What’s with the hate for holding a child back? I repeated a grade because I wasn’t reading yet and apparently was socially immature. Went on to score a perfect 800 on the SAT verbal and graduate from a top 25 school. Did not scar me for life or anything. Even in the 90s when I was in school, teachers and parents were quick to nip any teasing about the repeated grade in the bud and everybody quickly forgot about it. Do what’s best for your child’s education and overall development. Take shame and embarrassment out of the equation.

If she was held back, would she still be the worst student? I think it’s be good for self esteem to actually keep up with your classmates. I’d repeat second grade for sure.

OP - The team is recommending repeating second grade to give DD another year to build her core skills because in 3rd grade students are now expected to be independent readers by the end of the year, and the pace of work picks up across the board. If she is 2 years behind peers then she may well be at a very, very early level of reading. If there is the chance for pull out to a Self-contained class for reading and math, it might make more sense in the long run to have her develop core skills in a setting where individualization based on her IEP could be done. But otherwise keep her in the mainstream for other classes such as science and social studies.

Have you had a full reading/ language arts evaluation done as this could pinpoint exactly where DD is and what skills a tutor and in -school teachers should be addressing in her IEP. It may also show what kind of approach might be more suitable and that might give you guidance in choosing a tutor, a private center to work on reading skills or a SN school. If her academic skills are in line with her specific disability, there may need to be decisions made on placement as avgapmof three years may not be realistic to expect to be closed. Another year to work on the basics may just help the pieces click. DD can still maintain friendships outside of school. Do what is right for your DD and do not rely on some random board. Repeating a year is often the first thing a SN school or private school will do after testing, and it is hard to get it done in public school.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To me it would depend on the degree of impairment she’s expected to have as an adult. If she’ll always be behind, but simply on the lower end of normal (say, an IQ of 85) I would probably hold her back. But if she’s intellectually disabled to the point she won’t be getting a normal high school diploma someday, I’d probably keep her with her class for social reasons. Do the professionals in her life like her teachers, therapists, and pediatricians have opinions on what would be best for her?

How can you justify the social implications? For 3 years now, she’s been with a cohort of kids. Her identity is sealed as their classmate, and in a few weeks she will be a third grader. To be in the same school and watch that group of kids go on while she stays in the same grade will have devastating effects on her self-esteem. That’s the last thing someone who already struggles with academics needs. Additionally, she will be turning 9. Nine year olds belong in third grade. They have different developmental needs.

What an odd statement. Typically developing 9 year olds belong in 3rd grade. OP's child is not typically developing. The entire problem is that, developmentally, her age does not match her abilities, skills, and needs.

My son is turning 9 in the fall and he's going into 4th. They do typically turn 9 in 3rd, but not all. It sounds like she needs more supports and services and not held back. Its easier for the school to hold her back than really give her the help they need. We found 3rd grade painfully slow.

But OP's kid is not going to find 3rd grade painfully slow. She's academically behind.

It will give her an opportunity to catch up if she has the right supports in place. That is the point.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To me it would depend on the degree of impairment she’s expected to have as an adult. If she’ll always be behind, but simply on the lower end of normal (say, an IQ of 85) I would probably hold her back. But if she’s intellectually disabled to the point she won’t be getting a normal high school diploma someday, I’d probably keep her with her class for social reasons. Do the professionals in her life like her teachers, therapists, and pediatricians have opinions on what would be best for her?

How can you justify the social implications? For 3 years now, she’s been with a cohort of kids. Her identity is sealed as their classmate, and in a few weeks she will be a third grader. To be in the same school and watch that group of kids go on while she stays in the same grade will have devastating effects on her self-esteem. That’s the last thing someone who already struggles with academics needs. Additionally, she will be turning 9. Nine year olds belong in third grade. They have different developmental needs.

What an odd statement. Typically developing 9 year olds belong in 3rd grade. OP's child is not typically developing. The entire problem is that, developmentally, her age does not match her abilities, skills, and needs.

My son is turning 9 in the fall and he's going into 4th. They do typically turn 9 in 3rd, but not all. It sounds like she needs more supports and services and not held back. Its easier for the school to hold her back than really give her the help they need. We found 3rd grade painfully slow.

But OP's kid is not going to find 3rd grade painfully slow. She's academically behind.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To me it would depend on the degree of impairment she’s expected to have as an adult. If she’ll always be behind, but simply on the lower end of normal (say, an IQ of 85) I would probably hold her back. But if she’s intellectually disabled to the point she won’t be getting a normal high school diploma someday, I’d probably keep her with her class for social reasons. Do the professionals in her life like her teachers, therapists, and pediatricians have opinions on what would be best for her?

How can you justify the social implications? For 3 years now, she’s been with a cohort of kids. Her identity is sealed as their classmate, and in a few weeks she will be a third grader. To be in the same school and watch that group of kids go on while she stays in the same grade will have devastating effects on her self-esteem. That’s the last thing someone who already struggles with academics needs. Additionally, she will be turning 9. Nine year olds belong in third grade. They have different developmental needs.

What an odd statement. Typically developing 9 year olds belong in 3rd grade. OP's child is not typically developing. The entire problem is that, developmentally, her age does not match her abilities, skills, and needs.

My son is turning 9 in the fall and he's going into 4th. They do typically turn 9 in 3rd, but not all. It sounds like she needs more supports and services and not held back. Its easier for the school to hold her back than really give her the help they need. We found 3rd grade painfully slow.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To me it would depend on the degree of impairment she’s expected to have as an adult. If she’ll always be behind, but simply on the lower end of normal (say, an IQ of 85) I would probably hold her back. But if she’s intellectually disabled to the point she won’t be getting a normal high school diploma someday, I’d probably keep her with her class for social reasons. Do the professionals in her life like her teachers, therapists, and pediatricians have opinions on what would be best for her?

How can you justify the social implications? For 3 years now, she’s been with a cohort of kids. Her identity is sealed as their classmate, and in a few weeks she will be a third grader. To be in the same school and watch that group of kids go on while she stays in the same grade will have devastating effects on her self-esteem. That’s the last thing someone who already struggles with academics needs. Additionally, she will be turning 9. Nine year olds belong in third grade. They have different developmental needs.

What an odd statement. Typically developing 9 year olds belong in 3rd grade. OP's child is not typically developing. The entire problem is that, developmentally, her age does not match her abilities, skills, and needs.

OP, we are planning on holding back our kid with ASD/ADHD who does well academically, above grade level across the board. He is going to Auburn this Fall for 6 grade. He is 10 and has an August birthday. We plan on having him at Auburn for 6 and 7th grades and then applying to mainstream privates where he will repeat 7th grade.

We are doing this mostly for his emotional maturity. Also, while he was fine in public school most kids at private schools with summer birthdays are red shirted making him the youngest and shortest so having him repeat a grade will put him with his same aged peers.

But we would only hold back at a new school with new peers.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does the teacher/principal recommend? Did she pass second grade with a kindergarten intellect?

OP here. They suggested we hold her back but said the decision is ultimately ours.

Np here.

I would absolutely do it!

What's her feeling on it? Second graders aren't so 'old' that it's soul-crushing. And if she's immature and behind academically, she may not care as much as everyone says.

Changing schools, like everyone said, is also a great idea.

I have a very different reaction to this than PPs. Our two kids, one HFA/ADHD and the other mostly typical but very small, have been in private SN schools since kindergarten. Almost all of their peers were held back early / "redshirted" before first grade. We did not think to do that. But socially, I really wish we had. Both of them are developmentally delayed and just more comfortable with younger kids. And that gap is getting wider, not narrower, as they approach middle school. We can't even think about holding them back a grade now because academically they are more or less a grade level ahead already. But if they were behind academically, I would do it joyfully. I wonder whether PPs who think that sounds so awful are projecting their own typically developing social experience a bit. I don't know your DD but most of the time that significant of an academic delay comes with a significant social delay too. That will get bigger. So slowing her down a bit could help on both fronts in the long run. And is moving an option? That would solve the stigma issue PPs identify.

This is a nasty board when it comes to holding kids back.

I posted several weeks ago seeking advice on how to tell my child we were holding her back and got endlessly shamed, as if I was abusing my child.

The fact that my child’s entire IEP team (including two special education teachers and general education teacher), as well as my child’s developmental pediatrician, all support the decision was irrelevant to DCUM know-it-alls.

OP, listen and consult with the professionals in your child’s life. And good luck.

You sound as if you are not in special education. Do you not have an IEP? If you don't you absolutely need to gt one. Two years behind your peers is usually the threshold for self-contained classes.

Do not do this to your child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does the teacher/principal recommend? Did she pass second grade with a kindergarten intellect?

OP here. They suggested we hold her back but said the decision is ultimately ours.

I would ask for the IEP to be amended and get more supports (however we ask and they refused so it really depend on the school). Its easier for them to hold her back than provide teh supports so this may be more about the schools needs than your childs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To me it would depend on the degree of impairment she’s expected to have as an adult. If she’ll always be behind, but simply on the lower end of normal (say, an IQ of 85) I would probably hold her back. But if she’s intellectually disabled to the point she won’t be getting a normal high school diploma someday, I’d probably keep her with her class for social reasons. Do the professionals in her life like her teachers, therapists, and pediatricians have opinions on what would be best for her?

How can you justify the social implications? For 3 years now, she’s been with a cohort of kids. Her identity is sealed as their classmate, and in a few weeks she will be a third grader. To be in the same school and watch that group of kids go on while she stays in the same grade will have devastating effects on her self-esteem. That’s the last thing someone who already struggles with academics needs. Additionally, she will be turning 9. Nine year olds belong in third grade. They have different developmental needs.

3rd or 4th grade depending on the birthday. If you can afford a special needs private, that may be far better for her if its that much of an impact. Socially, because other parents hold back, she could be with much much younger kids and size and social (friends a grade above), it may be very bad socially.