He was right. I've yelled at SOs for letting the dog out of the house and 'in the street'.

It was your 1-year-old and don't disappear into the bathroom and cry. Defend your actions.

Anonymous wrote:OP again -- forgot to add he also said "Jesus Fckng Christ our kids are going to die because of you." Took notes on my phone so would remember everything as best as possible.

This is alarming. It means occurrences happen frequently enough or with so much trauma/deflecting that you have to remember.
This was what I used to do when I was in a severely dysfunctional relationship with my ex. Your taking notes also implies that in follow up behavior your husband isn’t accountable or denies his behavior.

Red flag.

Not excusing his language, but he has the right to be upset that you didn't lock the door knowing you have a child who wanders off. It's a really scary situation to have a child elope, that can end up with him being seriously injured, among other things.

Anonymous wrote:Came home with DS2, 2, to be greeted at door by DS1, 4, hitting me out of nowhere. I put DS2 down and went to have talk with DS1 about his behavior. DH was upstairs sitting on couch nursing a headache.

DS 2 is a runner and has been silently sneaking out of the house when we have our backs turned. DH installed higher up lock to prevent this from happening, I forgot to use lock because DS1 started hitting me as soon as I entered house.

Long story short, while I was dealing with DS1 and hitting, DS2 had slipped out door unbeknownst to any of us. He was fine, in front yard but it was obviously scary. DH meanwhile reacts by screaming at me "what the FCK happened? How could you not know he left the house? He could have been killed! You are supposed to lock the door or let me know if you can't watch him. He was almost hit by a car." (Totally untrue no cars on block, he was basically on other side of front door)

"This is UNFcKING acceptable bwvahior. You owe me an apology." Oldwr kid, the hitter, starts yelling at DH not to say bad words or yell at Mama. I disappeared into bathroom to sob without kids seeing me.

How bad is this? I feel shell shocked and don't know how to handle. Do not want my boys growing up in house where this is behavior modeled by father.

This makes me sad. They are learning about relationships and how men should treat women. I had a dad who also didn't treat my mom with respect.

I'm not saying divorce is the answer, but OP--for their sakes--the status quo is not good for your children. Good luck to you.

Your husband yelling at you and your son hitting you. This isnt ok.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you messed up, he pointed it out in spades, and now you look to the internet to find anonymous posters to say he's a jerk. Now start watching the kids better.

+1

And technically he didn't curse at you.

Sounds like you messed up, he pointed it out in spades, and now you look to the internet to find anonymous posters to say he's a jerk. Now start watching the kids better.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow what an ass I'm so sorry this happened to you. DH and I don't have any kids yet but it breaks my heart to imagine him talking to me like that, or to imagine my dad ever speaking to my mom like that when I was younger. I hope he apologizes swiftly. Not okay.

If you don’t have kids you cannot imagine how you would feel or react if someone put your child, whole you likely love more than life itself, at serious risk of harm.

Why are you making excuses for the guy? I have kids. People make mistakes. That’s not how normal people handle it.

And by the way, the kid was not at serious risk of harm, as described by OP.

+1

People don’t install special locks to protect a kid against himself if there is t a serious risk. I am not saying that OPs husband’s behavior was acceptable. What I am saying is that as a parent if you think someone put your child at risk of serious harm, sometimes you say things you never would have otherwise and that you later regret. It’s a situation that you move on from.

Excuses. She said he blows up regularly and curses in arguments every few months. That’s an anger problem not an exception.

Sounds like you’ve done and said some things you’re not proud of. That’s your cross to bear. Don’t give OP bad advice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow what an ass I'm so sorry this happened to you. DH and I don't have any kids yet but it breaks my heart to imagine him talking to me like that, or to imagine my dad ever speaking to my mom like that when I was younger. I hope he apologizes swiftly. Not okay.

If you don’t have kids you cannot imagine how you would feel or react if someone put your child, whole you likely love more than life itself, at serious risk of harm.

Why are you making excuses for the guy? I have kids. People make mistakes. That’s not how normal people handle it.

And by the way, the kid was not at serious risk of harm, as described by OP.

+1

People don’t install special locks to protect a kid against himself if there is t a serious risk. I am not saying that OPs husband’s behavior was acceptable. What I am saying is that as a parent if you think someone put your child at risk of serious harm, sometimes you say things you never would have otherwise and that you later regret. It’s a situation that you move on from.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow what an ass I'm so sorry this happened to you. DH and I don't have any kids yet but it breaks my heart to imagine him talking to me like that, or to imagine my dad ever speaking to my mom like that when I was younger. I hope he apologizes swiftly. Not okay.

If you don’t have kids you cannot imagine how you would feel or react if someone put your child, whole you likely love more than life itself, at serious risk of harm.

Why are you making excuses for the guy? I have kids. People make mistakes. That’s not how normal people handle it.

And by the way, the kid was not at serious risk of harm, as described by OP.

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow what an ass I'm so sorry this happened to you. DH and I don't have any kids yet but it breaks my heart to imagine him talking to me like that, or to imagine my dad ever speaking to my mom like that when I was younger. I hope he apologizes swiftly. Not okay.

If you don’t have kids you cannot imagine how you would feel or react if someone put your child, whole you likely love more than life itself, at serious risk of harm.

duh should consider getting off his ass and helping with the kids. You went to the bathroom to sob? Are you a doormat? I hope not. You need to tell DH that he has to get up and help with the young kids, headache or not. I’d tell him right back that the kids are going to die because of HIM. What an irresponsible petty azzhole.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP again - and I certainly don't apologize or do what he wants me to do when he's in such a mood. I used the "I can't talk to you when you're like this" before, but now making fun of him gets me results earlier. I smile and make fun of his lack of emotional control, and point out that he's having a tantrum like a giant baby - and he stops instantly.

Are you planning on divorcing?

No.

He doesn't swear and raise his voice as often as seems to do OP's husband... BUT he refuses to treat his ADHD and has thus dropped the ball on some pretty major life-altering things, and that's actually more impactful, sadly. If it was just occasional anger, I could handle it fine. With the executive function issues from ADHD, it's hard. He forgets to file important stuff for work and home regularly, has lost jobs, forgotten to sign us up for health insurance, wastes money by accumulating late fees, doesn't lift a finger in the house because he doesn't know how to pick something up and chose a place for it, drives erratically, is habitually tardy to everything, etc. Usually arguments start when I find out that he's messed up once again, and he becomes defensive about it. I have asked to do the work for him, but at this point, I can't take away more stuff.

Reasons for not divorcing are that he would not be a good father and role model to our young children during his custody share because I wouldn't be there to smooth things out (and he would definitely insist on half the time), that we are of one mind financially/investment-wise, in parenting and everything else aside from his occasional fits of crazy, and that I really don't want to start again on my own. He is also brilliant and knowledgeable, and does have a positive influence on the children and I intellectually. We are never bored with him.

Sure but right in front of kids? Not PP, but yikes. That's bad.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow what an ass I'm so sorry this happened to you. DH and I don't have any kids yet but it breaks my heart to imagine him talking to me like that, or to imagine my dad ever speaking to my mom like that when I was younger. I hope he apologizes swiftly. Not okay.

If you don’t have kids you cannot imagine how you would feel or react if someone put your child, whole you likely love more than life itself, at serious risk of harm.

Why are you making excuses for the guy? I have kids. People make mistakes. That’s not how normal people handle it.

And by the way, the kid was not at serious risk of harm, as described by OP.

Anonymous wrote:Wow what an ass I'm so sorry this happened to you. DH and I don't have any kids yet but it breaks my heart to imagine him talking to me like that, or to imagine my dad ever speaking to my mom like that when I was younger. I hope he apologizes swiftly. Not okay.

If you don’t have kids you cannot imagine how you would feel or react if someone put your child, whole you likely love more than life itself, at serious risk of harm.