People can be "beautiful" and "Mom's favorite" and still be incredibly insecure. Beauty fades, Mom fades, and then who are they?

I doubt you are "poor and fat," but even if you are, that might make her even more enraged. How can she be so perfect and you aren't and yet your life is somehow "better" in her mind? That could drive her nuts and lead to her comments, all of which are serving only to let her say that your party/kid/life is worse than hers. Which apparently makes her feel better.

If you can manage the "uh-huh"s along with a sad, sort of pitying look, you might drive her even crazier.

She is insecure OP. Why else would she need to put you down in order to puff herself up. Even if her insecurity is unfounded.

Believe me, she is. I can be insecure. I know this, and try hard not to act on my feelings, but this is really what it sounds like to me.

I have a relative who does this and I started pretending like she wasn't even talking when she made rode comments. At the most, I say "oh" and change the subject. or "huh" works too. don't even respond and eventually they find another person to pick on.
Your anger/frustration/denial/drama is what she's looking for so don't indulge her.

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t know who is wealthier... their house is double the cost of ours but I’m pretty sure we make more money. Even despite that, we are certainly wealthier due to our conservative nature. She’s a mostly SAHM. I work full time in a leadership position. Both our kids are great ... my niece was more high maintenance when she was younger but they are pretty much the same now. Both of our husbands are awesome, but mine is far more involved as a father, probably due to the fact I work so he has to be.

I truly don’t think it’s jealousy... I really think she views me as fat and poor. ?

How far apart in age are you and your sister? My DDs are very good at seeing whatever the other gets and being convinced that her sister is getting more/has an easier life, etc. Seems like perhaps you and your sister have not outgrown this dynamic? You think she views you as fat and poor. She probably thinks you view her as lazy (SAHM v. leadership position) or something like that. Sibling jealousies sometimes make no sense and/or have deep roots that no one who just met you today would guess at. If you can't get to a mature, adult view of each other, then then PPs have given you good tips for how to deal with someone who's mean and always picking at you.

Op, she doesn't get a pass just because she is a relative. If she's rude, you would choose not to be around someone who is rude, right? Now there might be a family gathering or two that requires you to be together but otherwise ALL it takes is the guts to decide NOT to be together. Don't announce this. Just do it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s obviously trying to get a reaction from you by being critical of everything you do. She is deeply envious and insecure when she compares herself to you and so tries to bring you down to feel better. Master the shrug and respond with the positive. “We enjoyed having Niece there. Let me know if she’d like to see the pics. She looks great!”

This.

Yiur sister is a green monster.

OP here.

I actually really doubt this. She is the favorite of my mom's and the beautiful one.

Don't get me wrong, I love my life ... but I don't think jealousy is in play here. Just being honest.

Yea, right. Shes miserable and despite her beauty (that will fade) and your moms favoritism (that is dysfunctional) she is still miserable and jealous that you are not. She's jealous of something...your happy family...your life choices, your happiness....something about you makes her seeth with anger

NP here. I actually it’s jealousy about something, or at least a bizarre inability to be happy for you. Are you wealthier? A SAHM? Is your husband nicer? Is your daughter more easy-going? Something is going on.

That said, I agree the non-reaction (hmm, uh-huh, etc.) is probably the best reply. My SIL isn’t rude like this but is a major bragger (and they are legit way wealthier than us) but I just cannot fawn or gushingly admire everything she brags about, so I just say “uh huh, that’s nice” in kind of a monotone way.

I honestly don’t know who is wealthier... their house is double the cost of ours but I’m pretty sure we make more money. Even despite that, we are certainly wealthier due to our conservative nature. She’s a mostly SAHM. I work full time in a leadership position. Both our kids are great ... my niece was more high maintenance when she was younger but they are pretty much the same now. Both of our husbands are awesome, but mine is far more involved as a father, probably due to the fact I work so he has to be.

I truly don’t think it’s jealousy... I really think she views me as fat and poor. ?

Maybe she thinks she’s being funny? If so, directly tell her her comments are hurtful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:She’s obviously trying to get a reaction from you by being critical of everything you do. She is deeply envious and insecure when she compares herself to you and so tries to bring you down to feel better. Master the shrug and respond with the positive. “We enjoyed having Niece there. Let me know if she’d like to see the pics. She looks great!”

This.

Yiur sister is a green monster.

OP here.

I actually really doubt this. She is the favorite of my mom's and the beautiful one.

Don't get me wrong, I love my life ... but I don't think jealousy is in play here. Just being honest.

Yea, right. Shes miserable and despite her beauty (that will fade) and your moms favoritism (that is dysfunctional) she is still miserable and jealous that you are not. She's jealous of something...your happy family...your life choices, your happiness....something about you makes her seeth with anger

NP: yes, PP is right, there's something about you that she envies. That's why she keeps putting you down. Doesn't matter if she's your mother's favorite and pretty. There's something else about you that's prompting her jealousy and her jealous reactions - what you describe are jealous reactions/behaviors.

You're not being sensitive. Something is wrong with her.

Give the non-response, and as 16:58 said spend as little time with her as possible. And please post every single picture of her daughter looking happy and engaged on your FB tagging your sister and parents so they know she's had fun.