Anonymous
Post 07/09/2018 12:58     Subject: Re:Anyone else’s 3.5 year old girl have possessed by the devil tantrums?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How do you discipline her and her behavior? There should definitely be some kind of consequences for that behavior.


Uh, no. They cant control it. They have limited to no self regulation. Discipline would teach them to suppress their emotions. Not healthy in the long run.


It's not a seizure, or a bloody nose, it's a tantrum. A three year old is not a grown up, and I would never expect grown behavior or emotional management, but If the problem is so bad that you really think it's completely uncontrollable, then the kid is not on the normal spectrum
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2018 12:42     Subject: Anyone else’s 3.5 year old girl have possessed by the devil tantrums?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have just turned 3yo who is screams to try to get her way. She also escalates play with her older sister into a poking, grabbing, pummeling, hair pulling mess. Her sister ends up in a fetal position yelling for help. They are close in age and in size, but the older one is 5 and mostly rational. Everything with the 3yo is a battle. Right now, my whole focus is on improving the bedtime routine. It is an exhausting epic battle. Sometimes, I try to end it... but she clings to me and gets so hysterical.


So many typos! I have a just turned 3yo who screams...



What? Your one daughter is physically assaulting the other to the pint that she is terrified, curled up, and yelling for you, yet the thing you need to conquer is bedtime? How about helping your poor 5 year old feel safe and secure. Where are you when all of this is happening? If you’re 3 year old is a violent child, you shouldn’t be leaving her alone with her sister. It sickens me that it sounds like this is a recurring issue and these kids are unsupervised. Your poor 5 year old is getting hit and you keep allowing that situation to happen. Discipline your little brat.


DP. For my DC, the meltdowns are related to sleep. Focusing on bedtime seems like an excellent strategy.


Well what do propose pp does to protect her other child? Just let her get hurt while they figure it out? She had more than one kid, but seems to be acting like only one matters. I just feel so sad for that poor child. She must live her life in constant fear.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2018 12:36     Subject: Anyone else’s 3.5 year old girl have possessed by the devil tantrums?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have just turned 3yo who is screams to try to get her way. She also escalates play with her older sister into a poking, grabbing, pummeling, hair pulling mess. Her sister ends up in a fetal position yelling for help. They are close in age and in size, but the older one is 5 and mostly rational. Everything with the 3yo is a battle. Right now, my whole focus is on improving the bedtime routine. It is an exhausting epic battle. Sometimes, I try to end it... but she clings to me and gets so hysterical.


So many typos! I have a just turned 3yo who screams...



What? Your one daughter is physically assaulting the other to the pint that she is terrified, curled up, and yelling for you, yet the thing you need to conquer is bedtime? How about helping your poor 5 year old feel safe and secure. Where are you when all of this is happening? If you’re 3 year old is a violent child, you shouldn’t be leaving her alone with her sister. It sickens me that it sounds like this is a recurring issue and these kids are unsupervised. Your poor 5 year old is getting hit and you keep allowing that situation to happen. Discipline your little brat.


DP. For my DC, the meltdowns are related to sleep. Focusing on bedtime seems like an excellent strategy.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2018 12:34     Subject: Re:Anyone else’s 3.5 year old girl have possessed by the devil tantrums?
Anonymous wrote:How do you discipline her and her behavior? There should definitely be some kind of consequences for that behavior.


Uh, no. They cant control it. They have limited to no self regulation. Discipline would teach them to suppress their emotions. Not healthy in the long run.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2018 12:28     Subject: Anyone else’s 3.5 year old girl have possessed by the devil tantrums?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I have just turned 3yo who is screams to try to get her way. She also escalates play with her older sister into a poking, grabbing, pummeling, hair pulling mess. Her sister ends up in a fetal position yelling for help. They are close in age and in size, but the older one is 5 and mostly rational. Everything with the 3yo is a battle. Right now, my whole focus is on improving the bedtime routine. It is an exhausting epic battle. Sometimes, I try to end it... but she clings to me and gets so hysterical.


So many typos! I have a just turned 3yo who screams...



What? Your one daughter is physically assaulting the other to the pint that she is terrified, curled up, and yelling for you, yet the thing you need to conquer is bedtime? How about helping your poor 5 year old feel safe and secure. Where are you when all of this is happening? If you’re 3 year old is a violent child, you shouldn’t be leaving her alone with her sister. It sickens me that it sounds like this is a recurring issue and these kids are unsupervised. Your poor 5 year old is getting hit and you keep allowing that situation to happen. Discipline your little brat.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2018 10:21     Subject: Re:Anyone else’s 3.5 year old girl have possessed by the devil tantrums?
OP here: thanks.

I physically man handle her and force her to do things (like sit on top of her, pin her arms, and brush her teeth) because like one of the PP's said, I want her to realize who is the boss (I am big, she is little, brushing her teeth isnt a choice, she HAS to do it, and throwing a fit isnt going to get her out of it). I dont do things like that for brushing her hair. but if we have to go somewhere and she's refusing to go, I will drag her kicking and screaming and FORCIBLY shove her into her carseat and buckle her in shrieking.

Ignoring her doesnt usually help. Sometimes if we leave her alone in her room throwing a fit screaming long enough and come back in 20 mins, she's calmed down and is like a new person.

The worst is she gets physically violent - scratching hitting adults, she also gets verbally abusive ("go away mommy! GO AWAY!") etc.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2018 10:19     Subject: Re:Anyone else’s 3.5 year old girl have possessed by the devil tantrums?
Anonymous wrote:yes, yes, +1000. My 3yo DD has always been like this though. Discipline does not help. We NEVER reward the tantrums - which happen many times a day some days, in public or at home, also often during the night (sort of resembling a night terror but she's pretty awake?). She flails her body, throws herself backward, hits her head, etc. Not rewarding them doesn't seem to matter to DD, which suggests to me that they aren't really a way of her trying to "get her way" but rather something about her personality/temperament/emotional makeup that she can't really control yet. Given that she went from colicky newborn to fussy baby to sensitive, often-crying young toddler to demonic tantrums, I assume this is just how she is. I try to respond by being as even and unruffled as possible. No rises out of me. I also follow through on EVERYTHING I say we will do. It doesn't help necessarily, but I think it at least prevents her from using the tantrums in a more manipulative manner maybe? Or maybe i'm just telling myself that so I don't feel like the worst parent ever


OP here: interesting because my DD was the chillest, easiest, happiest baby, and is generally a very agreeable socially mature toddler. My son on the other hand was a fussy newborn, colicky baby, intense toddler, but never had out of control tantrums.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2018 09:01     Subject: Anyone else’s 3.5 year old girl have possessed by the devil tantrums?
My 3.5 yo definitely suffers from epic tantrum throwing, no matter what we do. We punish her, she screams and hits as if someone is physically attacking her. We ignore her, she does the same. We try to talk to her and nothing changes. My kid is in preschool full time, from about 9.30 to 4 daily. We took a vaca over 4th of July, and besides being tired from all the extra activity, she was so well behaved. I think perhaps some of it stems from lack of attention? As in she needs more parental time? No idea. Back at school today, so we'll see if my theory is correct.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2018 08:53     Subject: Re:Anyone else’s 3.5 year old girl have possessed by the devil tantrums?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How do you discipline her and her behavior? There should definitely be some kind of consequences for that behavior.


Totally agree. A three year old is way too old for that nonsense. But I think we are in the minority.


It's easy to say that. It's hard to believe that you have a child who has epic tantrums/meltdowns. Not all kids do, only one of mine did.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2018 08:43     Subject: Re:Anyone else’s 3.5 year old girl have possessed by the devil tantrums?
yes, yes, +1000. My 3yo DD has always been like this though. Discipline does not help. We NEVER reward the tantrums - which happen many times a day some days, in public or at home, also often during the night (sort of resembling a night terror but she's pretty awake?). She flails her body, throws herself backward, hits her head, etc. Not rewarding them doesn't seem to matter to DD, which suggests to me that they aren't really a way of her trying to "get her way" but rather something about her personality/temperament/emotional makeup that she can't really control yet. Given that she went from colicky newborn to fussy baby to sensitive, often-crying young toddler to demonic tantrums, I assume this is just how she is. I try to respond by being as even and unruffled as possible. No rises out of me. I also follow through on EVERYTHING I say we will do. It doesn't help necessarily, but I think it at least prevents her from using the tantrums in a more manipulative manner maybe? Or maybe i'm just telling myself that so I don't feel like the worst parent ever
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2018 08:27     Subject: Anyone else’s 3.5 year old girl have possessed by the devil tantrums?
Mom of boys here, but 3.5 was worst age for both. 4 was so much better.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2018 08:21     Subject: Re:Anyone else’s 3.5 year old girl have possessed by the devil tantrums?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:How do you discipline her and her behavior? There should definitely be some kind of consequences for that behavior.


I'm the PP with the 5 yo and I've spoken extensively with the pediatrician about this. Consequences don't work because she's not in control of herself: she's not deciding to do this, she's overwhelmed (and probably scared of the big feelings). She'll blow through punishments, there is literally nothing we could do or take away that would change the behavior in the moment. Modeling calming down works long term but not so much in the moment.

RE: physically restraining or forcing her, I know easier said than done but try not to unless it's an urgent safety matter. Not only does it spin things up, but now that DD is 5 and 40-something pounds of muscle, we really can't do it anymore. Better to wait out the tantrum and then calmly resume the "When you brush your teeth we can finally do x." It's so hard, I'm not saying I react well all the time!


My DD who just turned 4 has periods where she seems to get possessed. I’ve taken the approach mentioned above and find that she is getting better and better about learning to regulate herself. She will usually come over sniffling and tell me she’s calmed down. She usually will make an absurd request as a way of establishing control over her little world. Something unrelated to the offending issue.

Anonymous
Post 07/09/2018 08:01     Subject: Re:Anyone else’s 3.5 year old girl have possessed by the devil tantrums?
Anonymous wrote:How do you discipline her and her behavior? There should definitely be some kind of consequences for that behavior.


Totally agree. A three year old is way too old for that nonsense. But I think we are in the minority.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2018 07:54     Subject: Anyone else’s 3.5 year old girl have possessed by the devil tantrums?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Totally normal for my two girls. Discipline just escalated things. Some kids have big emotions, and control of those emotions requires further brain development. I did a lot of forced tooth brushings and hair washings at age 3.


Yeah I’m not sure if physically man handling her and hog tying her to comb her hair or brush her teeth is emotionally scarring - sigh

And Re chopping her hair she has gorgeous Shirley temple curls. Which is why it’s often a birds nest


No, it’s not scarring. They soon forget. It does teach them that throwing a fit doesn’t make everyday tasks like tooth brushing go away. If you give in to tantrums, you’ll get more of them.
Anonymous
Post 07/09/2018 06:47     Subject: Anyone else’s 3.5 year old girl have possessed by the devil tantrums?
My daughter is now 11 and was like this at your daughter's age. I will tell you that although it has gotten easier, she still has meltdowns like this, and has been diagnosed with anxiety. The meltdowns were a form of sensory overload and a release of pent up nerves.

She is better in control of herself now because she can recognize at this age when her anxiety feelings are bubbling up, and implement breathing exercises, meditation and relaxation tips to help her regain her center.

My best advice to you is to not engage, don't match her drama (that's so hard!) but also recognize that there may be more than meets the eye in terms of what you are seeing. Read the book "Angry Octopus" with her and practice calming breaths.