Anonymous
Post 05/17/2018 20:25     Subject: Re:Refusing carpool/not wanting to give another child a ride
Anonymous wrote:OP, I totally understand!

If your child wakes up sick and stays home from school, you have to remember to call the other parent and tell her you aren't doing car pool that day, so the other child knows to skip the afternoon activity and ride the bus home... it's an added headache.

I don't think you suck at all. If I were in the other family's position, I'd be so embarrassed to ask someone to drive my kid without any kind of offer of reciprocation!



This, along with your feeling like the other parent is trying to use you. Unless we're missing some critical info, it would have made more sense for the other parent to ask to carpool with you both splitting the trips. I'm someone who gladly does favors when people need them, but this sounds more like a taker.

Go with your gut and say no guilt-free.
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2018 20:11     Subject: Re:Refusing carpool/not wanting to give another child a ride
Anonymous wrote:Op here, I appreciate everybody's input (even those calling me selfish...) I guess part of my aggravation is that I am self reliant and am rearranging my schedule so that my child can make it. Obviously I'd love it if somebody else could miraculously take care of the transportation problem. If the other parents offered to carpool for real, rather than just asking for a ride, I would be more inclined to agree. Instead I feel like I'm being taken advantage of, and coordination isn't always as straightforward as just telling somebody you can't drive their kid--they have to confirm that they've received the message, or else you've ended up stranding their child.

Thanks again for taking the time to read and offer an opinion.


Your spidey senses are right on this one, OP. There are so many users out there (and on this thread) who want to guilt you into doing something, but they are really just trying to take advantage of you. Stay strong. Don’t turn into a doormat.

I’m with the over-40 poster above - I just don’t care anymore. People are not going to guilt me into something that doesn’t work for me and my family. We have plenty of mutual relationships. This doesn’t sound like one of them.
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2018 20:03     Subject: Refusing carpool/not wanting to give another child a ride
Anonymous wrote:

OP, are you by any chance under 40? I ask because by the time I was 40 a beautiful thing happened. I stopped caring what others thought about me and I focused on what keeps me sane and pleasant for my own family. I think before 40 I might have posted something like this...maybe early 30s. Now, all i can think is...who cares? Do what works for you. If this is a mom going through chemo, sure I'd go the extra mile, but for someone I am not that close with who is healthy-only if it doesn't add any stress. Just say "no." No big deal. It's OK if a few ladies on DCUM think you are a shrew. That speaks to them and their issues, not you.


Thank you. For some reason it feels like a big ask, though I can't put my finger on why. It's a year long commitment. I may just go with my gut on this one.
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2018 20:00     Subject: Refusing carpool/not wanting to give another child a ride
If they wanted to carpooling they do one day and you do one day and you trust them, sure but you fully take their child and them not even offer gas money, NO. I rarely will agree to something like that.
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2018 19:58     Subject: Re:Refusing carpool/not wanting to give another child a ride
OP, I totally understand!

If your child wakes up sick and stays home from school, you have to remember to call the other parent and tell her you aren't doing car pool that day, so the other child knows to skip the afternoon activity and ride the bus home... it's an added headache.

I don't think you suck at all. If I were in the other family's position, I'd be so embarrassed to ask someone to drive my kid without any kind of offer of reciprocation!

Anonymous
Post 05/17/2018 19:54     Subject: Refusing carpool/not wanting to give another child a ride
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Am I terrible?


"Terrible" is too strong. I'd go with "not great."


You pretty much suck, OP.
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2018 19:51     Subject: Re:Refusing carpool/not wanting to give another child a ride
Op here, I appreciate everybody's input (even those calling me selfish...) I guess part of my aggravation is that I am self reliant and am rearranging my schedule so that my child can make it. Obviously I'd love it if somebody else could miraculously take care of the transportation problem. If the other parents offered to carpool for real, rather than just asking for a ride, I would be more inclined to agree. Instead I feel like I'm being taken advantage of, and coordination isn't always as straightforward as just telling somebody you can't drive their kid--they have to confirm that they've received the message, or else you've ended up stranding their child.

Thanks again for taking the time to read and offer an opinion.
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2018 19:24     Subject: Refusing carpool/not wanting to give another child a ride
Anonymous wrote:Personally I try to create the community I want my kid to be a part of which is one where people beyond immediate family help each other out. Can you do it on days it’s easy and warn her she’ll need to figure to another plan on days it doesn’t work for you?


+ 1 I'd say yes and there are also times when I won't be able to drive, and then you'll need to figure something else out.
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2018 19:22     Subject: Refusing carpool/not wanting to give another child a ride

I never feel bad wiggling out of car pools.


Anonymous
Post 05/17/2018 19:14     Subject: Refusing carpool/not wanting to give another child a ride
Anonymous wrote:Am I terrible?


"Terrible" is too strong. I'd go with "not great."
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2018 19:10     Subject: Refusing carpool/not wanting to give another child a ride
Personally I try to create the community I want my kid to be a part of which is one where people beyond immediate family help each other out. Can you do it on days it’s easy and warn her she’ll need to figure to another plan on days it doesn’t work for you?
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2018 19:07     Subject: Refusing carpool/not wanting to give another child a ride


OP, are you by any chance under 40? I ask because by the time I was 40 a beautiful thing happened. I stopped caring what others thought about me and I focused on what keeps me sane and pleasant for my own family. I think before 40 I might have posted something like this...maybe early 30s. Now, all i can think is...who cares? Do what works for you. If this is a mom going through chemo, sure I'd go the extra mile, but for someone I am not that close with who is healthy-only if it doesn't add any stress. Just say "no." No big deal. It's OK if a few ladies on DCUM think you are a shrew. That speaks to them and their issues, not you.
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2018 18:58     Subject: Refusing carpool/not wanting to give another child a ride
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Did they offer to split the driving with you?


No


Well, that seems pretty ballsy to me. Why would they ask you do to that instead of offering to share rides?
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2018 18:56     Subject: Re:Refusing carpool/not wanting to give another child a ride
Anonymous wrote:Since you asked...I dont know why you couldnt just be helpful and do this. At some point you are going to need the help of others. What goes around comes around and its always good to build up some good will in the kid logistics department.


Yes, this. If you need a "reason" then this would be it, OP, for your own self-interest. Jeez, I really hope you need help sometime, OP, and the person you ask says "no" just because they don't feel like being nice.
Anonymous
Post 05/17/2018 18:31     Subject: Refusing carpool/not wanting to give another child a ride
Anonymous wrote:Did they offer to split the driving with you?


No