Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many men who have active sex lives with their spouses do cheat and it is highly unlikely they would tell another woman how active they are. Using having a sexless marriage as an excuse to cheat is a proven winner to get some sympathy. Saying you have sex three times a week isn't going to elicit a lot of sympathy.

I hear this "argument" a lot, for example this author was roundly criticized because surely her partners must be lying about their sexless marriages... just to get into her pants.
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/06/style/modern-love-sleeping-with-married-men-infidelity.html

The whole premise behind this "argument" is that women offer sex out of sympathy to a man who is not getting any. Really? Does anybody believe that nonsese? Imagine if this were true.... wait until the RedPill brigade finds out! You can score just by not scoring!

I don't think that it's out of sympathy but it lets them rationalize something that they're inclined to do. We see this all the time in APs or other women talking about how their married partner is just staying together for the kids or the marriage is over, etc. So if they want to have an affair with a particular married guy they believe his crap about how his wife is terrible or they don't have sex, etc.

But it makes zero (no... negative!) sense for a man to ever tell this to a potential AP. Whether it's true or not is immaterial. If this is his internal rationalization, so be it. But.... why SAY it?There is NOTHING attractive about a man who says he never gets sex even with his wife. So why would a man EVER say that? Does.Not.Compute.

Anonymous wrote:I dated a guy who told me that he had been in a sexless marriage. I eventually had sex with him and I quickly realized why his marriage was sexless. He had a decent package but his foreplay was almost non existent and he only lasted a couple of minutes. I had no desire to be his tutor nor did I bother saying I now know why you were in a sexless marriage. I'm sure there are many women who are just as bad but they may not know it. Can two people who are really bad at sex actually enjoy it?

Can two people who are really bad at tennis enjoy playing together? Sure! But an A player will not enjoy playing with a C player though the C player might think it was a great experience!

I think men who are in sexless marriages, that occur outside of having a menopausal wife, are too afraid to divorce their spouses. They are afraid of the stigma associated with being divorced, have self-esteem issues when it comes to dating, and the financial consequences of divorce. People are content with misery.

As far as the financial consequences are concerned, there are so many successful single women in DC, that it would be easy to pair with someone making just as much or more than you were in the marriage.

As my mom says, there are many marriages that would not survive without the help of a mistress.

I dated a guy who told me that he had been in a sexless marriage. I eventually had sex with him and I quickly realized why his marriage was sexless. He had a decent package but his foreplay was almost non existent and he only lasted a couple of minutes. I had no desire to be his tutor nor did I bother saying I now know why you were in a sexless marriage. I'm sure there are many women who are just as bad but they may not know it. Can two people who are really bad at sex actually enjoy it?

Anonymous wrote:I think ... safe sex! If we are both disease free, we'll stay that way, since he isn't doing his wife.

Well there is some flawed logic.

I think ... safe sex! If we are both disease free, we'll stay that way, since he isn't doing his wife.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: Yes, I know he's probably lying, but assume he is telling the truth.

Your premise that he is admitting his wife is not attracted to him is wrong. His wife is likely post-menopause. She may be attracted to him, devoted to him, love him dearly, but the hormones are not in a place right now that make sex useful, enjoyable (read: actually physically painful), or desirable. You'll probably understand some day.

Sorry to hear about your problems PP. My mom swears by coconut oil.

There are plenty of ways to enjoy sex post menopause that are not painful. For me PIV, even with lube, can be painful but my DH and I still have a very active and enjoyable sex life. He seems quite happy as I get no complaints.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: Yes, I know he's probably lying, but assume he is telling the truth.

Your premise that he is admitting his wife is not attracted to him is wrong. His wife is likely post-menopause. She may be attracted to him, devoted to him, love him dearly, but the hormones are not in a place right now that make sex useful, enjoyable (read: actually physically painful), or desirable. You'll probably understand some day.

Sorry to hear about your problems PP. My mom swears by coconut oil.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many men who have active sex lives with their spouses do cheat and it is highly unlikely they would tell another woman how active they are. Using having a sexless marriage as an excuse to cheat is a proven winner to get some sympathy. Saying you have sex three times a week isn't going to elicit a lot of sympathy.

I hear this "argument" a lot, for example this author was roundly criticized because surely her partners must be lying about their sexless marriages... just to get into her pants.
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/06/style/modern-love-sleeping-with-married-men-infidelity.html

The whole premise behind this "argument" is that women offer sex out of sympathy to a man who is not getting any. Really? Does anybody believe that nonsese? Imagine if this were true.... wait until the RedPill brigade finds out! You can score just by not scoring!

I don't think women offer sex out of sympathy, it's just an excuse that men use to explain why they are unhappy in their marriage without putting any blame on themselves. Flip it around - if a woman said to a man that she was in a sexless marriage do you think he might be willing to provide sympathy sex?

My now DH was in a sexless for the last few years of his previous marriage. It really gave me pause because I was afraid that it could happen again. I am high drive, all signs were that he was, so I found it really, really hard to understand how that could happen/he stayed in that situation. That said, his ex was in the throes of years of mental illness, including a disassociated state.

We've been together 10 years and go at it all the time.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many men who have active sex lives with their spouses do cheat and it is highly unlikely they would tell another woman how active they are. Using having a sexless marriage as an excuse to cheat is a proven winner to get some sympathy. Saying you have sex three times a week isn't going to elicit a lot of sympathy.

I hear this "argument" a lot, for example this author was roundly criticized because surely her partners must be lying about their sexless marriages... just to get into her pants.
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/06/style/modern-love-sleeping-with-married-men-infidelity.html

The whole premise behind this "argument" is that women offer sex out of sympathy to a man who is not getting any. Really? Does anybody believe that nonsese? Imagine if this were true.... wait until the RedPill brigade finds out! You can score just by not scoring!

I don't think that it's out of sympathy but it lets them rationalize something that they're inclined to do. We see this all the time in APs or other women talking about how their married partner is just staying together for the kids or the marriage is over, etc. So if they want to have an affair with a particular married guy they believe his crap about how his wife is terrible or they don't have sex, etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many men who have active sex lives with their spouses do cheat and it is highly unlikely they would tell another woman how active they are. Using having a sexless marriage as an excuse to cheat is a proven winner to get some sympathy. Saying you have sex three times a week isn't going to elicit a lot of sympathy.

I hear this "argument" a lot, for example this author was roundly criticized because surely her partners must be lying about their sexless marriages... just to get into her pants.
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/06/style/modern-love-sleeping-with-married-men-infidelity.html

The whole premise behind this "argument" is that women offer sex out of sympathy to a man who is not getting any. Really? Does anybody believe that nonsese? Imagine if this were true.... wait until the RedPill brigade finds out! You can score just by not scoring!

I think the RedPill types say you can cure your sexless marriage by sleeping with other women (or at least, threatening to).

You can. The dude is getting sex (with other women). Problem solved.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many men who have active sex lives with their spouses do cheat and it is highly unlikely they would tell another woman how active they are. Using having a sexless marriage as an excuse to cheat is a proven winner to get some sympathy. Saying you have sex three times a week isn't going to elicit a lot of sympathy.

I hear this "argument" a lot, for example this author was roundly criticized because surely her partners must be lying about their sexless marriages... just to get into her pants.
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/06/style/modern-love-sleeping-with-married-men-infidelity.html

The whole premise behind this "argument" is that women offer sex out of sympathy to a man who is not getting any. Really? Does anybody believe that nonsese? Imagine if this were true.... wait until the RedPill brigade finds out! You can score just by not scoring!

I think the RedPill types say you can cure your sexless marriage by sleeping with other women (or at least, threatening to).

Anonymous wrote:Many men who have active sex lives with their spouses do cheat and it is highly unlikely they would tell another woman how active they are. Using having a sexless marriage as an excuse to cheat is a proven winner to get some sympathy. Saying you have sex three times a week isn't going to elicit a lot of sympathy.

I hear this "argument" a lot, for example this author was roundly criticized because surely her partners must be lying about their sexless marriages... just to get into her pants.
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/06/style/modern-love-sleeping-with-married-men-infidelity.html

The whole premise behind this "argument" is that women offer sex out of sympathy to a man who is not getting any. Really? Does anybody believe that nonsese? Imagine if this were true.... wait until the RedPill brigade finds out! You can score just by not scoring!

Anonymous wrote:OP: Yes, I know he's probably lying, but assume he is telling the truth.

Your premise that he is admitting his wife is not attracted to him is wrong. His wife is likely post-menopause. She may be attracted to him, devoted to him, love him dearly, but the hormones are not in a place right now that make sex useful, enjoyable (read: actually physically painful), or desirable. You'll probably understand some day.