In my family- our dynamic is that we'd talk about it. It sounds like there may be altered lines of communication in your family so this is par for the course? Kind of like people never talk about things? I guess keep doing that if that's what works.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wouldn’t you normally talk to her?

I don't understand this line of thinking at all.

You suspect marital problems and want to offer support to your family, so you pick up the phone and call:
a) The man you've shared a family with, grew up with, celebrated with and loved for 35 years
b) The very nice woman you've seen at a few family gatherings and vacations and have liked/grown to love for 6 years

Why would you call the wife? Because you both have vaginas? This makes NO SENSE to me.

I like and love my BILs--they are both great guys. But if something was going on and family needed my support, I'd be calling my siblings, not their spouses.

In my family's case, my brother did move into our father's house.....with his AP. So, yeah, I called my SIL. Then again, that sort of behavior is pretty par for the course for my brother. There's a reason we rarely talk.

My own family basically ghosted me when I was having marital issues. I didn't want to talk about it, it's personal, you feel like you failed them, BUT it would have been nice to know they cared and were there IF I needed them.

That being said, since they ghosted me, it changed EVERYTHING in my relationship with them. Now, we have basically zero relationship, a text here or there if that.

I hate reading sayings all over peoples fb "family is everything" "family over everything" Wow, did my family fail me.

So, sending a reach out text that you care and are here if your brother needs anything is probably the best you can do. He will reach out if he needs to, but can also keep to himself.
And you are human, you care for your SIL, you can send her the same text.

Anonymous wrote:Wouldn’t you normally talk to her?

I don't understand this line of thinking at all.

You suspect marital problems and want to offer support to your family, so you pick up the phone and call:
a) The man you've shared a family with, grew up with, celebrated with and loved for 35 years
b) The very nice woman you've seen at a few family gatherings and vacations and have liked/grown to love for 6 years

Why would you call the wife? Because you both have vaginas? This makes NO SENSE to me.

I like and love my BILs--they are both great guys. But if something was going on and family needed my support, I'd be calling my siblings, not their spouses.

I think it depends on your relationship and how open you typically are with each other. If my brother reached out to me to offer support I wouldn’t feel like he was “prying”, good grief; I would receive it in the manner which it was intended, even if I chose not to share what I was going through.

Howevee, it does sound like your brother hasn’t been open in the past so I would tread lightly.; maybe give it a little bit more time to see how things unfold.