Anonymous
05/25/2018 09:55
Subject: Weird question with a couple in our friend group blatantly excluding us. How do I handle?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I may be the odd one out, but I personally wouldn't read too much into it. I figure people have different levels of friendship with each other, and if they are closer with another couple, I really don't care if they invite each other over in front of me.
I'd say it's brazenly rude behavior to use the Op's dinner party as an opportunity to invite the other couples in attendance to their own party, selectively excluding Op and her dh. Who does that?
The example OP gave is "come over for the game tonight". That's not an invitation to a party, that's getting some people to watch a game. That's done all the time. I am not doubting OP is excluded from those people parties, but I would not take an offense to "watch the game" invitation. We often make plans during big events for something after it. If an event includes kids, they often try to arrange their sleepovers (not a sleepover with everyone).
Anonymous
05/25/2018 09:11
Subject: Re:Weird question with a couple in our friend group blatantly excluding us. How do I handle?
Anonymous wrote:This kind of thing happens in our neighborhood, and my wife and I hate it. I get along with everyone, so we are invited to most everything. My wife is a little more introverted (I work in BD), and more choosey about who she associates with.
One family had been consistently excluded by another (who happened to throw a lot of parties) repeatedly. My wife and I felt pretty crappy about it, and weren't sure how to handle.
It turns out it was related to the kids. Excluded couple's daughter was being a little terror to the excluding couple's daughter, and the parents refused to address it (even after being repeatedly asked to do so), so were being shunned. I have mixed feelings about this.
If it happened to me, my approach would be to talk with other friends / families about it, knowing that word would get back to the excludors. Then I would host a lot and invite them to a subset of what I hosted.
I agree.
It is probably one of your kids.
We have a very social street with a lot of boys the same age.
We host lots of events, as do several other families.
My husband and I will sometimes get included on grown up only things, but we are very rarely included on parties where the kids are included unless it is something huge like a block party
One of my kids is really high energy and I think that is why we are not invited. He does not get invited to their kids parties either, even though they all get invited (and eagerly come) to his.
Anonymous
05/25/2018 09:04
Subject: Weird question with a couple in our friend group blatantly excluding us. How do I handle?
Has the couple asked you over in the past and you said no? Maybe they think you aren't interested in the activity.
Have your kids and their kids not gotten along? Or your kids are much older or different genders then their kids? It might be because of the kids.
Have your kids and their kids not gotten along? Or your kids are much older or different genders then their kids? It might be because of the kids.
Anonymous
05/25/2018 08:51
Subject: Weird question with a couple in our friend group blatantly excluding us. How do I handle?
Anonymous wrote:I may be the odd one out, but I personally wouldn't read too much into it. I figure people have different levels of friendship with each other, and if they are closer with another couple, I really don't care if they invite each other over in front of me.
I'd say it's brazenly rude behavior to use the Op's dinner party as an opportunity to invite the other couples in attendance to their own party, selectively excluding Op and her dh. Who does that?
Anonymous
05/25/2018 08:47
Subject: Re:Weird question with a couple in our friend group blatantly excluding us. How do I handle?
Anonymous wrote:The parties you don't get invited to are when the swinging happens. Lose some weight and you'll start getting invited.
Or pot smoking (or whatever other poison) that you don't indulge in and they do.
Anonymous
05/25/2018 08:40
Subject: Re:Weird question with a couple in our friend group blatantly excluding us. How do I handle?
The parties you don't get invited to are when the swinging happens. Lose some weight and you'll start getting invited.
Anonymous
05/25/2018 02:03
Subject: Weird question with a couple in our friend group blatantly excluding us. How do I handle?
Anonymous wrote:I may be the odd one out, but I personally wouldn't read too much into it. I figure people have different levels of friendship with each other, and if they are closer with another couple, I really don't care if they invite each other over in front of me.
That's what I assume. I didn't see "all events for all" even in high school. There are people that I see regularly at bigger events that we had over once and never want to have them over again. Perfectly normal people, nothing bad to say, not for me. We don't click.
Anonymous
05/24/2018 20:13
Subject: Weird question with a couple in our friend group blatantly excluding us. How do I handle?
Anonymous wrote:How much time do you guys all have to socialize? Geez. I just consider every social event sui generis, and not part of some pre-defined "group." If you stop acting like you're in high school, you'll stop feeling high school feelings.
+1 (I did have to look up sui generis, since I'm not a lawyer.)
Anonymous
05/24/2018 15:19
Subject: Weird question with a couple in our friend group blatantly excluding us. How do I handle?
I may be the odd one out, but I personally wouldn't read too much into it. I figure people have different levels of friendship with each other, and if they are closer with another couple, I really don't care if they invite each other over in front of me.
Anonymous
05/24/2018 15:10
Subject: Weird question with a couple in our friend group blatantly excluding us. How do I handle?
Anonymous wrote:This happened to me, OP! We even brought new friends into the group and they started inviting our friends to their events, but not us! I couldn't believe it. I was hurt. A bunch of us were hurt.
I just started making deeper connections with the moms who wanted to hang out with us and we had a good time.
That is blatantly rude. No more introducing "friends" to people who are not nice enough to include you.
Anonymous
05/24/2018 15:08
Subject: Weird question with a couple in our friend group blatantly excluding us. How do I handle?
Anonymous wrote:Graciously ignore invitations to other people made in front of you.
Definitely stop including them in your group invites. They've made it clear you arent their type of people and thats fine. Be friends with the couples who are open to it.
No need for the hive mind. Its not highschool.
+1