Anonymous
Post 06/15/2018 09:51     Subject: S/O men, if he cheated before will he cheat after?
OP! How did you find out? That will,play a part in how you appraoch this situation.
Anonymous
Post 06/15/2018 09:49     Subject: S/O men, if he cheated before will he cheat after?
I “cheated” before we were engaged (we were not very serious and he lines were blurred). 7-8 years later and it never happened again. I did it because his commitment was not clear and he wanted to wait, wait and wait... so i am not sure it counts. Woman
Anonymous
Post 06/15/2018 09:46     Subject: S/O men, if he cheated before will he cheat after?
Anonymous wrote:I recently found out my fiance of a year cheated on me a few times before we were engaged with an ex-girlfriend. He doesn't know I know, but do you think he can be faithful now that we are engaged or when we are married?


Were you just dating or had you had a discussion about exclusivity or commitment? Regardless, you need to talk with him about it and address it head on rather than just walk away as so many are proposing.
Anonymous
Post 06/15/2018 09:43     Subject: Re:S/O men, if he cheated before will he cheat after?
I slept with a guy a couple of times while dating my now husband but it was before we had an exclusive discussion. He may have as well but we never discussed it. I don't consider it cheating as at that point we weren't committed. FWIW - we've been happily married for 23 years.
Anonymous
Post 06/15/2018 09:34     Subject: S/O men, if he cheated before will he cheat after?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I cheated on my now-husband while we were dating a couple of times with my ex-boyfriend. Twenty years of marriage and I have never cheated.
- woman

Liar.


I believe her. People grow up


I believe her too and I am a woman. There are a lot of bitter hags on this board.

But I would be careful. I’m not saying he can’t change or be faithful, I would just be more cautious than if this was a situation where you know he’s cheated on others before. Or you started as the other woman. I don’t subscribe to the theory of “if he did it with you he’ll do it to you.” I’ve seen plenty of relationships where the person may have started as an other woman (whether anyone involved was married or just in a relationship) but their relationship turned out to be happy and fine. I do think people on this board like to convince myself that the person who wronged them will also be wronged but it’s simply not always the case.

Just be cautious. It could work.


+1.

Also, IMO, it might be worth discussing it with him and seeing how he reacts.
Anonymous
Post 06/15/2018 09:33     Subject: Re:S/O men, if he cheated before will he cheat after?
Anonymous wrote:My husband is cheating now and I'm talking to attorneys about my options as well as doing individual counseling. Is it realistic to believe that if he promises to end the current affair he won't cheat again? Married 23 years; affair appears to have begun last year.


That's a dramatically different situation than OP's for sure as you have the benefit (or detriment perhaps) of 23 years of marriage so you should know him pretty well.
Anonymous
Post 06/15/2018 09:15     Subject: Re:S/O men, if he cheated before will he cheat after?
My husband is cheating now and I'm talking to attorneys about my options as well as doing individual counseling. Is it realistic to believe that if he promises to end the current affair he won't cheat again? Married 23 years; affair appears to have begun last year.
Anonymous
Post 06/15/2018 09:14     Subject: S/O men, if he cheated before will he cheat after?
Some can, some don't.

I totally believe that people can change. But I don't believe that most people WANT to change.

Anonymous
Post 06/15/2018 08:58     Subject: S/O men, if he cheated before will he cheat after?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you weren’t even engaged how was it cheating?


You don’t have to be engaged to be in a monogamous relationship.
Anonymous
Post 06/15/2018 08:55     Subject: S/O men, if he cheated before will he cheat after?
Anonymous wrote:When people show you who they are, believe them.


+1000
Anonymous
Post 06/15/2018 08:50     Subject: Re:S/O men, if he cheated before will he cheat after?
Once a man goes down the path the dark side, it's VERY hard to say they won't ever stray again - it all depends on how convinced they are they can get away with it
Anonymous
Post 06/15/2018 08:31     Subject: S/O men, if he cheated before will he cheat after?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:If you weren’t even engaged how was it cheating?


You don’t have to be engaged to be in a monogamous relationship.


+1

I wholeheartedly agree.
And if someone cheated on me while in a monogamous + committed relationship, then that would be a huge red flag to not marry them.
Anonymous
Post 06/15/2018 08:27     Subject: Re:S/O men, if he cheated before will he cheat after?
Can he be faithful, of course.

Will he, no.

Cut your losses. It sucks but it sucks worse getting cheated on with kids and you are trapped.
Anonymous
Post 06/15/2018 07:43     Subject: S/O men, if he cheated before will he cheat after?
Anonymous wrote:The only way you know he won’t do it again is if you confront him. I cheated. I was busted. I almost lost it all. Married 10 years and haven’t cheated and don’t think about it. I can’t say that had I not been busted I would still cheat, but
“Getting away with it” will give you ideas

+1
I don't think you can make a determination about this without confronting him with the truth and seeing how he handles the situation. It could all work out or this could be a huge red flag.
Anonymous
Post 06/15/2018 07:42     Subject: S/O men, if he cheated before will he cheat after?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I cheated on my now-husband while we were dating a couple of times with my ex-boyfriend. Twenty years of marriage and I have never cheated.
- woman

Liar.


I believe her. People grow up

I agree. Who still does all of the things they did 20 years ago? People act like once a cheater always a cheater is some sort of universal truth; it's not.