Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would feel like an idiot for knowingly sending my kids to an abusive environment each summer and then getting frustrated that it's not a happy, peaceful experience.

+1 Your dad slapped a 7 year old. Your mom made your kid eat out of the trash. What exactly do you need to hear to stop letting them watch your daughter??

+1 grandma and former teacher here

Clearly that was all too much for your parents and I think you know it was the last time it can happen. A week of constant togetherness for two 6/7 year olds is a lot so no wonder there was minor bickering. Evidently it was more than out-of-practice grandparents could handle.

I would not make a grand pronouncement about future visits but just comment that it’s a bummer things did not go well this year and you’ll be sure to be present for grandparent visits from now on to diffuse tensions. Next year just make other plans. If your parents ask, simply say that you thought it best to make other care arrangements in light of last year’s issues.

We’re in a similar situation with my in laws. Things have been slowly unraveling and FIL has some next health issues that i think are adding stress to the household.

I’m the parent always accused of helicoptering, but the kids finally had enough and so no more overnights with the grandparents. Have you asked your kids how they feel about the trip? My kids cane home from their last visit (last summer) and declared that they weren’t doing it ever again.

We’ve kept it subtle, just turning down every offer saying the kids don’t want yo be away so long, but I’m sure they notice that we let the kids go to MY parents’ house. If the ask, we’ll be happy to explain to them why the visits have stopped, but we didn’t want the fuss of some big declaration

I’d say that in our situation and in yours, the parties aren’t capable of learning or changing their behavior enough to make the trip work. So any big discussion would really be a wasted effort.

Anonymous wrote:I think you’re confusing your facts because in one sentenceyour Niece and nephew are teens, and in the next, it sounds like you’re saying they’re 7. Don’t try to change the story jut to get the response you want.

These are your parents. Is it likely they would smack a child or make them eat a waffle out of the garbage? For me, that would be enough to never send them there again, but I also know my parents are capable of such things.

Gee, you're a real peach.

Last unsupervised visit to their house for your kids.

I think the OP should tell her parents why the kids will not be with them unsupervised. She wouldn't be doing this with the expectation that they would agree, it really doesn't matter if they agree or not. She is telling them because she shouldn't have to constantly figure out reasons why kids can't stay alone with grandparents. They were abusive and I'm surprised that anyone would want to spare their feelings to avoid a confrontation. It will be a phone call anyway not a face to face intervention.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I asked because I’ve been accused of being an over reactive parent before. I wanted to make sure that when I tell my mom she can’t watch my kids again and why that I’m justified. Everyone’s responses have been helpful.

The person that posted her daughter how her daughter interacts with her niece was very insightful.

OP, there’s no need to be dramatic about it. Your mom is who she is. You don’t need a big announcement and a confrontation. Actions speak louder than words. You simply do not let your kids be in her care alone ever again. You’re never going to convince her that she did something wrong, don’t waste your breath.

Apologize to your daughter and tell her that you will never leave her alone with Grandma again.

My kids would never go there again.
Period.
Ask the teens if other things happened that you should know about.

Go get your kid immediately and never send her again. Problem solved.

Anonymous wrote:I would feel like an idiot for knowingly sending my kids to an abusive environment each summer and then getting frustrated that it's not a happy, peaceful experience.

. This

OP here. I asked because I’ve been accused of being an over reactive parent before. I wanted to make sure that when I tell my mom she can’t watch my kids again and why that I’m justified. Everyone’s responses have been helpful.

The person that posted her daughter how her daughter interacts with her niece was very insightful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would feel like an idiot for knowingly sending my kids to an abusive environment each summer and then getting frustrated that it's not a happy, peaceful experience.

+1 Your dad slapped a 7 year old. Your mom made your kid eat out of the trash. What exactly do you need to hear to stop letting them watch your daughter??

This. You really need to crowdsource this? I would apologize to my children for sending them there and not do it again.

But how I feel doesn't really matter. How do you and your spouse feel about it?

Of course your daughter lied. She's six, she knew she would get in trouble for throwing the waffle away, and she's old enough to understand that your parents have anger management issues. Stop sending your kids there.

You have to ask how to feel about your parents hitting a kid and making them eat out of the trash can? You’re seriously crowd-sourcing this?

I would not be that angry at my 6 yr old for lying about the waffle. Obviously she was saying what she thought her Grandma wanted to hear. That's exactly why children lie.

I would not worry about her saying she wanted to be separated from her cousin. I'm sure she meant just in that moment she wanted a break. No big deal.

I would never send my children to my parents again, knowing they hit a child.