Anonymous
05/14/2018 19:25
Subject: Re:Denies it’s his child
Anonymous wrote:All these "let it go" folks are ridiculous.
I love the "do you need the money?" especially.
I've BTDT. No matter what - you need the financial support. Maybe not immediately but no one can argue that a not having to worry about college is a bad thing. I didn't "need" any financial support and out of sheer spite I didn't go to court and I regret it.
No, we didn't suffer. But the fact that I let an adult man shirk his responsibilities - even just financially - bothers me to this day. I should have asked and received whatever my child was entitled to - and bank if for child if not "needed".
Also - FYI child support is separate from visitation/custody - meaning you can take him to court for child support and establish that you are the primary custodian but unless he presses for visitation, it's not addressed. Basically - if he doesn't want to be involved then let him not be involved but yes, make sure that he provides the finances required whether that's in support or medical insurance.
What does college have to do with it? A paternity test won't force him to contribute to tuition, but it will make sure his income is counted in the equation whether he contributes or not, possibly screwing you out of financial aid.
Some men are of such questionable character and judgment I'd hesitate to let them walk my dog let alone have visitation or 50% custody of my child. A man who denies paternity and tries to call the mother's morals in to question strikes me as that type of man.
Anonymous
05/14/2018 19:21
Subject: Re:Denies it’s his child
Anonymous wrote:All these "let it go" folks are ridiculous.
I love the "do you need the money?" especially.
I've BTDT. No matter what - you need the financial support. Maybe not immediately but no one can argue that a not having to worry about college is a bad thing. I didn't "need" any financial support and out of sheer spite I didn't go to court and I regret it.
No, we didn't suffer. But the fact that I let an adult man shirk his responsibilities - even just financially - bothers me to this day. I should have asked and received whatever my child was entitled to - and bank if for child if not "needed".
Also - FYI child support is separate from visitation/custody - meaning you can take him to court for child support and establish that you are the primary custodian but unless he presses for visitation, it's not addressed. Basically - if he doesn't want to be involved then let him not be involved but yes, make sure that he provides the finances required whether that's in support or medical insurance.
Op here. And yea I’m with you. I would never let a grown ass man avoid his responsibilities.
Anonymous
05/14/2018 19:19
Subject: Denies it’s his child
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:When someone isn't showing any inclination to be in your child's life, maybe it's best to let that be.
No. The child is entitled to the financial support of both parents. The child should not suffer because his father is an ass.
The child will suffer anyway if the father is an ass, regardless of how much money the father pours in. I say this as someone who is divorced from a wealthy man who financially supports his child but is not interested in seeing her more than once a month. He doesn't go to her school events even when she asks him to. He didn't come to her birthday party this year. He pays, but he isn't there for her and there are times when I think it would have been easier to just let him fade out of her life when she was much younger.
At least he is giving money.
Op here. And yes I agree, even if the father decides to give money my child might still suffer from having a horrible dad.
Anonymous
05/14/2018 19:16
Subject: Denies it’s his child
Op here. I am 6 months pregnant. He makes 6-7 figures every year and I am stuck with $72 k salary. I do need the help financially because I have horrible loans from grad school. I am in California. I do believe my child is entitled to be supported from me and the father. I do plan on putting his name in the birth certificate but he will take my last name. If he wants visitation that’s fine, I would want him to be in his child’s life. At the end of the day, I can’t make him though.
Anonymous
05/14/2018 18:35
Subject: Denies it’s his child
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:When someone isn't showing any inclination to be in your child's life, maybe it's best to let that be.
No. The child is entitled to the financial support of both parents. The child should not suffer because his father is an ass.
+1. Hold him accountable, just as you are accountable.
It is ridiculous that women get stuck with full responsibility- it needs to end. Men need to at least pay their part, even if they ignore any parenting responsibility.
No. Women have total control over whether the child is brought into the world or not. Therefore they should have full responsibility if the child is brought into the world.
Remember that "choice" thing? You have choices. Yay! But with choices come responsibility for the outcome.
Except our choices are continuously being limited and fought over at the state level, and we have no idea where OP is posting from. Just a week or so ago a state outlawed abortion after 6 weeks - which is before most women know they’re pregnant, especially if it’s an accidental pregnancy.
Anonymous
05/14/2018 18:31
Subject: Denies it’s his child
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:You can file for child support, even without his acknowledgement of paternity, and the court will order a DNA test - he will have to comply or risk arrest.
It’s not a fast process, and is unlikely to end in him “wanting” to be involved with the child, but it may bring you some financial relief.
That's not true, he won't get arrested for not taking a DNA test. The court will issue a default judgment against him if he doesn't comply though.
You may be right. I was thinking if he didn’t show for court he risks a bench warrant if OP can show proper service. I was unclear.
Anonymous
05/14/2018 18:25
Subject: Denies it’s his child
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:When someone isn't showing any inclination to be in your child's life, maybe it's best to let that be.
No. The child is entitled to the financial support of both parents. The child should not suffer because his father is an ass.
+1. Hold him accountable, just as you are accountable.
It is ridiculous that women get stuck with full responsibility- it needs to end. Men need to at least pay their part, even if they ignore any parenting responsibility.
No. Women have total control over whether the child is brought into the world or not. Therefore they should have full responsibility if the child is brought into the world.
Remember that "choice" thing? You have choices. Yay! But with choices come responsibility for the outcome.
Although I could wax on about your lack of critical thinking skills, I'll simply note (as the PP did) that the law does not agree you. Bitch and moan all you like about how unfair and wrong it is. It won't do any good. If you feel really passionate about it, run for public office and try and change the law. Good luck!
Anonymous
05/14/2018 16:52
Subject: Denies it’s his child
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:When someone isn't showing any inclination to be in your child's life, maybe it's best to let that be.
No. The child is entitled to the financial support of both parents. The child should not suffer because his father is an ass.
+1. Hold him accountable, just as you are accountable.
It is ridiculous that women get stuck with full responsibility- it needs to end. Men need to at least pay their part, even if they ignore any parenting responsibility.
No. Women have total control over whether the child is brought into the world or not. Therefore they should have full responsibility if the child is brought into the world.
Remember that "choice" thing? You have choices. Yay! But with choices come responsibility for the outcome.
The law does not agree with you, sorry.
OP, definitely go after child support. Even if you don't think you need it, you will. It might make him think twice before fathering children he has no interest in.
Anonymous
05/14/2018 16:48
Subject: Denies it’s his child
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:When someone isn't showing any inclination to be in your child's life, maybe it's best to let that be.
No. The child is entitled to the financial support of both parents. The child should not suffer because his father is an ass.
+1. Hold him accountable, just as you are accountable.
It is ridiculous that women get stuck with full responsibility- it needs to end. Men need to at least pay their part, even if they ignore any parenting responsibility.
No. Women have total control over whether the child is brought into the world or not. Therefore they should have full responsibility if the child is brought into the world.
Remember that "choice" thing? You have choices. Yay! But with choices come responsibility for the outcome.
Anonymous
05/14/2018 16:34
Subject: Denies it’s his child
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:When someone isn't showing any inclination to be in your child's life, maybe it's best to let that be.
No. The child is entitled to the financial support of both parents. The child should not suffer because his father is an ass.
+1. Hold him accountable, just as you are accountable.
It is ridiculous that women get stuck with full responsibility- it needs to end. Men need to at least pay their part, even if they ignore any parenting responsibility.
But the man didn't get to decide to keep the child or put it up for adoption. I do believe that unwilling dads should not have to pay
Anonymous
05/14/2018 16:32
Subject: Denies it’s his child
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:When someone isn't showing any inclination to be in your child's life, maybe it's best to let that be.
No. The child is entitled to the financial support of both parents. The child should not suffer because his father is an ass.
+1. Hold him accountable, just as you are accountable.
It is ridiculous that women get stuck with full responsibility- it needs to end. Men need to at least pay their part, even if they ignore any parenting responsibility.
Anonymous
05/14/2018 16:26
Subject: Denies it’s his child
I thought that if a man gave up all parental rights that he didn't have to pay child support? I mean this guy had nothing to do with keeping the baby or choosing to raise it (versus adoption).
Anonymous
05/14/2018 16:25
Subject: Denies it’s his child
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:No judgment please just need some advice.
My baby’s father denies the baby is his and even suggested I had been with multiple men and he can’t be sure it’s his. Do I have any rights legally? Can I claim child support? How do I do that anyway? I know with 100% certainty he is the father. Maybe after the DNA test he’ll want to be involved? Anyone in similar situations?
This was my husband 18 years ago. The baby could not be his. He also threatened to "make the baby motherless" if I filed for divorce. Since I was new to the country he said that if a disappeared no one would know it.
And you married him?!?
I get the impression the threats were after the marriage.
Anonymous
05/14/2018 16:13
Subject: Denies it’s his child
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:No judgment please just need some advice.
My baby’s father denies the baby is his and even suggested I had been with multiple men and he can’t be sure it’s his. Do I have any rights legally? Can I claim child support? How do I do that anyway? I know with 100% certainty he is the father. Maybe after the DNA test he’ll want to be involved? Anyone in similar situations?
This was my husband 18 years ago. The baby could not be his. He also threatened to "make the baby motherless" if I filed for divorce. Since I was new to the country he said that if a disappeared no one would know it.
And you married him?!?
Anonymous
05/14/2018 16:02
Subject: Denies it’s his child
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:When someone isn't showing any inclination to be in your child's life, maybe it's best to let that be.
No. The child is entitled to the financial support of both parents. The child should not suffer because his father is an ass.
The child will suffer anyway if the father is an ass, regardless of how much money the father pours in. I say this as someone who is divorced from a wealthy man who financially supports his child but is not interested in seeing her more than once a month. He doesn't go to her school events even when she asks him to. He didn't come to her birthday party this year. He pays, but he isn't there for her and there are times when I think it would have been easier to just let him fade out of her life when she was much younger.
At least he is giving money.