Maybe you feel that your family is closer to your side of the family, because your spouse is a better sport about getting along with them. At least in your head, what's not to love, right? You've mentioned that you hang low, go away and excuse yourself due to the language barrier, so maybe you're not putting your best effort into trying to get to know them. I'm not sure what their class has to do with them annoying you, but you never really mentioned anything specific. If you had a better attitude about different family dynamics, then maybe the spouse wouldn't yell at you so much. You don't necessarily have to prepare for your family's arrival, but it sounds like at least your spouse is mentally and physically there when they do visit. Maybe your spouse would like for you to reciprocate for once.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really?! So not enabling batshit crazy behavior = unloving?! Really??? What planet are you from? I’m from the land of treating others the way you want to be treated. I would never want or expect my spouse to smile and obey when I’m acting crazy for no good reason. If my family were to cause me such angst, I would pop a Xanax and deal. But, I guess you are an enabler. Good luck with that.

Geez, bring it down a notch, crazy... dial it down.

Sounds like you could use that xanax now.
Talk about intense... you sound like a blast to be around.

+100

Calm down crazy!

+1000

OP, if you're half as annoying in real life as you've been in your posts, I think we're all siding with your SPOUSE.

Anonymous wrote:Just say husband or wife! MAN AND WIFE.

I love it when people can bring a Princess Bride quote into a discussion. Well done.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Really?! So not enabling batshit crazy behavior = unloving?! Really??? What planet are you from? I’m from the land of treating others the way you want to be treated. I would never want or expect my spouse to smile and obey when I’m acting crazy for no good reason. If my family were to cause me such angst, I would pop a Xanax and deal. But, I guess you are an enabler. Good luck with that.

Geez, bring it down a notch, crazy... dial it down.

Sounds like you could use that xanax now.
Talk about intense... you sound like a blast to be around.

+100

Calm down crazy!

Gosh, I’m totally the spouse who spazzes out of control when our family or anyone for that matter comes to visit. I often feel like I’m not living up to Spouse’s family expectations. They are wealthy and we aren’t. When they come in I always feel like everything that could go wrong does. I feel judged. Please give your spouse a little grace and try not to take it too personal.

Anonymous wrote:Really?! So not enabling batshit crazy behavior = unloving?! Really??? What planet are you from? I’m from the land of treating others the way you want to be treated. I would never want or expect my spouse to smile and obey when I’m acting crazy for no good reason. If my family were to cause me such angst, I would pop a Xanax and deal. But, I guess you are an enabler. Good luck with that.

Geez, bring it down a notch, crazy... dial it down.

Sounds like you could use that xanax now.
Talk about intense... you sound like a blast to be around.

Really?! So not enabling batshit crazy behavior = unloving?! Really??? What planet are you from? I’m from the land of treating others the way you want to be treated. I would never want or expect my spouse to smile and obey when I’m acting crazy for no good reason. If my family were to cause me such angst, I would pop a Xanax and deal. But, I guess you are an enabler. Good luck with that.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. Spouse knows their behavior is horrible. I’m frustrated and decided to not to help. I don’t act like a lunatic when my family visits, I don’t demand everyone start manically cleaning, I don’t suddenky fix a broken door handle, so no. I’m not “Honey...” anything. It’s time for spouse to grow up or tell family to stop visiting. Funny thing is that spouse has yelled and yelled and done nothing. Arrival day is Sunday and I’ve made plans for all day tomorrow. I refuse to enable this self-induced anxiety.

Perphaps you can be a LOVING spouse and help to reduce the anxiety instead of ignorning it or taking it personally. I don't care if you are the husband or wife, you are a terirble spouse.

"You get really angry and critical of me before your parents visit us. I am not putting up with it anymore. If the house, the kids, or I, do not measure up to your sense of their expectations, then TOO BAD. I am not lifting a finger for their next visit if you're going to be like this. You will have to weed, clean, grocery shop, put the kids to bed, all by yourself. I'll check myself into a spa and do not care anymore. Is this what you really want? If not, then you'd better apologize and keep the negativity to yourself."

Op here. Spouse knows their behavior is horrible. I’m frustrated and decided to not to help. I don’t act like a lunatic when my family visits, I don’t demand everyone start manically cleaning, I don’t suddenky fix a broken door handle, so no. I’m not “Honey...” anything. It’s time for spouse to grow up or tell family to stop visiting. Funny thing is that spouse has yelled and yelled and done nothing. Arrival day is Sunday and I’ve made plans for all day tomorrow. I refuse to enable this self-induced anxiety.

“Honey - I can tell your anxiety ramps up a ton when your family’s due to visit. You’ve been out of sorts and honestly treating me like crap which is unusual for you. What can I do to help? I don’t understand what triggers you but I certainly want to so please tell me what you think are the issues and what we should be doing to manage them. Do they have expectations of us? Should we be changing some behaviors to make them feel more comfortable? I’m totally game to fake or hide anything to smooth things out. Tell me what we can do to make this easier.”

Perhaps ask this spouse what you can do to help.

I get a little like that before either family visits...I have to get things ready and always feel like it's not clean enough/nice enough for company. But dh doesn't seem to give a f if the guest room has clean sheets or if the counter tops are even given a cursory wipe down. So maybe your spouse has decided it's your responsibility to clean up for your family, and it's her responsibility to clean up for hers, and she just takes it to an extreme.

OMG - this is NBD. Talk with your spouse. Way ahead of time.

Larlo, your parents/brother /sister are coming and last time that happened, you were not in a great place (yelled at kids, angry with me). Can we talk about how to handle their visit so that it doesn't happen again? Is there anything I can do to help you manage the stress better?

Then be respectful and kind when they visit.

I'm wondering if this is the daughter-in law who is from another country & had to pay off her husband's college loans because his parents refused to pay (even though they paid for siblings college), she HATES her husbands siblings & parent (one parent is deceased) & is holding a MAJOR grudge?