Anonymous wrote:Hey it's me, the 13 year old again, I just want to add that all I know about myself, is that I don't think I'm straight. Also, a majority of my friends are figuring this stuff out really quickly, and it's just adding to the confusion.

OP...I feel for you. It's a very confusing time. I'm quite a bit older than you but let me just tell you that I had a very good friend in middle school who "knew" that she had a strong same-sex attraction because of exactly what you described in your original post. (Strong feelings for a girlfriend and no physical attraction to random guys)...but the object of her affection was straight so she didn't even try to act on it or profess it in any way. They just hung out and had fun together.

But my friend "declared" that year that (mostly to herself and a couple of really good friends since it wasn't an LGBT-friendly time) that she was a lesbian.

Fast-forward to college and she comes out to all, meets the girl of her dreams, and they have a commitment ceremony. Like 50% of all couples, it didn't work out.
And, surprisingly, a few years after that, this friend is dating a MAN and they are getting married.

I asked her about it and she said "you know...I think we have it all wrong with the labels and such! I think sexual attraction is decidedly on a SPECTRUM! Some people fall sooooo far on one side of the sliding scale or the other that they can scream "I'm straight!" or "I'm gay!" at the first question of any of that." It was her very strong opinion that she is not "bi" or "gay" or "straight" but just that your soul just falls in love with another soul...we are attracted to people for who they are and what they mean to us. She says she wished she had not spent so much of her teens under a label she didn't really understand or fully identify with.

I think some of your friends who are quick to proclaim may discover something similar down the road.

Anonymous wrote:I've grown up thinking that I was straight, you know, liking guys. But then I started having feelings for this girl who I'm friends with, and now I'm really confused. Thinking back on it, I've only had a few crushes about 3 or 4 people in the past (not counting the girl now). I usually don't find random guys attractive, but I've started finding more girls attractive.

However, here's the thing, I know I'm not lesbian, and I'm pretty sure I'm not bisexual. In addition, the other day my friend and I were talking about this, and she thinks that I'm demisexual. (Which means that you only feel sexually attracted to a person once you've formed a bond with them). The only issue is, my friend explained it a little differently: that you grow up thinking you're straight, and are not looking for relationships/craving them. And also the blanket definition. This sounded like me, but I feel like (after watching several youtube videos) that it may not be me.

So lately I've been pretty confused, and I don't know what to do.

Also I think the girl I like might be straight, but I don't know how to ask her.

If anyone can help me (primarily with the first issue), and maybe give me ideas or feedback, I would appreciate it. I'm just really confused an I could use the support.

I didn't really like anyone in my neighborhood or school, though by HS dated a guy in my circle of track friends. no sparks though.
College was way better. I think I was didn't have the interesting guys or maturity in my (non DMV area) MS or HS.

13 is young, don't worry. you do not need to be dating at all. try again in a couple years and just study, develop your interests and pick some cool colleges you'd love to go to. Many of your best friends a significant others will be once you are at college and beyond. Not fishbowl MS and HS. And the private school around here are even smaller class grade sizes...

Anonymous wrote:Please do not share these personal feelings with the teachers at your school. Seek the help of your parents or a licensed councelor.

Please beware of any adults who show unusual interest in your sexual well-being.

+1
(1) Please talk to an adult that you trust about this. Hopefully, it's your mom.
(2) Please do not worry. Whether you are straight or gay or bi, it will be ok. Give yourself time and space to figure it out. And once you think you figured it all out, remember that it's ok to change your mind. Follow your heart. See what feels right and what makes you happy. Puberty sucks for pretty much everyone. Some fake it better than others. You'll get through this. I promise.

Please do not share these personal feelings with the teachers at your school. Seek the help of your parents or a licensed councelor.

Please beware of any adults who show unusual interest in your sexual well-being.

OP, where are your parents? I'm assuming you've discussed this with your mom... right? What did she say?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have plenty of time to figure your sexuality out. There's no need to choose a label and feel stuck with it forever. I generally identify as bisexual and have since I was a teenager. I know that it's more complicated than that, and at this point I just kind of go with the flow. I'm attracted to I'm attracted to, I love who I love. The labels really don't matter.

Thank you that's exactly how I feel, but all of my friends around me know so fast and I don't understand that.

They think they know. My daughter thought she knew, too. She was wrong. Let yourself become who you are. You don't have to figure this out now, even though I know it would relieve some anxiety for you. Good luck, OP. You'll figure it out eventually.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have plenty of time to figure your sexuality out. There's no need to choose a label and feel stuck with it forever. I generally identify as bisexual and have since I was a teenager. I know that it's more complicated than that, and at this point I just kind of go with the flow. I'm attracted to I'm attracted to, I love who I love. The labels really don't matter.

Thank you that's exactly how I feel, but all of my friends around me know so fast and I don't understand that.

People have different personalities and kids respond to the uncertainties of adolescence differently. Some kids are quick to adopt and proclaim a label, and may find in a year or two or five that it doesn't fit them anymore - and switch. Some kids minimize their confusing or conflicted feelings and pick one thing to run with. Other kids are more paralyzed or frozen in response to the confusing feelings. They take it slow and wait to figure things out and stay kind of quieter. Neither is a "wrong" way to be and neither is a "right" way to be. Most of it is personality, and some of it is that puberty affects kids at a range of ages.

I remember being a "later bloomer" - and I was not someone who had "crushes" as a tween or young teenager. I definitely considered if maybe I wasn't straight because I didn't seem to have the same boy crushes as other tween friends. But it turns out I was just young and not as far through puberty as some other kids, as well as being a bit shy and hating to ever be the center of attention. (And having a "crush" or "boyfriend" in 5th-8th grade is kind of more about the whole social group knowing and talking about it and giggling and whatnot rather than a relationship between the two individuals - at least it seemed that way to me). It was way too public for my 12-13 year old comfort and I am perfectly fine with having hung back until high school.


TL;DR - growing up is confusing but really, you're all fine and you'll figure it out.

I find the term "demisexual" to be amusing. I think that it's great to be emotionally connected to a person before desiring that person sexually. I guess that I evolved into a "demisexual" over time, although I don't announce this to people!

Anonymous wrote:OP is not 13.

- parent to three teenagers

2nd.

The writing is too polished, especially the use of the parenthetical statements.

Anonymous wrote:OP is not 13.

- parent to three teenagers

What is the point of your post? 13 or not, someone posted seeking information and support. What do you gain by shutting that down?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey it's me, the 13 year old again, I just want to add that all I know about myself, is that I don't think I'm straight. Also, a majority of my friends are figuring this stuff out really quickly, and it's just adding to the confusion.

How do you know that you are not straight if you never tried to build a relationship with the man?

Stop worry about other people. It is not your business how fast they figure out something, and life is not a race. This is the people you may never hear about once you graduate from high school. Why are you worry about them or compare yourself to them? They are not a golden standard. Some of those people who think they figured out at the age of 13 will find out at the age of 40 that they didn’t figure out anything.

So true!

My thought exactly. Just becasue your frinds think they have "figured it out" or you think they have doesn't mean they have. Life is long.

OP is not 13.

- parent to three teenagers

Most kids who during their teens think they are not straight end up identifying as straight by the time they are 21. The teen years are all about identity development. That is the stage of life. If you have the same identity at 17 and 19 - then likely you have figured it out.

With current discussion and peer pressure around exploring sexual and gender identity, most kids are going to wonder if they aren't straight at some point during their teen years. You aren't supposed to have it figured by 13.

13 is still young and people do mature at different rates. Try not to be too worried that your friends seem to have things figured out. You will figure it all out, too. Sexuality is truly a spectrum. I know you might feel a little adrift, and I know that doesn't feel comfortable at times.

What I tell my son is to find someone who is kind and honest, and for him to be kind and honest to them. Kindness, honesty -- these are the healthy underpinnings of all relationships. So regardless of who you may feel attracted to, keep looking for those. They won't lead you wrong.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hey it's me, the 13 year old again, I just want to add that all I know about myself, is that I don't think I'm straight. Also, a majority of my friends are figuring this stuff out really quickly, and it's just adding to the confusion.

How do you know that you are not straight if you never tried to build a relationship with the man?

Stop worry about other people. It is not your business how fast they figure out something, and life is not a race. This is the people you may never hear about once you graduate from high school. Why are you worry about them or compare yourself to them? They are not a golden standard. Some of those people who think they figured out at the age of 13 will find out at the age of 40 that they didn’t figure out anything.

So true!