It sounds like you want to reconnect with your past. I would not recommend connecting again with your ex-husband. That doesn't bode well for your current marriage and it sounds like you are happy, but just feel like something is missing. Maybe you could try reconnecting with some of the old friends you lost? There has been time since your divorce, so it might be possible that whatever feelings caused them to distance themselves from you have had time to heal and it might be possible to move forward with those friends again.

So sorry to hear about your loss of your mother. Loss of family is never easy.

Praying for you!!

I can completely relate, OP. My only advice is to weather it without contacting the ex and mourn the loss of your past and its witnesses. You are not alone.

You have a nice writing style, OP. Why not write a memoir, just for your own safe keeping and personal consumption?