would expect from a loving DW? Not against therapy but think this advice is a bit flip.

My wife expects me to intuit what she needs and if I don't give it to her then, according to her, I don't care about her and "don't know how to make a woman feel better." Her mood changes based on a variety to things including whether or not she feels pretty that day.

She has told me; however, that she doesn't want to know about my problems because "real men don't put their problem on their family."

Its hard to accept but the bottom line is that there is a double standard. I've been going through some very difficult times this year myself. My wife's actions actually spurred the cause of the problems and I've been dealing with the aftermath (think legal issues) and I've had to learn to only share positive progress with her.

This may not be every woman; however, I do believe many of them expect men to simply suck it up deal with situations without showing fear/uncertainty/doubt. If we; as men, solve the issue then they are happy. If we mess it up then we get blamed.

OP, you need to find a friend/family member to talk to. Don't rely on your wife.

As others have asked or recommended, have you talked to her? If not, then do. Most men are seen as emotionally strong, she may not realize your need.

How’s the relationship and communication when things are normal? Do you keep things to yourself or share?

If you’re not willing to have that discussion, get a dog.

Get a therapist.

I think marriage counseling would be a good idea for you. No one here can really say who's at fault for what here because we don't know any specifics -- it could be that she is objectively unsupportive, it could be that you expect too much and she's giving everything she can, or somewhere in between -- but whatever the issue is, marriage counseling may be a good way for you to work through it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Imagine if a woman wrote this. Replies would be completely different.

I'm a woman and completely agree. I'm so disappointed by the responses so far.

Pretty sure a woman did write this...soo.

Are you in a same sex marriage?[/quote]

No

Anonymous wrote:Imagine if a woman wrote this. Replies would be completely different.

I'm a woman and completely agree. I'm so disappointed by the responses so far.