Anonymous wrote:It is totally rude NOT to bring something! "just bring yourself" means "bring wine or beer" for most not-rude people.

Right, as long as it is something that doesn't HAVE to be served--or stored in the fridge--right away.

Check yourself on what you are or are not bringing to your hosts, people; the etiquette is clear:

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/dana-holmes/hostess-gift-dos-donts_b_2193915.html

http://emilypost.com/advice/should-i-bring-a-hostess-gift/

http://www.chicagotribune.com/lifestyles/sc-cons-1113-savvy-shopper-20141107-story.html

Anonymous wrote:It is totally rude NOT to bring something! "just bring yourself" means "bring wine or beer" for most not-rude people.

false.

It is totally rude NOT to bring something! "just bring yourself" means "bring wine or beer" for most not-rude people.

Anonymous wrote:I do think it is a tiny bit rude to bring food (especially a lot of food) when not asked. When my MIL would do this to me, I'd get a little defensive -- thinking it was like she was suggesting I wouldn't serve enough food or good food. But she's just a giver and its what she does.

NP. Not only "when not asked," but when specifically asked NOT to? Yes, that is rude. If you feel you must bring a hostess gift, bring something small and unobtrusive.

I especially dislike it when house guests do this over the holidays. When you have to do Thanksgiving dinner plus overnight guest meals on a few days on either side, fridge space--and even pantry/counter space--is at a premium. I of course always ask people to bring things like muffins or desserts or side dishes if they ask and actively want to contribute. So it is not that I corner the hosting market and don't let others participate. But when you are supposed to bring muffins for Wednesday breakfast and two bottles of wine for Thanksgiving Day, and you roll up with duplicate pumpkin pie and a veggie tray, you are really not being helpful.

In some cultures, it would be rude to show up empty-handed.

I do really hate when people bring a lot of extra food when I’ve planned a menu—like, if I wanted to do potluck, I would let you know—but I try to remind myself to be grateful that my biggest problem is *too much* food.

And then I remind myself to take hostess gifts that aren’t meant to be served right away.

Anonymous wrote:Does she have any dietary restrictions? I’m a gluten free vegetarian with food allergies and I’m always happier bringing something I know I can eat vs. hoping for the best. Not all hosts know about my restrictions and I don’t want to bring them up so I may bring something I know I can eat if it will be more than just a few hours.

No, no dietary restrictions for her or her family.

Anonymous wrote:I throw parties two or three times a month and someone always brings unnecessary stuff. It's fine!

Some people just can't show up empty handed. It's not rude. I just can't imagine waking up the day after a good party and being annoyed enough at the state of my fridge to post about it.

It seems so...joyless..

I understand it. Like the OP, I have issues about a stacked-full refrigerator.

It does seem rude to me to bring something when the host specifically asked people not to, but you can't control what other people do.

I do think it is a tiny bit rude to bring food (especially a lot of food) when not asked. When my MIL would do this to me, I'd get a little defensive -- thinking it was like she was suggesting I wouldn't serve enough food or good food. But she's just a giver and its what she does.

I throw parties two or three times a month and someone always brings unnecessary stuff. It's fine!

Some people just can't show up empty handed. It's not rude. I just can't imagine waking up the day after a good party and being annoyed enough at the state of my fridge to post about it.

It seems so...joyless..

Does she have any dietary restrictions? I’m a gluten free vegetarian with food allergies and I’m always happier bringing something I know I can eat vs. hoping for the best. Not all hosts know about my restrictions and I don’t want to bring them up so I may bring something I know I can eat if it will be more than just a few hours.

Anonymous wrote:Freeze the blueberries, use the cheese in a frittata or omlettes this week or make cheese puffs for your next event, take the beer out of the fridge and store in a cool dark place and toss the pasta salad.

And this is why everyone should entertain - because you would never bring anything other than flowers or wine/champagne (unchilled) to a party when the host says to just bring yourself.

Why the pasta salad and blueberries? So weird.

I don't know, especially as we already had both pasta salad and a fruit salad that included blueberries!

I'm the same way, PP--I always bring a box of chocolates or an unchilled bottle of wine when I'm asked to bring only myself. I bring something that doesn't require any immediate effort or expectation on the part of the host. If I do bring flowers, they are already trimmed and in a small vase or a mason jar--that way the host doesn't have to stop everything, fill a vase, remove the cellophane, etc.

Anonymous wrote: Why didn't you send it home with her? My neighbors do lots of events with contributions and you take home your leftovers after usually offering them to the host or guests if appropriate. Anyone like a few cookies for tomorrow?

As I mentioned, she was an out-of-town guest. I'm not going to send her back to Tennessee with a bunch of cheese. I sent the local cousin home with food, but as I mentioned, most people were from out of town. The Tennessee cousin was staying in my local aunt's home while my aunt was visiting other relatives; she left the day after the party.

Freeze the blueberries, use the cheese in a frittata or omlettes this week or make cheese puffs for your next event, take the beer out of the fridge and store in a cool dark place and toss the pasta salad.

And this is why everyone should entertain - because you would never bring anything other than flowers or wine/champagne (unchilled) to a party when the host says to just bring yourself.

Why the pasta salad and blueberries? So weird.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^Yes, but it would all feel like "my stuff, my problem." I was already worried about excess, and that's on me. The other stuff feels like, "Why?"

Won't beer skunk if you take it out of the fridge after it's been cold?

Nope! Get that beer out of the refrigerator and feel liberated.

Thank you, PP! This does make me feel liberated.

Wow you do not sound nice OP.