Anonymous
07/15/2018 16:34
Subject: Let's play "Who is Right?": flying a dying relative across the country via coach versus first class
Weddings, death and real estate transactions bring out the worst in some people.
Anonymous
07/15/2018 16:32
Subject: Let's play "Who is Right?": flying a dying relative across the country via coach versus first class
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Coach, he is going to need 24/7 care and that money is better used to hire a caretaker and to help SIL. You have no idea what is is like to care for someone in that situation. They should get hospice in if they can get him health insurance, which generally covers it - medicare pays hospice but they are not full time providers in less you stay in the hospice home. You and your husband get no opinion as you are not willing to step up and care for him. You are greedy.
OP here. I agree with many of you that this is nuts. But as I said, it’s a long story. I have little say here, though my preference was to keep FIL with us. My SIL is very difficult and is adamant that FIL go to their home. Regarding being called cheap, DH and I are ready and willing to pay FIL’s expenses after he exhausts his savings, which is a strong likelihood, and we have already willingly incurred lots of expenses for his care. This is not about us being cheap, though it may well be about SIL being cheap. DH and SIL are now not speaking. My plan was to look into the cost to upgrade and try to get BIL to agree to let me cover the difference for both their tickets (if SIL catches wind if it she will be furious, taking it as a criticism). SIL has vehemently refused to allow hospice to come in yet but she will have to allow them at some point. I’ve seen family members die protracted, ugly deaths from cancer; SIL and BIL have not, and I don’t think they have a real grasp of what they’re in for.
The whole situation is really sad and feels really bad.
Don't let him go. Keep your FIL at your house. Your SIL is already not speaking to you and your DH, so who cares if she gets madder. Just keep your FIL at your house. You know that is best for him, you're willing to care for him, you have the resources to care for him, and you apparently have been through something similar before. Keep him with you and reimburse your in-laws for the plane tickets, if necessary.
Anonymous
07/15/2018 16:29
Subject: Let's play "Who is Right?": flying a dying relative across the country via coach versus first class
Anonymous wrote:Coach, he is going to need 24/7 care and that money is better used to hire a caretaker and to help SIL. You have no idea what is is like to care for someone in that situation. They should get hospice in if they can get him health insurance, which generally covers it - medicare pays hospice but they are not full time providers in less you stay in the hospice home. You and your husband get no opinion as you are not willing to step up and care for him. You are greedy.
OP here. I agree with many of you that this is nuts. But as I said, it’s a long story. I have little say here, though my preference was to keep FIL with us. My SIL is very difficult and is adamant that FIL go to their home. Regarding being called cheap, DH and I are ready and willing to pay FIL’s expenses after he exhausts his savings, which is a strong likelihood, and we have already willingly incurred lots of expenses for his care. This is not about us being cheap, though it may well be about SIL being cheap. DH and SIL are now not speaking. My plan was to look into the cost to upgrade and try to get BIL to agree to let me cover the difference for both their tickets (if SIL catches wind if it she will be furious, taking it as a criticism). SIL has vehemently refused to allow hospice to come in yet but she will have to allow them at some point. I’ve seen family members die protracted, ugly deaths from cancer; SIL and BIL have not, and I don’t think they have a real grasp of what they’re in for.
The whole situation is really sad and feels really bad.
Anonymous
07/15/2018 16:26
Subject: Re:Let's play "Who is Right?": flying a dying relative across the country via coach versus first class
Anonymous wrote:I don't know why I read this thread. It is sad and awful, and I say that as someone who is on DCUM nearly 24/7 and reads a lot of threads.
This.
He should not be moved. Flying across the country is stressful for anyone. For someone in his condition... wow.
And first class does not make it okay.
Anonymous
07/15/2018 16:14
Subject: Let's play "Who is Right?": flying a dying relative across the country via coach versus first class
Actually, your husband should fly out to FIL and help brother fly him home.
Anonymous
07/15/2018 16:14
Subject: Let's play "Who is Right?": flying a dying relative across the country via coach versus first class
With only 80k in the bank and no insurance, the last thing I would be worried about the cost of a plane ticket. Do you all realize the funeral, burial, etc. will eat a lot of that anyway? It’s prettt silly that anyone is counting on getting any of this 80k.
Anonymous
07/15/2018 16:14
Subject: Re:Let's play "Who is Right?": flying a dying relative across the country via coach versus first class
I don't know why I read this thread. It is sad and awful, and I say that as someone who is on DCUM nearly 24/7 and reads a lot of threads.
Anonymous
07/15/2018 16:12
Subject: Let's play "Who is Right?": flying a dying relative across the country via coach versus first class
Coach, he is going to need 24/7 care and that money is better used to hire a caretaker and to help SIL. You have no idea what is is like to care for someone in that situation. They should get hospice in if they can get him health insurance, which generally covers it - medicare pays hospice but they are not full time providers in less you stay in the hospice home. You and your husband get no opinion as you are not willing to step up and care for him. You are greedy.
Anonymous
07/15/2018 16:10
Subject: Let's play "Who is Right?": flying a dying relative across the country via coach versus first class
In home hospice care.
Anonymous
07/15/2018 16:04
Subject: Re:Let's play "Who is Right?": flying a dying relative across the country via coach versus first class
I agree. Maybe you should purchase the ticket since you are both very concerned. I don’t mean that rudely but just out of your concerns it sounds like the only way to make the situation better in your eyes. If everyone is already going back and forth before this man dies, I can tell you it is only going to get worse when the time comes. As a Wife I would try calm the situation instead of stoking the fire of “who is right”. After your husband’s fathers die will anyone care about being right? Pay for the ticket or let it go
Anonymous
07/15/2018 16:01
Subject: Re:Let's play "Who is Right?": flying a dying relative across the country via coach versus first class
Frequent flyer here. Get the confirmation number for the ticket then go on the airline's website (not the travel company's website.. so like United not Expedia) and pull up the booking. You can often pay to upgrade it right away.
If not, wait until 24 hours before the flrst flight departs, when online check-in has just opened. They sometimes offer to pay for a first upgrade at that point.
Note you said he's in a smaller city without direct service from DC. That flight may be on a smaller plane with only economy service. If you want to disclose the airline and/or destination airport, I may be able to give some more advice if you need it..
If not, wait until 24 hours before the flrst flight departs, when online check-in has just opened. They sometimes offer to pay for a first upgrade at that point.
Note you said he's in a smaller city without direct service from DC. That flight may be on a smaller plane with only economy service. If you want to disclose the airline and/or destination airport, I may be able to give some more advice if you need it..
Anonymous
07/15/2018 16:01
Subject: Re:Let's play "Who is Right?": flying a dying relative across the country via coach versus first class
I don't understand why you are moving him at all. Does he have any say in this?
Anonymous
07/15/2018 15:59
Subject: Let's play "Who is Right?": flying a dying relative across the country via coach versus first class
If you and DH are concerned, what is stopping you for paying the price difference to have his seat and his companion's seat bumped up to first class?
Your thread title alone shows me where your heart really is with this. Are you really so concerned with being RIGHT?
Your thread title alone shows me where your heart really is with this. Are you really so concerned with being RIGHT?
Anonymous
07/15/2018 15:59
Subject: Re:Let's play "Who is Right?": flying a dying relative across the country via coach versus first class
You are all wrong. He should not be moved.
Anonymous
07/15/2018 15:59
Subject: Re:Let's play "Who is Right?": flying a dying relative across the country via coach versus first class
Domestic first class isn’t really that much of an improvement over economy plus. International is a completely different story.
I’m in the camp that moving him is crazy.
I’m in the camp that moving him is crazy.