Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They meant you can hold back and put your kid into an extra year of pre-k... at your own expense. This is common. We did this then returned to the public school system for K at age 6.

As for the OP, this is a tough age and most pre-school teachers can’t recognize subtle delays from real issues. You need to see a developmental pediatrician. They will look at the whole picture and let you know if further testing is warranted.

Of course this is a scary step. But not knowing or missing the opportunity to help your child, in my opinion, is even scarier.

+1 to your first paragraph. There has to be a private or church school that will take OP’s child for a Kindergarten program (yes, it would cost tuition money) and then she could get back into the public schools and repeat K as a public school student. I realize the schools won’t let you do another year of pre-K but if you went private then back to the schools you should be fine, right?

Not likely an option for OP since her husband would make her life 'miserable' if she were to pursue an evaluation. Imagine how 'miserable' it would be for her to suggest holding her DD back a year at 3 years old.

Chill. Doing another year of pre K will probably sound a lot less ominous to him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They meant you can hold back and put your kid into an extra year of pre-k... at your own expense. This is common. We did this then returned to the public school system for K at age 6.

As for the OP, this is a tough age and most pre-school teachers can’t recognize subtle delays from real issues. You need to see a developmental pediatrician. They will look at the whole picture and let you know if further testing is warranted.

Of course this is a scary step. But not knowing or missing the opportunity to help your child, in my opinion, is even scarier.

+1 to your first paragraph. There has to be a private or church school that will take OP’s child for a Kindergarten program (yes, it would cost tuition money) and then she could get back into the public schools and repeat K as a public school student. I realize the schools won’t let you do another year of pre-K but if you went private then back to the schools you should be fine, right?

Not likely an option for OP since her husband would make her life 'miserable' if she were to pursue an evaluation. Imagine how 'miserable' it would be for her to suggest holding her DD back a year at 3 years old.

Anonymous wrote:They meant you can hold back and put your kid into an extra year of pre-k... at your own expense. This is common. We did this then returned to the public school system for K at age 6.

As for the OP, this is a tough age and most pre-school teachers can’t recognize subtle delays from real issues. You need to see a developmental pediatrician. They will look at the whole picture and let you know if further testing is warranted.

Of course this is a scary step. But not knowing or missing the opportunity to help your child, in my opinion, is even scarier.

+1 to your first paragraph. There has to be a private or church school that will take OP’s child for a Kindergarten program (yes, it would cost tuition money) and then she could get back into the public schools and repeat K as a public school student. I realize the schools won’t let you do another year of pre-K but if you went private then back to the schools you should be fine, right?

OP, my kids are older now and have different challenges but most of us can relate to the terrible uncertainty that you are going through. And many--if not most--of us can relate to having one spouse resistant to the idea that anything is wrong. I had my husband, my partner, the person I have always considered my soulmate, ask things like,"at what point are you going to accept your son for who he is?" I had so much self-doubt and it was very lonely, but I was overwhelmed by the feeling that there was something wrong and that my child was suffering and knew that, if there was any way to help, I wanted to start doing it asap.

None of us can tell from your descriptions if anything is wrong--we really can't. I can tell you that my very wise mother, my experienced mother-in-law, all of my son's teachers, my husband, child's nanny, and of course the pediatrician... basically every one in my my son's life at age three insisted that there was "nothing wrong." Unfortunately for everyone, everything gets more pronounced and obvious as children get older.

I am VERY happy that I trusted my gut and sought answers and worked hard to help my son. In the end, my husband supported me and agreed that we should have evaluations if I felt that they were needed, though he still didn't believe that they were. It is a very odd thing to feel vindicated by results of evaluations and diagnoses... but , the thing is, once you know what is going on, you can start working on it in the most appropriate way. That is a great feeling!!!

I am going to add another vote to have an expert -- a developmental pediatrician -- evaluate your child. Let someone take the burden off your back. If you are wrong, if you are being overly critical, you will feel immense relief and gratitude. If your suspicions are right, you can start working on delays with the appropriate people.

They meant you can hold back and put your kid into an extra year of pre-k... at your own expense. This is common. We did this then returned to the public school system for K at age 6.

As for the OP, this is a tough age and most pre-school teachers can’t recognize subtle delays from real issues. You need to see a developmental pediatrician. They will look at the whole picture and let you know if further testing is warranted.

Of course this is a scary step. But not knowing or missing the opportunity to help your child, in my opinion, is even scarier.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say that she will always be the youngest in her grade. This seems like a good reason to hold her back a year and have her mature a little. If there is a diagnosis it will let you set up resources. Don’t set her up for failure in K.

In MoCo you are absolutely allowed to hold her back to do a K waiver year. Most kids with SN do this.

What??? In Montgomery County, MD? Maybe if parents have the means to afford an extra year of private kindergarten and an acceptance to private kindergarten. MoCo schools will not foot the bill for an extra year of kindergarten for "most" SN kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are literally not allowed to do that in NYC piblics. We cannotnyet afford private. I know I sound impossible bit I do feel like we’re in a bind as long as we are here.

You really are just throwing up obstacles. I’m sorry, op, but 3 is hard for this. Teachers will tell you it’s fine and they’re young. If you think something is very off you need to trust your gut and get an eval. Or don’t, but don’t ask and then act like that’s such a crazy difficult idea.

I know. I’m obviously working through this and the lack of IRL consensus feels like a consideration to me but maybe it shouldn’t be. But I have asked and I am not ostritching, and everything I noted in re red-shirting is objective reality. So you and PP, if you’re different people, can each take it down several notches.

NP. It's difficult to advise someone like you because you are throwing up obstacles. I don't know what you need to work through. There is absolutely no hard in having an evaluation done. None. At worst, it will cost you some time and money but, at a minimum, it will buy you some peace of mind.

If your husband will make your life 'miserable' because of it, well, you should think long and hard about how supportive he's going to be of her whether she has SN or not. SMH.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say that she will always be the youngest in her grade. This seems like a good reason to hold her back a year and have her mature a little. If there is a diagnosis it will let you set up resources. Don’t set her up for failure in K.

In MoCo you are absolutely allowed to hold her back to do a K waiver year. Most kids with SN do this.

We are in NYC publics. She completed EI and our agency and ped said she didn’t need services. I’m just trying to explain backstory FWIW.

Hey, no worries, op. Just so you know that EI and child find aren't in the business of diagnosing delays--only letting you know if your child is delayed enough for services. Plus from personal experience many pediatricians are useless at spotting delays.

Please contact your nearest children's hospital and make an appointment for a developmental pediatrician. I'm glad you're looking out for your kid. If you don't, not one will.

It sounds to me like she may have delays. Sometimes it's hard to tell at 3, but if she does, the good news (bad news?) is they become more apparent as the kids get older. It'll become clearer in time. Being behind in a couple areas at 3 suggests there may be something going on.

Your DH may take time. Seeing other kids her age (like at classes) might help him start to notice.

How are her fine and gross motor skills? Have you tried OT?

In my experience with a possibly similar kid, the time from 3.5 to 5 really revealed a lot about how he is the same and different from other kids. I think when you enroll in public school you'll get better feedback from teachers, and see how her differences affect her learning, if at all.

An evaluation sounds like it would be a good idea - what is your DH's issue with that?

I note that you sound very frustrated with her, which is reason to get therapy for yourself.

You do have time. Nothing of what you describe sounds like an emergency. I was happy we started OT at 4 because it set my son up to do better in K and helped his coordination, and therefore his playing and socializing. But I think waiting until 5 would not have been terrible. That said, I am glad we got everything set up before K so he didn't loose part of that year.

One reason I'm glad we started getting services early is that it helped me feel more at ease, and gave me more support and feedback myself. My DH did not obstruct me from getting services and evals, although he was uninvolved. He'd fight me when I tried to discuss my worries, but when it came down to it, I just informed him I was going for the eval and that was that.

Anonymous wrote:Redshirting is prohibited by law in Ny?

Not OP and not in NY but-in my experience also, once they are enrolled in services (like preschool) they go along with their age group-meaning her DD has to start k after preschool.

OP-wow your dd sounds so similar to mine! Also 3.5, not potty trained, language delay (no motor skills issues though). She is making progress in twice weekly speech therapy on an IEP (our discrict offered her a spot in preschool but I declined for now) but it still quite behind in language. I just dont know. I'm reading the thread to get ideas, myself.

My dh is also somewhat resistant to having her looked at. I'm not even sure where to find a developmental ped (probably at USF, I'm in Tampa Bay area). Dh himself was a language impaired child, as was his younger brother-his family seems to think it's normal Anyhow, I think the PP's idea to get on a waitlist with the ped, and just do it and now worry about dh, is good and I might take the advice as well

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You say that she will always be the youngest in her grade. This seems like a good reason to hold her back a year and have her mature a little. If there is a diagnosis it will let you set up resources. Don’t set her up for failure in K.

In MoCo you are absolutely allowed to hold her back to do a K waiver year. Most kids with SN do this.

We are in NYC publics. She completed EI and our agency and ped said she didn’t need services. I’m just trying to explain backstory FWIW.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are literally not allowed to do that in NYC piblics. We cannotnyet afford private. I know I sound impossible bit I do feel like we’re in a bind as long as we are here.

You really are just throwing up obstacles. I’m sorry, op, but 3 is hard for this. Teachers will tell you it’s fine and they’re young. If you think something is very off you need to trust your gut and get an eval. Or don’t, but don’t ask and then act like that’s such a crazy difficult idea.

I know. I’m obviously working through this and the lack of IRL consensus feels like a consideration to me but maybe it shouldn’t be. But I have asked and I am not ostritching, and everything I noted in re red-shirting is objective reality. So you and PP, if you’re different people, can each take it down several notches.

Anonymous wrote:You say that she will always be the youngest in her grade. This seems like a good reason to hold her back a year and have her mature a little. If there is a diagnosis it will let you set up resources. Don’t set her up for failure in K.

In MoCo you are absolutely allowed to hold her back to do a K waiver year. Most kids with SN do this.

If she’s not potty trained at 3.5, then yeah, I think you need a full eval. That’s late and she’s a girl. They train earlier and generally don’t seem like the youngest in their class. By odds, if you mean a general ped, that’s useless. You need a dev ped.