Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this board is ultraconservative, but I need some financial feedback. DH and I currently have an HHI of $400 a year. We have a high mortgage for which we have a $4500/month PITI. We live close in to DC, where we both work and the commute is good. We have two kids who will start school in two years. We are doing fine on this income and contribute fully to retirement, 529s, etc., and spend a lot on extras (cleaning service, lawn service, etc.). We have two kids and childcare is $1600/month.

But I just can't do this anymore. I'm the primary earner and literally every day I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack I'm so stressed out at work. An opportunity has come up for me to take a government position, but I would earn no more than $160k, which would cut our HHI to $240k - almost in half. I tell DH every day that I can't do this job anymore, and he just shrugs and says that I should go ahead and quit and take the lower paying job and that we would be fine and would just "cut back" spending, or else move. When I run the numbers I don't know how we could pay that mortgage. But when I look at real estate and interest rates, there is nothing that seems workable with a reasonable commute and good public schools where we could spend less. We would be going to a 3.5% mortgage to a 4.6% mortgage, and would have far less buying power, and would probably have to live over an hour away, and then would lose our current low-cost childcare (nearby family members).

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation and have any words of advice?

1. What does your DH do? 80k seems low for this area. He should be looking at ways to increase his income if you are so stressed at work you feel like you're going to have a heart attack.
2. The previous PP's idea of setting a date seems like a good one. The ideal date for you seems to be when the kids start school. In the mean time, your DH is the new cleaning service, lawn service, etc. Front load your kids' 529's with the savings -- you can put more in now to benefit from compound interest and you won't have to put as much in when your income goes down. And agree with PP that you're only options are not "kill yourself for $320k or go to goverment for $160k." You have 2 years to network and plan a path toward a job in the $200-250k range that won't kill you by 50.
3. $4500/month is really steep, but if you wait to move to another job until the kids are in school, you lose $1600/month in childcare costs. If you have a huge cash buffer saved up and have frontloaded the 529's you can direct that money toward the mortgage. It might be doable (I would hate it, but your current situation is not sustainable). And you can always move. Your health is more important than any particular house/neighborhood/school system.

Good god this is privileged! They have two small kids, so assume DH is under 40. What could his profession be for the low low salary of $80K? Oh, I don't know: teacher, professor, basically anything at a non-profit, state government employee, architect, social worker, technical writer, scientist, basically anything?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know this board is ultraconservative, but I need some financial feedback. DH and I currently have an HHI of $400 a year. We have a high mortgage for which we have a $4500/month PITI. We live close in to DC, where we both work and the commute is good. We have two kids who will start school in two years. We are doing fine on this income and contribute fully to retirement, 529s, etc., and spend a lot on extras (cleaning service, lawn service, etc.). We have two kids and childcare is $1600/month.

But I just can't do this anymore. I'm the primary earner and literally every day I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack I'm so stressed out at work. An opportunity has come up for me to take a government position, but I would earn no more than $160k, which would cut our HHI to $240k - almost in half. I tell DH every day that I can't do this job anymore, and he just shrugs and says that I should go ahead and quit and take the lower paying job and that we would be fine and would just "cut back" spending, or else move. When I run the numbers I don't know how we could pay that mortgage. But when I look at real estate and interest rates, there is nothing that seems workable with a reasonable commute and good public schools where we could spend less. We would be going to a 3.5% mortgage to a 4.6% mortgage, and would have far less buying power, and would probably have to live over an hour away, and then would lose our current low-cost childcare (nearby family members).

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation and have any words of advice?

1. What does your DH do? 80k seems low for this area. He should be looking at ways to increase his income if you are so stressed at work you feel like you're going to have a heart attack.
2. The previous PP's idea of setting a date seems like a good one. The ideal date for you seems to be when the kids start school. In the mean time, your DH is the new cleaning service, lawn service, etc. Front load your kids' 529's with the savings -- you can put more in now to benefit from compound interest and you won't have to put as much in when your income goes down. And agree with PP that you're only options are not "kill yourself for $320k or go to goverment for $160k." You have 2 years to network and plan a path toward a job in the $200-250k range that won't kill you by 50.
3. $4500/month is really steep, but if you wait to move to another job until the kids are in school, you lose $1600/month in childcare costs. If you have a huge cash buffer saved up and have frontloaded the 529's you can direct that money toward the mortgage. It might be doable (I would hate it, but your current situation is not sustainable). And you can always move. Your health is more important than any particular house/neighborhood/school system.

Anonymous wrote:I know this board is ultraconservative, but I need some financial feedback. DH and I currently have an HHI of $400 a year. We have a high mortgage for which we have a $4500/month PITI. We live close in to DC, where we both work and the commute is good. We have two kids who will start school in two years. We are doing fine on this income and contribute fully to retirement, 529s, etc., and spend a lot on extras (cleaning service, lawn service, etc.). We have two kids and childcare is $1600/month.

But I just can't do this anymore. I'm the primary earner and literally every day I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack I'm so stressed out at work. An opportunity has come up for me to take a government position, but I would earn no more than $160k, which would cut our HHI to $240k - almost in half. I tell DH every day that I can't do this job anymore, and he just shrugs and says that I should go ahead and quit and take the lower paying job and that we would be fine and would just "cut back" spending, or else move. When I run the numbers I don't know how we could pay that mortgage. But when I look at real estate and interest rates, there is nothing that seems workable with a reasonable commute and good public schools where we could spend less. We would be going to a 3.5% mortgage to a 4.6% mortgage, and would have far less buying power, and would probably have to live over an hour away, and then would lose our current low-cost childcare (nearby family members).

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation and have any words of advice?

Anonymous wrote:I had a similar situation when my kids were 3 and 5. I had an opportunity to go in house and go from 325k to 150k. I wanted to do it SO bad but also had a montage that was too high (3800) and similar living expenses. DH is a professor and makes 110k BUT does all the drop offs, pick ups, days off, and gets reduced summer hours and a sabatical every 7 years. In other words he wasn't moving. So I turned down that job but we made a 3 year plan. We lived SUPER lean, sent kids to our OK public and put everything we could on our mortgage. While we weren't able to pay it off we were able to pay it was down (to about 285k) and refinance and have a payment of 1650.00. Then I took a similar in house position (making a bit more, 182k) and we all lived happily ever after. My advice is to pick a date in the future and work towards it. We not only attacked our montage but paid off the last of our loans, our car note, and really let go of dry cleaning, lawn car, cleaning people, pea pod, etc etc. We felt way more flush when I actually switched to my low paying job and "the trial period" was over!

Anonymous wrote:I know this board is ultraconservative, but I need some financial feedback. DH and I currently have an HHI of $400 a year. We have a high mortgage for which we have a $4500/month PITI. We live close in to DC, where we both work and the commute is good. We have two kids who will start school in two years. We are doing fine on this income and contribute fully to retirement, 529s, etc., and spend a lot on extras (cleaning service, lawn service, etc.). We have two kids and childcare is $1600/month.

But I just can't do this anymore. I'm the primary earner and literally every day I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack I'm so stressed out at work. An opportunity has come up for me to take a government position, but I would earn no more than $160k, which would cut our HHI to $240k - almost in half. I tell DH every day that I can't do this job anymore, and he just shrugs and says that I should go ahead and quit and take the lower paying job and that we would be fine and would just "cut back" spending, or else move. When I run the numbers I don't know how we could pay that mortgage. But when I look at real estate and interest rates, there is nothing that seems workable with a reasonable commute and good public schools where we could spend less. We would be going to a 3.5% mortgage to a 4.6% mortgage, and would have far less buying power, and would probably have to live over an hour away, and then would lose our current low-cost childcare (nearby family members).

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation and have any words of advice?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you can take the lower paying job and keep your mortgage. You will need to cut back on some spending and maybe some saving, especially in the short term, but it will be fine. It is really important not to kill yourself with work. Would the new job lower your expenses in any way (health care premiums, transportation benefit, other benefits, etc.)? Can you negotiate extra vacation to save money on summer camp when your kids are school aged? Or flex your schedule to start early and skip aftercare?

For reference, our HHI is $275k. We do not spend lavishly, but aren't super frugal either. While our mortgage is lower than yours ($3200), we also put $2500/month in 529s. This is important, but discretionary, and we'd cut it if needed. We spend $1000 per month on aftercare/camp. Could lower that by shifting our schedule if we absolutely needed to. We also have $1500-$2000 that we don't spend/month that ends up in discretionary investing, home projects, etc.

Look carefully at your spending, there may be a lot you can cut.

Thank you! Do both of you contribute to 401ks?

Anonymous wrote:I know this board is ultraconservative, but I need some financial feedback. DH and I currently have an HHI of $400 a year. We have a high mortgage for which we have a $4500/month PITI. We live close in to DC, where we both work and the commute is good. We have two kids who will start school in two years. We are doing fine on this income and contribute fully to retirement, 529s, etc., and spend a lot on extras (cleaning service, lawn service, etc.). We have two kids and childcare is $1600/month.

But I just can't do this anymore. I'm the primary earner and literally every day I feel like I'm going to have a heart attack I'm so stressed out at work. An opportunity has come up for me to take a government position, but I would earn no more than $160k, which would cut our HHI to $240k - almost in half. I tell DH every day that I can't do this job anymore, and he just shrugs and says that I should go ahead and quit and take the lower paying job and that we would be fine and would just "cut back" spending, or else move. When I run the numbers I don't know how we could pay that mortgage. But when I look at real estate and interest rates, there is nothing that seems workable with a reasonable commute and good public schools where we could spend less. We would be going to a 3.5% mortgage to a 4.6% mortgage, and would have far less buying power, and would probably have to live over an hour away, and then would lose our current low-cost childcare (nearby family members).

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation and have any words of advice?

Anonymous wrote:OP, you can take the lower paying job and keep your mortgage. You will need to cut back on some spending and maybe some saving, especially in the short term, but it will be fine. It is really important not to kill yourself with work. Would the new job lower your expenses in any way (health care premiums, transportation benefit, other benefits, etc.)? Can you negotiate extra vacation to save money on summer camp when your kids are school aged? Or flex your schedule to start early and skip aftercare?

For reference, our HHI is $275k. We do not spend lavishly, but aren't super frugal either. While our mortgage is lower than yours ($3200), we also put $2500/month in 529s. This is important, but discretionary, and we'd cut it if needed. We spend $1000 per month on aftercare/camp. Could lower that by shifting our schedule if we absolutely needed to. We also have $1500-$2000 that we don't spend/month that ends up in discretionary investing, home projects, etc.

Look carefully at your spending, there may be a lot you can cut.

Anonymous wrote:OP, do you have a chunk of money saved that you could dump into your mortgage to increase you equity. If so, you can put the money in, "recast" and drop your mortgage payment while keeping your interest rate. I did this to leave Biglaw and go in house.