You may meet mean moms at the PTA meetings, too. They will try to silence you and be sarcastic as soon as you point out the wasteful use of funds that are supposed to benefit your kids education, not to fill the school’s staff stomachs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s a dad’s perspective: MYOB generally and, if volunteering, make sure that you’re doing it because you want to give back to the school community, not make new friends or raise your own kids’ profile.

And, if you take offense easily, get involved with the activities where you know people/bodies are definitely needed and where the organizers can’t get the job done if they drive people away or engage in exclusionary behavior.

What's wrong with making new friends? I think both can be achieved by giving time to school activities.
I mean, this is definitely a DAD perspective, I think. Because lots of moms enjoy meeting and getting to know the moms of their kids' friends or classmates. Makes the school feel a lot more like a community.

Sorry you're experiencing a few clique-y moms, OP.

This is the dad. Absolutely great if you make new friends. But I'd get involved with school activities with other goals in mind and a "hope for the best, prepare for the worst" attitude.

From reading DCUM posts, it seems that the "mean ones" can spot someone who arrives in "friend-needy" mode a mile away and crank up the ostracism accordingly.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s a dad’s perspective: MYOB generally and, if volunteering, make sure that you’re doing it because you want to give back to the school community, not make new friends or raise your own kids’ profile.

And, if you take offense easily, get involved with the activities where you know people/bodies are definitely needed and where the organizers can’t get the job done if they drive people away or engage in exclusionary behavior.

What's wrong with making new friends? I think both can be achieved by giving time to school activities.
I mean, this is definitely a DAD perspective, I think. Because lots of moms enjoy meeting and getting to know the moms of their kids' friends or classmates. Makes the school feel a lot more like a community.

Sorry you're experiencing a few clique-y moms, OP.

Nope. Mom here. I don't get a lot of time off from work, so if I'm volunteering it's because I finally have a chance to help the teacher/kids/school, not to make new friends. This isn't to say I'm mean or act like a bitch--I'm friendly and smiling at all the other parents I meet. But I have a ton of friends already, many of whom I don't get to see enough of!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there mean Mom behavior at your school?

I can’t believe how catty and mean some moms are. They are way worse than the kids.

I have boys and lead a drama free life.

You are just lucky. Boys have drama too, ask any school counselor.

Mom of boy and girl. This is true.

And I wouldn’t know about mean moms or dads because I don’t care. I have a job and plenty of friends outside of my kids. I’m friendly when I’m around school parents and most people are pleasant back. I don’t think about it anymore than that. If someone is an ass, next.

Anonymous wrote:OMG drama much?!?! I'm so sure the AWFUL TERRIBLE "Mean Moms" at your school are guarding all the volunteer opportunities for themselves and not "allowing" anyone to help...for....the GLORY of it?!?!

I cut off the rest, but I'll chime in from another father's perspective. We live in a pretty affluent area and yes, you do see the same mothers generally being the room parents each year, doing the volunteer stuff, etc. However, since both my wife and I work, I'm glad someone is able to step up and do these things, I wish I had more time before my kids enter the age range where they don't want me around at all.

The only time I've been a bit annoyed is when my kids have had field trips, because this is an aggressive area with aggressive parents. We'd get notices that a field trip is coming up and there is a need to chaperones. Cool, I'd think, let me check my meeting calendar, talk to my boss, see is I can get a little time off.....not one hour later, the next e-mail comes that the spots are full. And I'll admit, I definitely figured (fairly or not) that it was the stay at homes, the volunteer folks, snapping up all the spots immediately.

I've still been able to go on a few of them, and the teachers do say that parents who aren't chaperones can still meet there. Speaking as someone who has chaperoned a few times, no chaperone is going to turn down having an extra adult to help. I'm sure they wouldn't turn down you pitching in to help volunteer. You're cutting yourself out, not the other way around.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be aware that the parenting playing field evens out a lot more in middle school, because the "mean moms" who had a choke hold over classroom volunteering opportunities and being an constant presence school no longer have that power because parents do not volunteer in the classroom in middle school.

The only volunteer opportunities are the occasional field trip, and MS students DO NOT want their un-cool parents there (how embarrassing).

So, it gets better.

OMG drama much?!?! I'm so sure the AWFUL TERRIBLE "Mean Moms" at your school are guarding all the volunteer opportunities for themselves and not "allowing" anyone to help...for....the GLORY of it?!?! LOLOLOL! Are you serious!?! The same people who make ridiculous statements like this are the exact same moms who roll their eyes at any mom who has the AUDACITY to request that you send in a contribution for teacher appreciation week, a class party, etc. because "who has the time for that??!" Right? Make up your mind, PP--and moms just like you! Do you want us to ask you to help, or not?!?! It's not a secret club, you know! You just sign up and DO it. And in the absence of volunteers, guess what?!?!....the SAME DAMN MOMS end up doing everything that needs to be done! Not out of some bizarre POWER trip (which gains us what, exactly?!? Access to the crotchety teachers who populate the Teacher's Lounge?!?! No thanks!)

Please...take a step back and realize that you have the same access and power to volunteer as every other parent at that school. The "chokehold" is imaginary.

NP. No, it is not imaginary. You see this complaint over and over on this board, so how can you invalidate the very real experiences of many with your own personal data point of one?

It's real. There are moms that only like to volunteer with certain moms in their clique and put down others when they can to have more control, status, and input for their child, but at the same time there aren't a lot of volunteers. Partly because the cliques turn people away but also because people are busy. Learn to ignore.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be aware that the parenting playing field evens out a lot more in middle school, because the "mean moms" who had a choke hold over classroom volunteering opportunities and being an constant presence school no longer have that power because parents do not volunteer in the classroom in middle school.

The only volunteer opportunities are the occasional field trip, and MS students DO NOT want their un-cool parents there (how embarrassing).

So, it gets better.

OMG drama much?!?! I'm so sure the AWFUL TERRIBLE "Mean Moms" at your school are guarding all the volunteer opportunities for themselves and not "allowing" anyone to help...for....the GLORY of it?!?! LOLOLOL! Are you serious!?! The same people who make ridiculous statements like this are the exact same moms who roll their eyes at any mom who has the AUDACITY to request that you send in a contribution for teacher appreciation week, a class party, etc. because "who has the time for that??!" Right? Make up your mind, PP--and moms just like you! Do you want us to ask you to help, or not?!?! It's not a secret club, you know! You just sign up and DO it. And in the absence of volunteers, guess what?!?!....the SAME DAMN MOMS end up doing everything that needs to be done! Not out of some bizarre POWER trip (which gains us what, exactly?!? Access to the crotchety teachers who populate the Teacher's Lounge?!?! No thanks!)

Please...take a step back and realize that you have the same access and power to volunteer as every other parent at that school. The "chokehold" is imaginary.

NP. No, it is not imaginary. You see this complaint over and over on this board, so how can you invalidate the very real experiences of many with your own personal data point of one?

It was a relief when my last was graduating HS to think about, who do I want to keep in touch with? Keep in my life. Some I don't need to!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there mean Mom behavior at your school?

I can’t believe how catty and mean some moms are. They are way worse than the kids.

I have boys and lead a drama free life.

That last line seems like a dig at parents of girls as being, what, more drama-prone than you as a parent of boys? What's the connection, OP? What does the kids' gender have to do with whether you think the parents are "mean"?

No mean parent behavior at our school that I ever saw, but then, parents at our school engaged each other only about school related stuff and didn't get in each others' lives or business otherwise. Maybe engage less, or just avoid those dreaded parents of girls. I guess moms who have both boys and girls are only halfway mean....

Hahaha right?? Once again, you'll notice it's never the moms who have both that are trying desperately to cling to this #boymom identity. Nice try but nope. Sorry you didn't get a daughter, but you're not fooling anyone....and it's pretty hilarious that you're trying to pull the "I don't like drama" card while start a thread attempting to make drama

Anonymous wrote:Is there mean Mom behavior at your school?

I can’t believe how catty and mean some moms are. They are way worse than the kids.

I have boys and lead a drama free life.

You are just lucky. Boys have drama too, ask any school counselor.

Anonymous wrote:Be aware that the parenting playing field evens out a lot more in middle school, because the "mean moms" who had a choke hold over classroom volunteering opportunities and being an constant presence school no longer have that power because parents do not volunteer in the classroom in middle school.

The only volunteer opportunities are the occasional field trip, and MS students DO NOT want their un-cool parents there (how embarrassing).

So, it gets better.

OMG drama much?!?! I'm so sure the AWFUL TERRIBLE "Mean Moms" at your school are guarding all the volunteer opportunities for themselves and not "allowing" anyone to help...for....the GLORY of it?!?! LOLOLOL! Are you serious!?! The same people who make ridiculous statements like this are the exact same moms who roll their eyes at any mom who has the AUDACITY to request that you send in a contribution for teacher appreciation week, a class party, etc. because "who has the time for that??!" Right? Make up your mind, PP--and moms just like you! Do you want us to ask you to help, or not?!?! It's not a secret club, you know! You just sign up and DO it. And in the absence of volunteers, guess what?!?!....the SAME DAMN MOMS end up doing everything that needs to be done! Not out of some bizarre POWER trip (which gains us what, exactly?!? Access to the crotchety teachers who populate the Teacher's Lounge?!?! No thanks!)

Please...take a step back and realize that you have the same access and power to volunteer as every other parent at that school. The "chokehold" is imaginary.

School are like most other aspects of adult life -- if you look for drama, you'll find it. If you're not interested, you won't. If you're encountering lots of "mean mom" drama, maybe it's time to reconsider the kinds of people you choose to surround yourself with.

^^ a constant presence at school ^^

need more coffee...

Be aware that the parenting playing field evens out a lot more in middle school, because the "mean moms" who had a choke hold over classroom volunteering opportunities and being an constant presence school no longer have that power because parents do not volunteer in the classroom in middle school.

The only volunteer opportunities are the occasional field trip, and MS students DO NOT want their un-cool parents there (how embarrassing).

So, it gets better.

Anonymous wrote:Here’s a dad’s perspective: MYOB generally and, if volunteering, make sure that you’re doing it because you want to give back to the school community, not make new friends or raise your own kids’ profile.

And, if you take offense easily, get involved with the activities where you know people/bodies are definitely needed and where the organizers can’t get the job done if they drive people away or engage in exclusionary behavior.

Word!