Anonymous wrote:My ex wife called it cheating and told the kids it was cheating and told all the family and friends it was cheating and told the judge it was cheating

We were living apart for almost two year with me in a different state and she told me she didn't care what I was doing in the other state. We had not had sex for about 10 months prior to my moving out.

Why do you care what an ex-wife (even while separated) thinks?

It's not cheating if you wear a condom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s cheating while you’re still married

I agree

Hello no.

The marriage is a pure technicality. It is not cheating.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s cheating while you’re still married

I agree

Hello no.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with folks it's in the terms you and spouse had understood. Some people separate because they know they are divorcing. Some people separate because they still hope to work it out. Some people separate to think through their options but would not want their partner to hook up with another person unless they had agreed to see others... etc.

BTW: if you have children and are having a custody battle, cheating is a very bad idea. That is not related to the ethical point above, but to the practical realities about custody.

Agree. If the couple is separated but everyone has the full intent to reconcile (i.e. separated while one spouse pursues therapy, rehab, whatever), then it's cheating. If they're separated and marching towards divorce, I think it can be "messy" to be dating before anyone has actually officially filed for divorce but it isn't necessarily cheating.

+1

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s cheating while you’re still married

It can take years in some states to complete a contested divorce with lots of complications. In Maryland, the FASTEST you can get done with the process in an uncontested divorce is about 13.5 months.

You cannot cohabit even ONE night in the preceding 366 days, or the clock starts all over again.

So separated definitely does not mean "married".

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s cheating while you’re still married

I agree

I think it depends on what the couple has decided. I know a couple (no kids at the time). He was cheating. They separated. Were going to couples counseling (and individual counseling). But he was still dating. He even had a girlfriend for a little bit (not his affair partner, who left him).

While in therapy, he realized how messed up he was. And how whatever partner he was with, he (and his f-ed up past) would always be there. And this was less about his wife and more about him. And that his wife was really perfect for him. So they reconciled. It's been over 20 years since then and they have a kid and are very happy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I agree with folks it's in the terms you and spouse had understood. Some people separate because they know they are divorcing. Some people separate because they still hope to work it out. Some people separate to think through their options but would not want their partner to hook up with another person unless they had agreed to see others... etc.

BTW: if you have children and are having a custody battle, cheating is a very bad idea. That is not related to the ethical point above, but to the practical realities about custody.

Agree. If the couple is separated but everyone has the full intent to reconcile (i.e. separated while one spouse pursues therapy, rehab, whatever), then it's cheating. If they're separated and marching towards divorce, I think it can be "messy" to be dating before anyone has actually officially filed for divorce but it isn't necessarily cheating.

I also agree with this. To me, if my husband and I decided to "take some time apart to think things through" that would most definitely be cheating. Unless we discussed ahead of time that seeing other people was okay and part of exploring what we really wanted. If we decided to get a divorce, which necessarily includes a year+ separation in Virginia if you have kids, then I think it is not cheating.

I don't think so. I have never even seen my ex since we got separated.

My ex and I lived separately in the same house for months. By the time he moved out and we were technically "separated," we never uttered another word about getting back together. The marriage was over and we did not reconcile or discuss it.

That being said, I dated a couple separated men at different times and would not do it again. Separations are different for different couples. And even in one case, where I dated the man for 3 years, and we met a couple weeks before his divorce was finalized...he was never really single. It's too tumultuous a time if you are looking for a relationship. If you are not, then go for it and I do not consider it cheating if there is no hope for the marriage.

But if you are not the person who is separated and are asking if it's OK to date someone -- just beware that you may not be getting the full story and proceed with that in mind.

Of course it isn't.

My ex wife called it cheating and told the kids it was cheating and told all the family and friends it was cheating and told the judge it was cheating

We were living apart for almost two year with me in a different state and she told me she didn't care what I was doing in the other state. We had not had sex for about 10 months prior to my moving out.

Anonymous wrote:Take the time to work on yourself. If your need for sex is that strong, look for someone in a similar situation.

+1 or better yet get a fleshlight or vibe

Take the time to work on yourself. If your need for sex is that strong, look for someone in a similar situation.