I don't personally mind the people that ask if we plan on having more kids. Yes, it can be a sensitive topic but it seems like it's just one of those questions a lot of people ask without really thinking about the potential implications so I just give it a quick "not sure!" and move on.

What I really mind is the people that try to give me sh*t about it when I say we're not sure (I've learned the hard way to never say "we're not"). Personally, I'd love to have another but DH is a hard No on the subject and the No wins the day. So I get people crawling up MY butt about how mean it is to our child to not have at least one more kid, how I'll regret it, etc. Just running rampant at the mouth when they don't even know why my answer is "not sure". I shouldn't have to lay my personal struggles bare to you to get some compassion or at the very least some indifference from you on a topic that doesn't impact you in any way but has a huge impact on my life!

I will admit I ask this. But I normally ask "Do you think you'll have another kid?" That way they can legit say "I don't know" or "maybe" or "well see". Or they can say "yes we'd love to" or "no we're done!".

It's honestly just a question, not a judgement. I don't really care if you are one and done. If we can talk about it, it's just one more thing to talk about.

I have replied "If only these things could be planned on my schedule".

Or:

"You seem to think I have more control over this than I do".

Or:

"I don't know!"

Anonymous wrote:Why not just be honest about your struggles? It's not something to be ashamed of, and it would probably guarantee they never ask you again.

+1

Anonymous wrote:Been trying for a while- just a vent- can people stop asking when you are going to have another...

You have probably announced to everyone you know that you are trying for #2, this is why they are asking.

Why not just be honest about your struggles? It's not something to be ashamed of, and it would probably guarantee they never ask you again.

Anonymous wrote:I think they are just trying to make small talk. Why are so many of you so angry about it and take it so personally? Seriously it’s just general chit chat. Just give a brief answer and move on.

Do you realize this is the trying to conceive forum so yes this does make us upset. If it’s for chit chat then talk about the weather or sports. Not whether we can have kids. My coworker just asked me this. I’d love to say all those things like why do you ask but instead I just said we’ll see.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They stopped when DC1 turned 4, but before that, I've heard pretty insensitive and hurtful comments implying that I am a bad mother and wife. We finally had DC2 when DC1 was 5.5 and believe it or not people ask us about #3

Nobody has ever asked about number 3

I have six and get asked if we’re having more all the time. I’m an open book though. I don’t really care. (And yes I realize people are judging. Still don’t care. )

"Why do you ask?"

"I don't know that we are."

"We're not."

"I don't know."

"If we do, you'll be the first to know!"

"Who knows: we've been trying!"

"When are you having your second/third/first?"

I have an only and people actually tried to argue with me about that choice. It was maddening, rude, and potentially really hurtful if I were in your situation. Don't hesitate to, kindly, let people know that. FWIW people stopped asking me after 1st grade or so. I'm still of normal childbearing age, but I'm direct and have a 9 yo, so I very rarely get asked unless it's someone I hardly know saying something like "oh you have a daughter! Do you have other kids?"

"We can't, so we won't."

Shuts em up real fast.

Anonymous wrote:I think they are just trying to make small talk. Why are so many of you so angry about it and take it so personally? Seriously it’s just general chit chat. Just give a brief answer and move on.

I'm not angry, more annoyed. It's a really intrusive, loaded question for "chit chat". If I'm trying to make conversation with someone I don't ask, "So, how's your marriage holding up?"

Now that I'm pushing 43 and DS is 6, they have mostly stopped ... I never really minded all that much because I never wanted to have another anyway. But it did make me feel sorry for people who were actually trying and getting the same questions! It does still always make me feel guilty and judged, though.

I tell them the truth: "unfortunately, we can't, we've been trying for years and it's not working."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They stopped when DC1 turned 4, but before that, I've heard pretty insensitive and hurtful comments implying that I am a bad mother and wife. We finally had DC2 when DC1 was 5.5 and believe it or not people ask us about #3

Nobody has ever asked about number 3

PP here. I get "so, are you going to continue having children" a lot. It's not like I am popping them out every year (although I wish I did and could do it).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They stopped when DC1 turned 4, but before that, I've heard pretty insensitive and hurtful comments implying that I am a bad mother and wife. We finally had DC2 when DC1 was 5.5 and believe it or not people ask us about #3

Nobody has ever asked about number 3

They ask me all the time but I have 2 boys. "When are you trying for a girl?" So obnoxious.