Anonymous wrote:

Thank you for this. It is by far the most helpful and more accurate read on the situation. I am not tracking food but realize it’s been eaten when I go to get it. It feels like “sneaking” because other snacks she’ll eat when I am around. I never see her eating the treats unless we’re eating dessert together. I’ve found the wrappers in her room or in other odd places that she’s stashed them. She’s free to get any food any time but I do ask her to just let me know if it might be near meals or if we’re running low or if she wants me to get same or different snacks. She’s told me that she feels unhealthy when eating sweets & assure her that she/our family lives a healthy life so all foods including sweets are fine. She has mood issues with too much sugar & that’s why I want her to ask or let me know. I say yes unless it’s close to meal time.

Anonymous wrote:Does anyone have a child who’s done this or understand what this is? DD continues to sneak sweet treats out of the cupboard even though I’ve told her that all she has to do is ask or let me know she wants a treat. I just don’t want her to steal or sneak the sweets. I have not punished her for this. What is this and what do I do about it?

Anonymous wrote:I think most of this advice is pretty clueless from parents who have kids who self regulate well. I have a child that age with impulse control issues. She will hide sweets in her room or other places and binge eat them. The other day I saw her chugging a bottle of sprinkles that I’d just bought specially for a bake sale obligation for school. We are not a “no sweets” household and in fact eat dessert (often homemade) every day. But there is no such thing as reasonable intake for her, and she will eat an entire box of cookies that was supposed to be desert for the whole family, then lie about it.

I would love real helpful advice. The “just buy a reasonable amount of sweets and let them eat what they want” works for some kids (and works totally for my other children)—- but not the kids with a real sugar addiction or impulse control issues.

Anonymous wrote:
I disagree with all the mean-spirited "why are you making her ask, you're controlling, this is rationing" etc. posters above, OP. Wow. Do you folks all let your kids, yes, even 11-year-olds take what they want, when they want? Do they also do the shopping and decide what's in the pantry? Because if they don't have to go out and replace what they eat up, they should be taught that it's good manners to tell the person who DOES the shopping and food planning what's getting eaten up.

I do the food shopping for our household and if DC and my DH are taking food all the time and never telling me what they're eating or that we're nearly out of something -- I go to get food or ingredients and discover we're out of something I planned on serving or using to cook that day. I don't think you're asking too much at all when you ask your child to tell you if she wants X or Y (or if you expect your husband just to let you know he took the last roll or cookie or whatever; you're not asking them to beg you for it, but to let you know so you aren't caught short when you go to get them the next day).

Her telling you, "I'm going to get a snack" also leaves you the option to give your child information she doesn't have, such as: "We're going out to dinner tonight, earlier than usual, so please hold off on the snack since we'll be at dinner in an hour" or whatever she may not know. And yes, it's FINE to tell a child, you cannot have a snack now because we're having dinner/we're nearly out and that one's going into your lunch tomorrow/whatever. That won't cause an eating disorder or make you some evil, controlling parent, no matter what DCUM tells you.

You also don't want to set up a poor dynamic by always saying no to her. So figure out when it is that she seems likeliest to go get food; is it right after school? Maybe she needs a higher-protein lunch that sticks to her longer through the day, or she needs a high-protein snack on the table when she gets in, like yogurt or cheese and crackers. (Often the craving for sweets is actually a craving for proteins, my doctor and her pediatrician both have told us.) If she's getting sweets 30 minutes before dinner, maybe dinnertime needs to move a little earlier. If she never gets sweets after dinner, maybe its' time try having dessert a few times a week instead of having sweet treats readily available in the pantry. And she can't eat what isn't there; stop buying sweets that sit in the pantry to be taken.

Does she think she has to get sweets without letting you know because you'll always say no? Say yes sometimes--which will be easier if you don't have many sweet things around. And please dont' say to your DD that she "sneaks" food if you've been OK with her getting food for herself; that's a mixed message. If the issue is that you're fine with her eating them, but you want to keep up with what's in the pantry since you are the one who fills it -- explain that to her. Kids this age like being treated like they can understand things like that.

If the issue is that the food she wants is sweets, make them less available: Don't have them in the house as much, or at all, or start having her help you make real desserts a few times a week rather than having pantry treats around. Bonus: Time together.

Anonymous wrote:Why do you ration food?

Are you the Aldo mom from the "how much do you spend on food per month" thread that only spends $200 for a family of 4?

Anonymous wrote:

Thank you for this. It is by far the most helpful and more accurate read on the situation. I am not tracking food but realize it’s been eaten when I go to get it. It feels like “sneaking” because other snacks she’ll eat when I am around. I never see her eating the treats unless we’re eating dessert together. I’ve found the wrappers in her room or in other odd places that she’s stashed them. She’s free to get any food any time but I do ask her to just let me know if it might be near meals or if we’re running low or if she wants me to get same or different snacks. She’s told me that she feels unhealthy when eating sweets & assure her that she/our family lives a healthy life so all foods including sweets are fine. She has mood issues with too much sugar & that’s why I want her to ask or let me know. I say yes unless it’s close to meal time.

Anonymous wrote:
I disagree with all the mean-spirited "why are you making her ask, you're controlling, this is rationing" etc. posters above, OP. Wow. Do you folks all let your kids, yes, even 11-year-olds take what they want, when they want? Do they also do the shopping and decide what's in the pantry? Because if they don't have to go out and replace what they eat up, they should be taught that it's good manners to tell the person who DOES the shopping and food planning what's getting eaten up.

I do the food shopping for our household and if DC and my DH are taking food all the time and never telling me what they're eating or that we're nearly out of something -- I go to get food or ingredients and discover we're out of something I planned on serving or using to cook that day. I don't think you're asking too much at all when you ask your child to tell you if she wants X or Y (or if you expect your husband just to let you know he took the last roll or cookie or whatever; you're not asking them to beg you for it, but to let you know so you aren't caught short when you go to get them the next day).

Her telling you, "I'm going to get a snack" also leaves you the option to give your child information she doesn't have, such as: "We're going out to dinner tonight, earlier than usual, so please hold off on the snack since we'll be at dinner in an hour" or whatever she may not know. And yes, it's FINE to tell a child, you cannot have a snack now because we're having dinner/we're nearly out and that one's going into your lunch tomorrow/whatever. That won't cause an eating disorder or make you some evil, controlling parent, no matter what DCUM tells you.

You also don't want to set up a poor dynamic by always saying no to her. So figure out when it is that she seems likeliest to go get food; is it right after school? Maybe she needs a higher-protein lunch that sticks to her longer through the day, or she needs a high-protein snack on the table when she gets in, like yogurt or cheese and crackers. (Often the craving for sweets is actually a craving for proteins, my doctor and her pediatrician both have told us.) If she's getting sweets 30 minutes before dinner, maybe dinnertime needs to move a little earlier. If she never gets sweets after dinner, maybe its' time try having dessert a few times a week instead of having sweet treats readily available in the pantry. And she can't eat what isn't there; stop buying sweets that sit in the pantry to be taken.

Does she think she has to get sweets without letting you know because you'll always say no? Say yes sometimes--which will be easier if you don't have many sweet things around. And please dont' say to your DD that she "sneaks" food if you've been OK with her getting food for herself; that's a mixed message. If the issue is that you're fine with her eating them, but you want to keep up with what's in the pantry since you are the one who fills it -- explain that to her. Kids this age like being treated like they can understand things like that.

If the issue is that the food she wants is sweets, make them less available: Don't have them in the house as much, or at all, or start having her help you make real desserts a few times a week rather than having pantry treats around. Bonus: Time together.

Anonymous wrote:
I disagree with all the mean-spirited "why are you making her ask, you're controlling, this is rationing" etc. posters above, OP. Wow. Do you folks all let your kids, yes, even 11-year-olds take what they want, when they want? Do they also do the shopping and decide what's in the pantry? Because if they don't have to go out and replace what they eat up, they should be taught that it's good manners to tell the person who DOES the shopping and food planning what's getting eaten up.

I do the food shopping for our household and if DC and my DH are taking food all the time and never telling me what they're eating or that we're nearly out of something -- I go to get food or ingredients and discover we're out of something I planned on serving or using to cook that day. I don't think you're asking too much at all when you ask your child to tell you if she wants X or Y (or if you expect your husband just to let you know he took the last roll or cookie or whatever; you're not asking them to beg you for it, but to let you know so you aren't caught short when you go to get them the next day).

Her telling you, "I'm going to get a snack" also leaves you the option to give your child information she doesn't have, such as: "We're going out to dinner tonight, earlier than usual, so please hold off on the snack since we'll be at dinner in an hour" or whatever she may not know. And yes, it's FINE to tell a child, you cannot have a snack now because we're having dinner/we're nearly out and that one's going into your lunch tomorrow/whatever. That won't cause an eating disorder or make you some evil, controlling parent, no matter what DCUM tells you.

You also don't want to set up a poor dynamic by always saying no to her. So figure out when it is that she seems likeliest to go get food; is it right after school? Maybe she needs a higher-protein lunch that sticks to her longer through the day, or she needs a high-protein snack on the table when she gets in, like yogurt or cheese and crackers. (Often the craving for sweets is actually a craving for proteins, my doctor and her pediatrician both have told us.) If she's getting sweets 30 minutes before dinner, maybe dinnertime needs to move a little earlier. If she never gets sweets after dinner, maybe its' time try having dessert a few times a week instead of having sweet treats readily available in the pantry. And she can't eat what isn't there; stop buying sweets that sit in the pantry to be taken.

Does she think she has to get sweets without letting you know because you'll always say no? Say yes sometimes--which will be easier if you don't have many sweet things around. And please dont' say to your DD that she "sneaks" food if you've been OK with her getting food for herself; that's a mixed message. If the issue is that you're fine with her eating them, but you want to keep up with what's in the pantry since you are the one who fills it -- explain that to her. Kids this age like being treated like they can understand things like that.

If the issue is that the food she wants is sweets, make them less available: Don't have them in the house as much, or at all, or start having her help you make real desserts a few times a week rather than having pantry treats around. Bonus: Time together.