Anonymous wrote:I am very good looking and make a lot of money. Men are intimidated by my looks.

If you look expensive, you look high maintenance.

Anonymous wrote:I am very good looking and make a lot of money. Men are intimidated by my looks.

I don't think they are intimidated by your looks. They are put off by your ego and vanity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I feel my looks have something to do with it, although I’m a cute woman, pretty hair & eyes. I’m chubby and always have been. Saying that, i e dated some very good looking men but it never works out and I typically blame part of that to my chubbies. I’m not very athletic and I think that’s to blame some as well. Then there’s a part of me that thinks I give off the wrong vibes because most of the time the dating turns into a sex thing, FWB. I have a very outgoing personality and can be very flirtatious and I’ve been told I’m sexy. But I think that vibe destroys the actual relationship and makes it about sex? And then I think the only reason why the guy is interested in the chubby girl is for sex. I’m a hot mess!

It’s not because you have sex. Maybe you just flirt with everyone and never really focus on one. If that is the case, people will think you are not interested in a relationship.

I don't flirt when I am with someone - i focus on them. I think I give a vibe that makes men see me as just a FWB.

I can say your descriptions right here about yourself do sound sexy. Maybe work hard to make your next boyfriend feel like you are a true life "partner" - not saying you didn't in past, but my favorite girlfriends were the ones who made me feel like they had my back - and also the ones who strategically totally stroked my ego when I needed it. You've already got the sex thing down, I think you can get into a great relationship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I feel my looks have something to do with it, although I’m a cute woman, pretty hair & eyes. I’m chubby and always have been. Saying that, i e dated some very good looking men but it never works out and I typically blame part of that to my chubbies. I’m not very athletic and I think that’s to blame some as well. Then there’s a part of me that thinks I give off the wrong vibes because most of the time the dating turns into a sex thing, FWB. I have a very outgoing personality and can be very flirtatious and I’ve been told I’m sexy. But I think that vibe destroys the actual relationship and makes it about sex? And then I think the only reason why the guy is interested in the chubby girl is for sex. I’m a hot mess!

It’s not because you have sex. Maybe you just flirt with everyone and never really focus on one. If that is the case, people will think you are not interested in a relationship.

I don't flirt when I am with someone - i focus on them. I think I give a vibe that makes men see me as just a FWB.

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes I feel my looks have something to do with it, although I’m a cute woman, pretty hair & eyes. I’m chubby and always have been. Saying that, i e dated some very good looking men but it never works out and I typically blame part of that to my chubbies. I’m not very athletic and I think that’s to blame some as well. Then there’s a part of me that thinks I give off the wrong vibes because most of the time the dating turns into a sex thing, FWB. I have a very outgoing personality and can be very flirtatious and I’ve been told I’m sexy. But I think that vibe destroys the actual relationship and makes it about sex? And then I think the only reason why the guy is interested in the chubby girl is for sex. I’m a hot mess!

It’s not because you have sex. Maybe you just flirt with everyone and never really focus on one. If that is the case, people will think you are not interested in a relationship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am very good looking and make a lot of money. Men are intimidated by my looks.

No, probably not, although you are gorgeous. You give off the "stop sign" vibrations. Why go up against that?

It’s not your looks or money. You either openly or subtly give off a vibe that doesn’t draw people to you. So you’re basically beautiful but not “attractive.”

You can change this by being self deprecating and funny. Acting interested in people.

The "vibe" I always gave off was "deformed body" vibe. No men rushing to my disabled side no matter how self-deprecating and funny I am.

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:I’m an unattractive woman. I found dating very miserable. I had to resort to online dating because no guy in real life ever hit on me.

What makes you say you are unattractive? What is unattractive about you?

Short, long nose small eyes.

I do have nice hair and a body though.

Where’s the brown bag when you need them .... right?

Shut up. Those are easily fixable, OP.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m an unattractive woman. I found dating very miserable. I had to resort to online dating because no guy in real life ever hit on me.

What makes you say you are unattractive? What is unattractive about you?

Short, long nose small eyes.

I do have nice hair and a body though.

Where’s the brown bag when you need them .... right?

Sometimes I feel my looks have something to do with it, although I’m a cute woman, pretty hair & eyes. I’m chubby and always have been. Saying that, i e dated some very good looking men but it never works out and I typically blame part of that to my chubbies. I’m not very athletic and I think that’s to blame some as well. Then there’s a part of me that thinks I give off the wrong vibes because most of the time the dating turns into a sex thing, FWB. I have a very outgoing personality and can be very flirtatious and I’ve been told I’m sexy. But I think that vibe destroys the actual relationship and makes it about sex? And then I think the only reason why the guy is interested in the chubby girl is for sex. I’m a hot mess!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am very good looking and make a lot of money. Men are intimidated by my looks.

No, probably not, although you are gorgeous. You give off the "stop sign" vibrations. Why go up against that?

It’s not your looks or money. You either openly or subtly give off a vibe that doesn’t draw people to you. So you’re basically beautiful but not “attractive.”

You can change this by being self deprecating and funny. Acting interested in people.

Anonymous wrote:I’m an unattractive woman. I found dating very miserable. I had to resort to online dating because no guy in real life ever hit on me.

Similar experience- DH was the first person interested in me. We met when I was 27 and married when I was 30. I had had 3 dates prior to that- all arranged. Online dating was not around yet.

Anonymous wrote:I am very good looking and make a lot of money. Men are intimidated by my looks.

No, probably not, although you are gorgeous. You give off the "stop sign" vibrations. Why go up against that?

I am very good looking and make a lot of money. Men are intimidated by my looks.

Anonymous wrote:The older I get, the more I look back at photos of myself objectively. I see now that I was cute, pretty, attractive, whatever. Or, I see the women my ex-boyfriends from college and early twenties/thirties era married, and by most objective standards, we are very similar in the looks department.

Religious conservatism, not willing to relocate without a wedding when the finances/timing were not right, not willing to move in with someone, expecting a traditional courtship, focusing on graduate school, and career; helping with a terminally ill parent, these are all more likely reasons why logistically my relationships didn't work out.

I read so many romance novels, and I really thought at the time that if I was stunningly beautiful, my life would have worked out with the right man.

I hope most of you consider other areas of your life that need improvement besides your looks when it comes to relationships.

Don't be so hard on yourselves.

Is this you or the people you have dated? All of this part is a big red flag to me of a category of person that tends to date and marry very young, with little life experience, and probably with heavy input from family and religious leaders. Either way, I assume if you're looking for this and over, hmmm 23 you're basically screwed. Probably has little to do with how attractive you are, as others have pointed out, and more with this mindset. There's a certain timeframe for this where you basically cross your fingers and hope it works out, but after a certain age? Going to be tough, no matter what you look like. People with these requirements aren't on the singles scene at 34, they have multiple kids and are in the middle school pickup line.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The older I get, the more I look back at photos of myself objectively. I see now that I was cute, pretty, attractive, whatever. Or, I see the women my ex-boyfriends from college and early twenties/thirties era married, and by most objective standards, we are very similar in the looks department.

Religious conservatism, not willing to relocate without a wedding when the finances/timing were not right, not willing to move in with someone, expecting a traditional courtship, focusing on graduate school, and career; helping with a terminally ill parent, these are all more likely reasons why logistically my relationships didn't work out.

I read so many romance novels, and I really thought at the time that if I was stunningly beautiful, my life would have worked out with the right man.

I hope most of you consider other areas of your life that need improvement besides your looks when it comes to relationships.

Don't be so hard on yourselves.

This is probably why. I found dating religious men (I'm a woman) extremely frustrating.

NP. What did you find frustrating about dating religious men? Too rigid? Wouldn’t have sex?

I found that they waffle quite a bit. First it’s no sex, but then they give in after years of repression and are actually quite fun (I assume from it being bottled up for so long), then they flip to “what did you make me do, devil woman!”, but then they want more sex, then they feel guilty again, etc etc etc. Same with dating a “non-believer”, they flip flop back and forth on whether it’s okay or not. Too much drama.

It’s also the expectation of having to jump through dozens of hoops to prove my worthiness and cater to their lifestyle. I have a feeling this is what OP’s exes felt- like there was a huge expectation of a traditional courtship, wedding, etc but their own needs were never taken into consideration. It’s very frustrating when someone has a huge checklist for you, but they refuse to meet your own needs and wants.

I’ve found a lot of religious people also try to “save” their non-religious partners and that’s very annoying.