So what was the rest of the visit like? Your son was clearly rude as he left, but tell us about the rest of the week.

Maybe she was involved but unpleasant.

Maybe she was wonderful.

Your dad clearly doesn't remember much about 11 year olds, so I hope you can find a way to keep this from escalating.

Anonymous wrote:My dad says that while my son was polite overall, he was also very sullen and wouldn't give more than monosyllabic answers. He is like that at home but my dad doesn't get that because he grew up in a different culture where children were more obedient. My husband tells me I'm more like my dad and I probably secretly admire Amy Chua. That's not entirely untrue and that is why I'm disappointed

Wow! There is so much Dr. Phil could do with that.

Fix yourself.

Leave your kid alone.

My dad says that while my son was polite overall, he was also very sullen and wouldn't give more than monosyllabic answers. He is like that at home but my dad doesn't get that because he grew up in a different culture where children were more obedient. My husband tells me I'm more like my dad and I probably secretly admire Amy Chua. That's not entirely untrue and that is why I'm disappointed

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So for 5 days they have a great time and I assume you son was polite, then at the moment that he has to leave he does not stroke his step grandmother ego and now your dad is pissed.

Wow! Just wow!

This isn't about stroking egos. It's about common decency.

He wakes up, hugs them good morning, says what a great time he has, eats breakfast, his ride is there he grabs his bags, the car is there and he leaves.

Oh but wait, I have to do another hug and the obligatory I had a great time again because some random rule. It's total BS.

What he did was fine but remind him sensitive Grandma #3 needs the extra hug and ego stroke.. you are the greatest thanks.

Anonymous wrote:Your son was rude but he's 11 so, though he should definitely apologize and maybe send a thank you note to them too, his rudeness (or oversight) is to be understood. Why didn't your dad or his wife just say something to your son at the time like "hey, can i get a goodbye hug?" They sound like they don't really understand or know how to relate to kids.

Why do they have to ask? Then it'd be like forcing the kid but they aren't his parents. It's much better for OP to take this up with her son privately and ensure that he apologizes in person. Then he will understand the error of his ways.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your dad doesn't understand that sometimes kids are rude and self-absorbed, he may not be an appropriate person to take care of your kids anyway. You should have your son apologize and perhaps write a note thanking them for letting him stay (I think this is pretty over the top for grandparents, but they don't sound that close, more like family friends (and i'm wondering if the step-grandma is in her 40's and feeding him nasty food she thinks he should appreciate even if he doesn't like it) and then you should let it go. If your dad childishly and rigidly does not want any more visits, well, then, that's on him.

My 15 yr old was taught in 1st grade when she started going to friends houses without me, to say "Thank you for having me" when leaving and "Can I help?" when dinner is being cooked. I drummed into her to always say goodbye and thank you to the parents hosting her. And I told her "If you do this and don't break or stain anything, you will be welcomed back." She had it down by age 7.

Mine have it down too, at 10 and 7. But you know what? They're kids! Sometimes they screw up! What's the proper response to that? An apology and a sincere attempt to do better next time. Grandpa sucks in this scenario. The kid should apologize and then Grandpa should let. it. go.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your dad doesn't understand that sometimes kids are rude and self-absorbed, he may not be an appropriate person to take care of your kids anyway. You should have your son apologize and perhaps write a note thanking them for letting him stay (I think this is pretty over the top for grandparents, but they don't sound that close, more like family friends (and i'm wondering if the step-grandma is in her 40's and feeding him nasty food she thinks he should appreciate even if he doesn't like it) and then you should let it go. If your dad childishly and rigidly does not want any more visits, well, then, that's on him.

My 15 yr old was taught in 1st grade when she started going to friends houses without me, to say "Thank you for having me" when leaving and "Can I help?" when dinner is being cooked. I drummed into her to always say goodbye and thank you to the parents hosting her. And I told her "If you do this and don't break or stain anything, you will be welcomed back." She had it down by age 7.

I have an 8 year old and I coach him through exactly what to say and how to behave if he's being hosted in someone's home and we review reminders before he goes anywhere every single time briefly. What I don't understand is why more parents aren't more explicit. Tell them what to do and reinforce it often. They're not just going to get it by osmosis. And then agreed, they'll have it down.

Your son was wrong and honestly it's more your fault than his if he doesn't know any better at that age. Apologize to your dad and get your son to call and say thank you to the wife or write her a thank you note.

Your son was rude but he's 11 so, though he should definitely apologize and maybe send a thank you note to them too, his rudeness (or oversight) is to be understood. Why didn't your dad or his wife just say something to your son at the time like "hey, can i get a goodbye hug?" They sound like they don't really understand or know how to relate to kids.

Anonymous wrote:Some kids think if you say goodbye to one person in the house, you have taken care of saying goodbye.

Yes and sometimes leaving is full of making sure you have all your stuff, packing it away, figuring out where to go and people are distracted. They forget to say goodbye. I'd be more easygoing on the kid.

Anonymous wrote:So for 5 days they have a great time and I assume you son was polite, then at the moment that he has to leave he does not stroke his step grandmother ego and now your dad is pissed.

Wow! Just wow!

This isn't about stroking egos. It's about common decency.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you ask your ds what happened? Maybe your dad misinterpreted an 11 year old saying goodbye to his wife. Maybe he expected him to hug her and your ds just mumbled goodbye. There are always 2 sides to the story.

No, I asked DS and he said he just didn't think about it at the time. He didn't even mumble anything. I told him he was rude and all I got was heavy breathing over the phone. Smh!

Aw, poor kid. Just have him write a nice thank you letter.

If your dad can't let this go, you don't want him hosting your kid without you anyhow. Just send your kid to visit your mom.

It all depends on whether the child was purpusefully rude or not. I highly doubt he was, but this is a point you should clear up at once as it changed the consequences.

My kids are 8 and 13 and can be inconsistent with their expressions of gratitude and manners, particularly the 8 year old, but also, more rarely, the 13 year old. This is developmentally normal, and doesn’t mean they are not appreciative. Neighbors and friends have commented on how polite my kids are, but they have their moments, and that’s OK.

Your son should thank your father’s wife in a nice letter, or by phone, and apologize for not doing so during his stay. I would NOT apologize to your father, he is not the injured party and completely overeacted. I would not try to get your son invited by himself again. Your father might be the type to change his mind, especially if he hears his grandkid is having fun with his ex. But you don’t need to push them into a relationship if your father is so prickly and sensitive. To be completely honest, if he were my father, I would explain the above in no uncertain terms!

Anonymous wrote:Did you ask your ds what happened? Maybe your dad misinterpreted an 11 year old saying goodbye to his wife. Maybe he expected him to hug her and your ds just mumbled goodbye. There are always 2 sides to the story.

No, I asked DS and he said he just didn't think about it at the time. He didn't even mumble anything. I told him he was rude and all I got was heavy breathing over the phone. Smh!

Some kids think if you say goodbye to one person in the house, you have taken care of saying goodbye.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Kids weren't rude or self-absorbed in the past. What's changed is permissive parenting.

Lol

Says the person without a lot of experience with kids.

I've taught elementary school for 30 years so I do have a lot of experience.

Luckily the Union has your back. Maybe you've grown to old for your position.