Stockholm syndrome.

There is nothing wrong with you. It sounds like you have always been the responsible, caring person who is unwilling to hurt someone you love. So it sounds like you have tried counseling, and that's not working. Is your husband physically abusive? If so, I suggest removing yourself from that environment. Can you try a legal separation and either get a place of your own, or move in with a family member or friend for awhile? Are you in individual counseling? Sometimes when we are in the middle of a situation, we can't see the situation clearly, it can help if you distance yourself from the situation so you can get a clearer view of reality. I encourage you to seek counseling so that you can see and make those difficult choices that are best for you.

Anonymous wrote:^^^^ Biting the bullet makes it sound so simple. Like telling a mentally ill person to just “snap out of it.”

It is more complicated than that.
Because it is like walking into a forest at night.

-Not the OP

OP literally said the only thing stopping her is knowing how "hurt" he will be, so obviously she has her ducks in a row and has for "quite some time." She just has to pull the trigger.

It is NOT the same as telling a depressed person to "snap out of it."

^^^^ Biting the bullet makes it sound so simple. Like telling a mentally ill person to just “snap out of it.”

It is more complicated than that.
Because it is like walking into a forest at night.

-Not the OP

Anonymous wrote:I’ve known for awhile now that I need to divorce my husband. He’s truly awful to be with, we’ve tried counseling multiple times, and our current counselor has flat out told me he’s not going to change. The only thing stopping me is that I know how much it will hurt him. I keep picturing him sad and alone in an empty house.

I know it’s crazy because he gives zero craps about hurting me. I know he probably won’t even be all that sad, maybe a little because he lost his punching bag and servant. But I just can’t bring myself to hurt him even though this marriage is killing me.

What is wrong with me? Why am I unable to put myself first?

Because you're just too scared to leave, too scared to be the one to pull the plug, and you're looking for reasons to justify to yourself why you're staying.

Just bite the bullet and leave, he will be fine, and so will you.