Are you looking for a lifetime roommate or husband?

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he's gay.

I was thinking about the same thing. My girlfriend's ex was gay. She found out and divorced him. He is still in the closet. Even their daughter does not know.

Anonymous wrote:He turns you down??? That's the clue!

No guy I ever dated ever turned me down ever, never. I'm not anything special either. This would be an immediate red flag.

Run. End it. Block them all.

Set yourself free.

Sorry he's just not that into you. It doesn't matter if it's because he's gay or has low T or whatever. Guys show love through sex, and he may actually love you but if he does at this point it's like a sister. Sad, but true.

Regardless of if he’s not into you or maybe gay, you are just mismatched. You need to find someone who is more physically affectionate and one of his love languages is words. This is not the guy for you.

And I agree with PP about how difficult children are to a marriage. DH and I adore each other. Get along well. Speak the same love languages. And having a toddler is really stressful to the relationship. We adore DS and he’s the light of our life. But we are tired and cranky and sometimes take it out on each other. If we didn’t have such a strong foundation, there is a good chance the marriage would snap and break.

Do not marry this guy!! Don’t think “Well he must love me if he wants to marry me. I guess I should marry him.” He might not love you (or at least not love you the way you need to be loved). He might just be ticking off boxes. And you were the least annoying woman he could stand who his family also approves of. So ding-ding, you win the marriage ticket. It’s more of a business transaction than a loving marriage.

And the dirty little secret that no one talks about is that behind all those happy, un-divorced couples in his family are lots and lots of affairs. But the women stay silent and have their soul slowly crushed “for the sake of the family”.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he's gay.

What? Why do you think that??

Because he turns you down for sex.

When someone turns down sex that makes them gay? Here we go classic DCUM

No, but a guy in his 30’s saying he’s not in the mood 50% of the time is a redflag. Either he’s gay ir he’s not into you. This sounds like duty sex.

Anonymous wrote:I think I have finally figured out what has been happening with my relationship over the last 4 years. He is committed to me, he has no intention of leaving me, he wants to get married. There is no romance, no passion. His family ADORES me. He has said this to me repeatedly. He says that I am a "goddess" to them. I really think that he wants to be with me and marry me because he finally found someone that his family approves of. His family is very over bearing. I am used to it by now. He has made "off the cuff" comments about finally finding the right girl for his family. He is 37. I'm 31.

I feel like we are best friends, but there is no romance coming from him. I love him dearly. I get butterflies when we kiss, when he smiles, when we hold hands. Now, he is not a warm and fuzzy person in general. He does things for me that he knows I like (making a special dinner usually). He only says he loves me after I say it to him, he is not a hand holder but will hold my hand when I take his. He doesn't cuddle at all. If I cuddle up to him he will cuddle back for a few minutes. He never initiates intimacy, I do. Half of the time he turns me down (always a different reason).

If this a case of "he's just not that into you" or am I overthinking this?

If he's nearing 40, unmarried, doesn't initiate, and his family hated everyone else - I'd be questioning if I was a beard.

Are you both the same culture or heritage? if that is a factor too just bow out now. greek, jewish, indian, whatever, maybe his heart belongs to some blond in Texas not from his church or temple.

Just end it. I don't care about the He's Gay theory but I wish I RAN when his parents were kissing my @$$ to marry their son. 5 years later I realized he was just looking for Mommy #2 to baby him forever. No partnership marriage whatsoever.

Moms looking to unload their needy sons on women deserve a special place.

He's gay jumped into my head, too. Sounds like he likes you because you fit into the family. He likes you as a person, he likes being nice to you. But he doesn't get butterflies when you kiss, he doesn't even care. He'd prefer not to.

Break up with him.

Fast forward 10 years OP. You're married, with kids and you're in your early 40's.

You have no sex life. You feel unattractive to and unwanted by your partner. Everything that troubles you somewhat now has become your day to day reality, not a portion of the relationship. Small children exacerbate the stress in your relationship - and the tensions of that are not offset by a loving close relationship with your husband.

Walk away. It will be hard, but infinitely easier than divorce and better than confining yourself to a passionless, warmth deprived life.

I speak from direct experience. I love my children - and can't imagine life without them. But their existence is the only reason I don't desperately wish I had walked away from the kind, decent but wrong for me man I am married to.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he's gay.

What? Why do you think that??

Because he turns you down for sex.

When someone turns down sex that makes them gay? Here we go classic DCUM

It's not just that he turned her down for sex. He regularly turns down sex, never initiates sex, never initiates physical contact, never says "I love you" first (after 4 years), doesn't even hold hands -- he might be ace, but gay is statistically more likely.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he's gay.

What? Why do you think that??

Because it sounds like he's considerate and likes you, but not interested in you physically. A healthy, straight man that age initiates and does not turn down his GF's advances 50% of the time. It's just not the way it works.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He turns you down??? That's the clue!

Why would he stay with me for 4 years and start talking marriage, moving in together and kids?

Because he can't come out to his religious family. Sorry OP. I would walk away. You are still young.

+1 I thought the "sounds gay" poster was jumping the gun, but add in no one in his family has ever been divorced and no one in his family is out ... you're signing up to be a beard, OP. Don't do it.