Anonymous wrote:Are you really a “single parent” if there’s a father in the picture?

Single means not married so once they are divorced, yes she will be a single parent.

Anonymous wrote:Agree with others that if your kids aren't yet in school this is a good time to move to a cheaper neighborhood. For little kids, you really don't need a nice apt or a nice neighborhood, but it is helpful if you and your ex live close to each other.

Do you and your STBX have equity in a home? Are you equal earners or does one of you earn significantly more?

I agree with this that you need to move to cheaper neighborhood AND one very convenient to work. It makes your life a lot simplier and you will need to save all the time you can.

I downsized into a one bedroom apartment so that I could slowly build up a savings account. For me, spending less on rent was really key; but I also moved four blocks from my office (which is where my son's daycare was) and I sold my car, another savings on insurance and gas.

Now it's 7 years later and I bought a two bedroom apartment and also a used late model Honda. So nothing glamorous, but certainly a step in the right direction for my son and me.

I see a lot of moms after the divorce who fight tooth and nail to keep the house. Then they had all these rosy pictures of child support and have no idea how to make ends meet when the reality of the bills start rolling in. I think kids value time, love, attention; they don't need all that space. Much better to move on and downsize.

Anonymous wrote:Are you really a “single parent” if there’s a father in the picture?

We will not be playing this game here today. K thanks.

Anonymous wrote:
We lived as a family of FOUR in a one-bedroom. You can too.

I don't know many landlords who would want to rent a 1 bed to a family of 4. My landlord would but, I survived my divorce by moving to the worst building on the worst block that was still reasonably near my ex. I can afford a 2 bedroom here.

Like PP I found a higher paying job before we split. I also don't love my new job as much as my old one and still had to make financial sacrifices going to a single income household, but I love my new life more overall without the albatross around my neck.

Anonymous wrote:My friends who've done this have gone the 1-bedroom route. The kids get the bedroom to share and the mom sleeps on a sleeper sofa.

Agreed. This is what I saw a couple friends do as well. They remarried within a couple years and of course moved in with their new spouse to a larger home.

Are you really a “single parent” if there’s a father in the picture?

We lived as a family of FOUR in a one-bedroom. You can too.

I rent a basement apartment in a good school district. It's a very nice house with a 2 bedroom basement apartment. It took me some time to find it though. It's probably easier to find a one bedroom basement apartment. I wouldn't worry about school districts now but just something to keep in mind down the line.

I waited until I found a higher-paying job. It meant going from a job I loved to a job I sort-of like, but I got a significant raise, and getting out of my toxic, emotionally abusive marriage was more important to me than loving my job.

In the meantime, I put myself on a really tight budget (dropped house cleaners, stopped going out, grocery shopped at Aldi, stopped buying new clothes, colored my own hair, got Haircuttery cuts for $19, dropped my gym membership), and aggressively saved for a year. I sold a ton of stuff too.

During that year, I went to biweekly therapy, paid for by my EAP and health insurance, which kept me sane.

By the time I filed, I was pretty emotionally separated, I had the means to support myself, a retainer and savings cushion, and had already started processing it emotionally.

It still hurt, but I felt that I was well-positioned.

If you and your kids aren’t in danger, you’re not pregnant with some other man’s baby, or there aren’t other circumstances that mean you need to go NOW, I recommend this tack. Especially if you want to stay in the same neighborhood/school district.

Single mom here, with a year (as of today) of experience under my belt.

Financial implications were what kept me from leaving for years. I was a SAH with no individual savings, and my ex was extraordinarily financially controlling. I took out a $25k limit credit card to establish myself and don't regret it for a second. My sanity and the health of my children is worth more to me than paying interest for a few years.

I live in MD and had a child support order established. His wages are garnished every pay period. It has been seamless.

It IS hard but if you're as miserable in your marriage as I was there is no comparison. Life after that mess is unimaginably better.

Best of luck to you.

Anonymous wrote:Well, it was a little different for me in that exDH and I agreed we needed to split up and he was very open to contributing money towards them being comfortable. So he actually paid the rent on a 3 bedroom apartment while I paid all the other home expenses, while I was working more and more. Then we split the kids activities costs.

So I didn't have the same financial constraints you have. But can you look into shacking up with another single mom? Co-abode is a website geared towards that.

Thanks for the people who mentioned co-abode. I wasn't aware of it!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My friends who've done this have gone the 1-bedroom route. The kids get the bedroom to share and the mom sleeps on a sleeper sofa.

This. Or you all sleep in the same room, the mom uses a closet elsewhere for her stuff to avoid waking them up.

I would be willing to do this too. Kids currently share a room so that's not a big deal. Just a factor of not disturbing sleep and such but yes, understand that everything must be flexible in these circumstances.

Anonymous wrote:Agree with others that if your kids aren't yet in school this is a good time to move to a cheaper neighborhood. For little kids, you really don't need a nice apt or a nice neighborhood, but it is helpful if you and your ex live close to each other.

Do you and your STBX have equity in a home? Are you equal earners or does one of you earn significantly more?

Yes, equity itself about $50k and appreciation may be about $200k more but I'd count conservatively as $150 total when taking off realtor fees to sell (if we were to do so) and what we owe.

The reason for wanting to stick close to where we are is that STBX commutes south and I commute north. Its a good middle ground for reasonable work commutes.

Well, it was a little different for me in that exDH and I agreed we needed to split up and he was very open to contributing money towards them being comfortable. So he actually paid the rent on a 3 bedroom apartment while I paid all the other home expenses, while I was working more and more. Then we split the kids activities costs.

So I didn't have the same financial constraints you have. But can you look into shacking up with another single mom? Co-abode is a website geared towards that.