I married a short Jewish man, too. Best decision of my life. If my parents had started criticizing him then, I would have cut them off after one warning. Don’t knowingly expose your husband and children to abusive people.

You need to move on from them as if they had died.

Many of us do it. It sucks, but sometimes it needs to be done. It's not good for your kids to be treated this way or to see you accepting being treated this way.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those who advise family estrangement are really foolish. It's constant on this site. Unless there is active abuse don't do it. Families are problematic but they are also your support system.

You are an enabler of emotional abuse. Glad I don’t know you.

Probably a perpetrator of emotional abuse who finds it difficult to read about their own behavior online and see that healthy people describe it as "toxic".

OP, your parents are not your family. Your husband and children are your family. Just do whatever you need to do to rid them from your life. Based on what you've described you get nothing good out of the relationship. They need you for their sickness. Don't let them.

Anonymous wrote:Those who advise family estrangement are really foolish. It's constant on this site. Unless there is active abuse don't do it. Families are problematic but they are also your support system.

You are an enabler of emotional abuse. Glad I don’t know you.

My parents are like that. I've pulled away and have as little contact as possible. My sibling can have everything, including the headache of dealing with them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those who advise family estrangement are really foolish. It's constant on this site. Unless there is active abuse don't do it. Families are problematic but they are also your support system.

Unless they aren’t.

This. Usually these people are no support if you have a problem but you are supposed to support Them when they have a problem.

Best to do as little as humanly possible with them, it's not going to get better at this point. No vacation with them, don't even try. Get together once a year or less. Have the kids write thank you notes for the crappy presents, so they don't have to learn to "pretend" they like them over the phone or in person.

Your family is super unhealthy.

Cut off all ties with them. To tell you they are leaving their estate to your sister tells you something.
You do not need them in your life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those who advise family estrangement are really foolish. It's constant on this site. Unless there is active abuse don't do it. Families are problematic but they are also your support system.

Unless they aren’t.

Then just pull back to a safe distance. Estrangement is excessive for many of the situations around her.

As for this OP, pull back. Cancel their room. Expect less, but It doesn't sound like you are ready for estrangement.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those who advise family estrangement are really foolish. It's constant on this site. Unless there is active abuse don't do it. Families are problematic but they are also your support system.

Emotional abuse IS abuse.

Exactly.

Anonymous wrote:Those who advise family estrangement are really foolish. It's constant on this site. Unless there is active abuse don't do it. Families are problematic but they are also your support system.

Emotional abuse IS abuse.

Anonymous wrote:Those who advise family estrangement are really foolish. It's constant on this site. Unless there is active abuse don't do it. Families are problematic but they are also your support system.

Unless they aren’t.

Those who advise family estrangement are really foolish. It's constant on this site. Unless there is active abuse don't do it. Families are problematic but they are also your support system.

Anonymous wrote:Why on earth would you want to go on a vacation with these people? Stop it.

+1. And whatever reason you had, it's out the window now. I would tell them that it's a shame the vacation won't work out, then cancel their hotel room, and go without them.

We don’t get to choose our family but we do get to choose if they are in our life or not.

One of the best lessons I ever learned.

Why on earth would you want to go on a vacation with these people? Stop it.