Anonymous
Post 06/01/2018 15:48     Subject: IS PTSD a real thing when it comes to being around In-Laws?
OP, are you in therapy? Don't self-diagnosis yourself on a forum, all the reactions you have mean you need to get in to see a therapist about, at the very least, anxiety and maybe something more than a professional will be diagnosis.

Your in-laws ARE abusive. There is that. You need to not see them, and you need to get yourself in good enough head space to protect yourself and your children. Therapy will build that spine and give you tools to withstand the fallout of lowering contact with them.
Anonymous
Post 06/01/2018 15:47     Subject: IS PTSD a real thing when it comes to being around In-Laws?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:That would mean that you had some kind of traumatic experience with them. Did they assault you? Gang up to yell and scream at you? Do something that triggered memories of an early assault or other traumatic event? Were you in a car crash with them?

"It's not fun" is not the same as "it's traumatic."



Yes, a lot of arguments and screaming at me or each other. They have never assaulted me. After they scream at me, they apologize and treat it as though nothing has happened.


Dude. Stop visiting your ILs for awhile. No one deserves to be treated like that! Where is your DH in this?


He thinks they are crazy and very angry ppl, too. He is ok with not being iwth them for a while but he is use to it, and doesn't phase him. So he can be around them. He is also ok if I don't go to some social events but others, he is obligated to go and will take the kids. Unless I want to miss out on my kid's Christmas, THanksgiving, I don't have to go. etc.


Nope. BS here. If his family is crazy, and causes you such distress, guess what? They don't get holidays. You can have your own Thanksgivings and Christmases, or see family it's actually healthy to be around, and he can visit them around the holiday.
Anonymous
Post 06/01/2018 15:47     Subject: IS PTSD a real thing when it comes to being around In-Laws?
Why do they get both Christmas and Thanksgiving at their house?
Anonymous
Post 06/01/2018 15:43     Subject: IS PTSD a real thing when it comes to being around In-Laws?
Panic attacks? Unable to breathe? Why on earth do you you go to see them? There isn't a gun to your head.
Anonymous
Post 06/01/2018 15:42     Subject: IS PTSD a real thing when it comes to being around In-Laws?
I'm not sure it's PTSD, but I have the same experience visiting my in-laws as you, OP. And frankly, I'm glad to hear that I'm not alone.

I am 'all consumed' by the visit in the weeks leading up to it, usually increase my drinking habits as a coping mechanism, sobbing into my suitcase, and imagining elaborate schemes where I could break my legs so I didn't have to go.

I have a baby now so I've been using the "it's too hard to travel with an infant" excuse, but that won't last forever. I wish I could get some horse tranquilizers so I could just sleep through these visits and pretend I had the 'flu.'
Anonymous
Post 06/01/2018 15:34     Subject: IS PTSD a real thing when it comes to being around In-Laws?
Anonymous wrote:As a survivor of diagnosed PTSD, you are insulting and clueless. You have literal flashbacks and panic attacks? Suicidal thoughts? Self-harm? Months-long insomnia?

Grow. UP.


Yes. Panic attacks where I can't breathe. Maybe not suicidal but wish I was dead and the Earth swallowed me up or wish I was never born. Yes, flashbacks. Yes, insomnia.
Anonymous
Post 06/01/2018 15:33     Subject: IS PTSD a real thing when it comes to being around In-Laws?
I have the same experience. I get it when the trip is booked and then whenever I think about it and leading up to the trip, I can't stop thinking about it. I am traumatized. I also now have teeth and jaw issues.
Anonymous
Post 06/01/2018 15:30     Subject: IS PTSD a real thing when it comes to being around In-Laws?
As a survivor of diagnosed PTSD, you are insulting and clueless. You have literal flashbacks and panic attacks? Suicidal thoughts? Self-harm? Months-long insomnia?

Grow. UP.
Anonymous
Post 06/01/2018 14:57     Subject: IS PTSD a real thing when it comes to being around In-Laws?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:That would mean that you had some kind of traumatic experience with them. Did they assault you? Gang up to yell and scream at you? Do something that triggered memories of an early assault or other traumatic event? Were you in a car crash with them?

"It's not fun" is not the same as "it's traumatic."



Yes, a lot of arguments and screaming at me or each other. They have never assaulted me. After they scream at me, they apologize and treat it as though nothing has happened.


Dude. Stop visiting your ILs for awhile. No one deserves to be treated like that! Where is your DH in this?


He thinks they are crazy and very angry ppl, too. He is ok with not being iwth them for a while but he is use to it, and doesn't phase him. So he can be around them. He is also ok if I don't go to some social events but others, he is obligated to go and will take the kids. Unless I want to miss out on my kid's Christmas, THanksgiving, I don't have to go. etc.


This is what happens when you're a doormat. Put your foot down and spend holidays on your terms with your children and without the ILs. Husband can visit by himself.
Anonymous
Post 06/01/2018 14:56     Subject: IS PTSD a real thing when it comes to being around In-Laws?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Not every pain and suffering has to be officially labeled. I'm a scientist and love to label things, but PTSD is a little extreme when you consider that the typical patient is a combat vet who has experienced multiple scenarios of violent deaths and re-lives them in peace time.

I'm not trying to minimize your stress, because I believe that it's exactly the type of stress you describe that is harmful in the long-term and in the general population, precisely because it is so prevalent and apt to be minimized. I would say you had an anxiety disorder triggered by certain social situations.

So take steps to protect yourself, whatever you call it! Minimize contact. Never explain, (and try to) never complain.


Um, if I knew I was going to hear people screaming at each other and me every time I went somewhere, I think it would be awfully normal not to want to go. "Certain social situations" is one heck of a euphemism.


PP you responded to. I posted before OP described what was really happening.

OP,

The label is not the point and you are not looking at the problem from the most useful point of view.

Your ILs appear to be abusive. The solution is not to see them (anymore, or as much). Unlike a child that is driven around against their will, you have the right not to go. You have the right not to subject your children to this. You are an adult, and have to navigate the resulting fallout with your husband and his parents as best you can.



Anonymous
Post 06/01/2018 14:55     Subject: IS PTSD a real thing when it comes to being around In-Laws?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:That would mean that you had some kind of traumatic experience with them. Did they assault you? Gang up to yell and scream at you? Do something that triggered memories of an early assault or other traumatic event? Were you in a car crash with them?

"It's not fun" is not the same as "it's traumatic."



Yes, a lot of arguments and screaming at me or each other. They have never assaulted me. After they scream at me, they apologize and treat it as though nothing has happened.


Dude. Stop visiting your ILs for awhile. No one deserves to be treated like that! Where is your DH in this?


He thinks they are crazy and very angry ppl, too. He is ok with not being iwth them for a while but he is use to it, and doesn't phase him. So he can be around them. He is also ok if I don't go to some social events but others, he is obligated to go and will take the kids. Unless I want to miss out on my kid's Christmas, THanksgiving, I don't have to go. etc.
Anonymous
Post 06/01/2018 14:54     Subject: IS PTSD a real thing when it comes to being around In-Laws?
Anonymous wrote:No.

Do not trivialize actual ptsd like this.


+1. You have poorly managed anxiety, not PTSD.
Anonymous
Post 06/01/2018 14:51     Subject: IS PTSD a real thing when it comes to being around In-Laws?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:That would mean that you had some kind of traumatic experience with them. Did they assault you? Gang up to yell and scream at you? Do something that triggered memories of an early assault or other traumatic event? Were you in a car crash with them?

"It's not fun" is not the same as "it's traumatic."



Yes, a lot of arguments and screaming at me or each other. They have never assaulted me. After they scream at me, they apologize and treat it as though nothing has happened.


Still no.

PP said it well.

This sucks or isn't fun is no way equivalent to someone who has experienced trauma like rape or the horror of genocide or war.

OP here, yes you are right, if compared to this, it's not. I'm trying to clarify what I am feeling and give it a name.



What you are feeling is what 90% of people feel with regards to their in laws.

It is the stress of having to adjust and suddenly become family with people you have no extended history with and who you might or might not like or even associate with in any other circumstance. It is also the competitiveness a wife feels, usually with MIL, at trying to cut the husband from his herd so to speak and claim him for your own.

It is normal adjustment and stress.

And unless one or both parties are truly awful people, it usually fades over time and can even grow from stress and anxiety to fondness and (gasp) love



It's been over a decade, I do not feel any competitiveness with her. She's crazy and I have two kids I'm trying to raise. Not sure if this is normal adjustment anxiety. It's getting to the point where I do feel physically sick and upset before having to see them and be around them for even few hours. Afterwards, I still feel sick for a while.
Anonymous
Post 06/01/2018 14:50     Subject: IS PTSD a real thing when it comes to being around In-Laws?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:That would mean that you had some kind of traumatic experience with them. Did they assault you? Gang up to yell and scream at you? Do something that triggered memories of an early assault or other traumatic event? Were you in a car crash with them?

"It's not fun" is not the same as "it's traumatic."



Yes, a lot of arguments and screaming at me or each other. They have never assaulted me. After they scream at me, they apologize and treat it as though nothing has happened.


Still no.

PP said it well.

This sucks or isn't fun is no way equivalent to someone who has experienced trauma like rape or the horror of genocide or war.

OP here, yes you are right, if compared to this, it's not. I'm trying to clarify what I am feeling and give it a name.



What you are feeling is what 90% of people feel with regards to their in laws.

It is the stress of having to adjust and suddenly become family with people you have no extended history with and who you might or might not like or even associate with in any other circumstance. It is also the competitiveness a wife feels, usually with MIL, at trying to cut the husband from his herd so to speak and claim him for your own.

It is normal adjustment and stress.

And unless one or both parties are truly awful people, it usually fades over time and can even grow from stress and anxiety to fondness and (gasp) love


It's been over a decade, I do not feel any competitiveness with her. She's crazy and I have two kids I'm trying to raise. Not sure if this is normaly adjustment anxiety. It's getting to the point where I do feel physically sick and upset before having to see them and be around them for even few hours. Afterwards, I still feel sick for a while.
Anonymous
Post 06/01/2018 14:50     Subject: Re:IS PTSD a real thing when it comes to being around In-Laws?
Although ptsd is thought of as a combat veteran illness, people it after all kinds of events including car accidents (witnessed and experienced), muggings, medical procedures. However, it has very specific diagnostic criteria-not just dread/anxiety. Look the criteria up if you are interested.