As a wife who did have an affair, I would say NO. Do not do it. I regret my choice with every fiber of my being. It was wrong, selfish, hurtful, and created even more of a mess in my marriage than there was before I did it (and ours included very little sex too). I lost all integrity and self-respect for myself. Yours is a difficult situation, no doubt about it, but there are healthier choices to make on how to deal with it than banging another married guy.

However, I get the feeling you've made up your mind already, and if that's the case then nothing I say will deter you. But the time after my affair was truly my rock bottom and the worst time in my life. Please don't do that to yourself and your family.

Good luck.

I would do it. witholding sex is a type of abuse/abandonment IMHO

Anonymous wrote:I'd try to find a single man. You don't know what your potential AP's wife is capable of doing if she found out.

If you are married and want to stay married, your best option is an AP who is also married not a single man.

go for it. ( male) Enjoy to the max. Just be careful. Sexless marriage is the worst as it affects everything: confidence, self esteem, energy, personal care, emotional outlook and presenttation(s), work enjoyment, etc, etc , etc. Yes GO FOR IT.

Just get out of the marriage, OP. Everyone’s disappointment of a separation will be minuscule to their disappointment in your infidelity. It’s a little disgusting of your “concern” for your family but willingness to destroy another’s without care. That will be the real loss of diginity once you everyone finds out.


Having an affair under these circumstances is a great way to to delete all the hard work and time you’ve spent in growing your family over the last 12 years

But hey, you kind of sound so self-involved that this is probably just a reflection of your trie colors, and they’re gonna show sometime, eh? Might as well now before your children are anymore disappointed in yuy

Please don't do it, OP. I am not coming from a place of judgment AT ALL. But I know that you will come to regret it, and you can't unscramble that egg. It is not worth it. Really try hard with your husband, and invest in an electronic friend in the mean time. Please...you knew what is right...that is why you canceled. Remove yourself from the temptation and cut off ALL contact. It will be hard, but you know if you keep channels open you will inevitably fall victim to temptation. You will regret it forever.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are evil and an idiot

No, she's normal and horny.

Sounds like he is a porn addict. I am willing to bet his lack of desire for you stems from that.

I bet he looks at porn and gets himself off way more than you realize. I am not buying that he is low drive.

Do you want your husband again? Or is your desire for him gone?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you present these options to DH: resume adequate intimate life together, open marriage, divorce.

An affair will likely lead to divorce anyway, better to do it thought fully so you don't mess up a lot of kids. Or maybe you can make don't ask, don't tell work. But DH cannot hold all the cards here. Marriage counseling to mediate this might help.

Is he possibly gay? What reasons has he given you for lack of intimacy

OP here. You are right, I will present these options, and be firm.

His reasons have been that he is overweight. But, he is physically active in life, and I know he looks at porn, so... I think he is capable. His other reason in the beginning was that nobody continues having a sex life as they get older... this was when I was still in my 30's. When I talked to girlfriends, they all seem to complain that their husbands always want sex. I never admit my situation, but after I brought that up to my DH, he stopped using that line. As for gay... it's possible I guess, but when I have caught him looking at porn (by accident) (I am totally fine with porn), he has been looking at pics of women.

I think if you told him how close you are to having an affair he would either shape up or ship out.

I know you don’t care that your potential AP is married but that seems like a very potentially messy situation. Like look what just happened in PA...no thanks.

OP, you are evil and an idiot

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you present these options to DH: resume adequate intimate life together, open marriage, divorce.

An affair will likely lead to divorce anyway, better to do it thought fully so you don't mess up a lot of kids. Or maybe you can make don't ask, don't tell work. But DH cannot hold all the cards here. Marriage counseling to mediate this might help.

Is he possibly gay? What reasons has he given you for lack of intimacy

OP here. You are right, I will present these options, and be firm.

His reasons have been that he is overweight. But, he is physically active in life, and I know he looks at porn, so... I think he is capable. His other reason in the beginning was that nobody continues having a sex life as they get older... this was when I was still in my 30's. When I talked to girlfriends, they all seem to complain that their husbands always want sex. I never admit my situation, but after I brought that up to my DH, he stopped using that line. As for gay... it's possible I guess, but when I have caught him looking at porn (by accident) (I am totally fine with porn), he has been looking at pics of women.

Unfortunately you are a rare breed: 40+ woman with an active sex drive. And you are paired with an equally rare breed: male with low sex drive.
Your girlfriends who complain about husband wanting sex is by far the norm.
The good news is you have an infinite supply of potential affair partners. Basically, every single married man you know: take your pick, say "hi", and have fun.

I'd try to find a single man. You don't know what your potential AP's wife is capable of doing if she found out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't believe that the other guy is in a sexless marriage. I'm cynical enough to think that he told you that to get you into bed. And no. You shouldn't have an affair. Act with honor.

OP here. I don't care if he's not in a sexless marriage actually. I just want someone's hands on me! And he is hot. I have discussed open marriage with my DH, and he is against it.

If he's not interested in sex with his wife, your DH forfeits all right to vote on the Open marriage topic. Inform him of your intentions, and your DH can take whatever actions he feels is necessary.

Anonymous wrote:I think you present these options to DH: resume adequate intimate life together, open marriage, divorce.

An affair will likely lead to divorce anyway, better to do it thought fully so you don't mess up a lot of kids. Or maybe you can make don't ask, don't tell work. But DH cannot hold all the cards here. Marriage counseling to mediate this might help.

Is he possibly gay? What reasons has he given you for lack of intimacy

OP here. You are right, I will present these options, and be firm.

His reasons have been that he is overweight. But, he is physically active in life, and I know he looks at porn, so... I think he is capable. His other reason in the beginning was that nobody continues having a sex life as they get older... this was when I was still in my 30's. When I talked to girlfriends, they all seem to complain that their husbands always want sex. I never admit my situation, but after I brought that up to my DH, he stopped using that line. As for gay... it's possible I guess, but when I have caught him looking at porn (by accident) (I am totally fine with porn), he has been looking at pics of women.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I got a better question for ya OP...

Should HE have this affair?
What about his kids, his parents, his family?

Thought never crossed your mind did it?

This part doesn't bother me, sorry. I don't know his family, so it's easy to not consider their feelings. It's a far bigger deal for me to risk hurting my own family.

Well since you don't care about anyone else what the hell are you asking for feedback for? It's your life and you're the only one who matters so make your decision and F what the DCUM opinions are.