Stay the hell out of it. This is not even your family. You are just an in law. And the mother in law absolutely has the right to give it to whoever she wants, AND she gifted it equally. What is your issue with this? MYOB.

Op. As far as I k ow, there is not a trust.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It has come to our attention that my husband’s brother has been getting “chuncks” of money from MIL sporadically since FIL died. Most recently, the down payment for a house. The only reason we found out is because MIL’s financial planner made her distribute equal amounts to each sibling when she gifted the down payment.

I mainly want to make sure MIL (who is a widow) has enough to last her through the rest of her life and to avoid legal and financial problem when she dies.

Is this just general irritation at the sneakiness of BIL or do we have a potential future legal/financial liability sneaking up on us in the next couple of years? If so, is there someway we can protect my MIL and ourselves?

I actual,y don’t believe this. MIL is free to do with her money what she wants, while she is alive.

Gifts are gifts and do not need to be distributed evenly. No financial planner would force someone to give away money they didn’t have to,

So what’s the real story?

DP but there could be a trust out of which the MIL is drawing the money. In that case the financial planner / attorney / whomever would be acting according to the terms of the trust. It also could be a term of a will if the MIL's husband is deceased. For example, my parents as well as my husband and I have a term in our wills that does not allow the survivor to change the terms will after the other dies. This impacts any disbursements to children or grandchildren or others, and it protects the estate from some unsavory person attaching him/herself to the survivor and stealing or diverting funds.

Agreed it could be a trust, but in which case OP likely wouldn’t be as worried about the money, as the trust guarantees they’ll see the money someday.

Op. I am NOT worried about the money, I’m worried about preserving a positive relationship between my husband and his siblings. They don’t have the financial or legal wherewithal to do so themselves, or does MIL. I just need some suggestions to pass on to husband. He can take or leave them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It has come to our attention that my husband’s brother has been getting “chuncks” of money from MIL sporadically since FIL died. Most recently, the down payment for a house. The only reason we found out is because MIL’s financial planner made her distribute equal amounts to each sibling when she gifted the down payment.

I mainly want to make sure MIL (who is a widow) has enough to last her through the rest of her life and to avoid legal and financial problem when she dies.

Is this just general irritation at the sneakiness of BIL or do we have a potential future legal/financial liability sneaking up on us in the next couple of years? If so, is there someway we can protect my MIL and ourselves?

I actual,y don’t believe this. MIL is free to do with her money what she wants, while she is alive.

Gifts are gifts and do not need to be distributed evenly. No financial planner would force someone to give away money they didn’t have to,

So what’s the real story?

DP but there could be a trust out of which the MIL is drawing the money. In that case the financial planner / attorney / whomever would be acting according to the terms of the trust. It also could be a term of a will if the MIL's husband is deceased. For example, my parents as well as my husband and I have a term in our wills that does not allow the survivor to change the terms will after the other dies. This impacts any disbursements to children or grandchildren or others, and it protects the estate from some unsavory person attaching him/herself to the survivor and stealing or diverting funds.

Agreed it could be a trust, but in which case OP likely wouldn’t be as worried about the money, as the trust guarantees they’ll see the money someday.

OP, Mother's Day is coming up. It might be a nice Mother's Day gift for your MIL if you and your husband pay for your MIL to consult with an estate planner and/or estate attorney. That way she has an unbiased professional helping to guide her.

If your BIL objects then he can contribute 50/50 to the fee and the two siblings can select the person together.

Other than that, OP, you need to butt out. You have no dog in this race.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It has come to our attention that my husband’s brother has been getting “chuncks” of money from MIL sporadically since FIL died. Most recently, the down payment for a house. The only reason we found out is because MIL’s financial planner made her distribute equal amounts to each sibling when she gifted the down payment.

I mainly want to make sure MIL (who is a widow) has enough to last her through the rest of her life and to avoid legal and financial problem when she dies.

Is this just general irritation at the sneakiness of BIL or do we have a potential future legal/financial liability sneaking up on us in the next couple of years? If so, is there someway we can protect my MIL and ourselves?

I actual,y don’t believe this. MIL is free to do with her money what she wants, while she is alive.

Gifts are gifts and do not need to be distributed evenly. No financial planner would force someone to give away money they didn’t have to,

So what’s the real story?

DP but there could be a trust out of which the MIL is drawing the money. In that case the financial planner / attorney / whomever would be acting according to the terms of the trust. It also could be a term of a will if the MIL's husband is deceased. For example, my parents as well as my husband and I have a term in our wills that does not allow the survivor to change the terms will after the other dies. This impacts any disbursements to children or grandchildren or others, and it protects the estate from some unsavory person attaching him/herself to the survivor and stealing or diverting funds.

Op here. I would like to see some sort of fund set of for potential long-term care for MIL. At her age and health, long-term care insurance is going to be astronomical. At the rate BIL takes, and based on his future needs (which he clearly thinks need to be fulfilled by his aging mother/ATM), and the distinct possibility that the stock market will turn at some point, the money could disappear.

Has anyone successfully convinced a parent to lock away funds for unexpected health downturns or potential assisted living? Who oversees that money? A financial planner? I don’t think it should be one of her kids.

Anonymous wrote:My grandma had something similar. So when she helped pay for my cousins college, I too got the same amount of money in an account to be used for college when the time came. It was to prevent fighting. Any money given would be shared equally so there were no favorites. It happened again when my brother needed help to buy a house, but that time I was just given the money as I already had a condo.

I agree. I think OP is referring to a parent who intended to be fair, but has aged.

My grandma had something similar. So when she helped pay for my cousins college, I too got the same amount of money in an account to be used for college when the time came. It was to prevent fighting. Any money given would be shared equally so there were no favorites. It happened again when my brother needed help to buy a house, but that time I was just given the money as I already had a condo.

Anonymous wrote:The OP sounds just like the poster a couple months back who is in a contentious law suit with a sibling. OP you are greedy and self interested.

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OP, it is not your mom, so don't worry about it. You need to stay out of this and let DH handle it.

As for the above comment, I am not familiar with the situation you cite, but sometimes siblings do siphon money and abuse elders. It happens. People get greedy, especially if they are seen as a disappointment to their parents. But in this case, OP. It is not your mother, so stay out of it.

Not sure what future ‘financial/legal liabilities’ you are referring to for a grift from a parent to a child? It seems like you are phishing for issues. MYOB.

Anonymous wrote:It has come to our attention that my husband’s brother has been getting “chuncks” of money from MIL sporadically since FIL died. Most recently, the down payment for a house. The only reason we found out is because MIL’s financial planner made her distribute equal amounts to each sibling when she gifted the down payment.

I mainly want to make sure MIL (who is a widow) has enough to last her through the rest of her life and to avoid legal and financial problem when she dies.

Is this just general irritation at the sneakiness of BIL or do we have a potential future legal/financial liability sneaking up on us in the next couple of years? If so, is there someway we can protect my MIL and ourselves?

Is that because the money is in some sort of trust?

DIL leave your MIL alone. She is entitled to gift her money to whoever she wants to while she is living. Is she has a financial advisor all the better. MYOB. DC area folks only care about money.

If you are being greedy, then back off and MYOB.

If you are truly worried that MIL is giving away money she needs for her own care, and DH agrees, then HAVE HIM talk to MIL about your concerns for her future well-being, what is being expected of you should she run out of money, and ask for an opportunity to know more about her situation. She will either say yes or no. I

Anonymous wrote:The financial planner is smart to suggest this, even though she certainly doesn't have to give equally, because it prevents estate fights after death. Sounds like the financial adviser is all over things, I'm sure he/she is making sure there is enough left for your MIL to live on. Let it go.

-1

life is neither fair nor equal. Everyone is counting this money while MIL is still alive., a good financial planner would have advised her to remove that amount / value for that sibling from the will, while allowing the rest to be invested to accrue interest.

I think it’s disgusting how people fight over inheritances before the person is even dead. Let them live their life and spent their money.