We're like two other posters and one/other/all of us sees each kid at least once a month, either because the child is on break or because we're up for Parent's Weekend or some other activity. It isn't usually both of us who goes because we have the kids who are in college and some others still at home in K-12. There have been a few times for each kid that the child said no, not this weekend, but usually we're greeted with open arms because they know it is a nice dinner out, breakfast and some extra $ as a delightful parting gift. If the kid is on a team then we see them more frequently during that sport season. It is a nice break for us, too, and we're generally there less than 24 hours. The drives are 4-6 hours. It works for us.

Anonymous wrote:How do you deal with going from seeing your child every single day to a handful of times a year? This is gonna hurt.

Your child has never gone to sleep away camp, vacation with a friend?

It depends on the kid. When my son went away, he was a five hour plane ride. For his freshman year we agreed somebody would visit once a month or he'd come home. But he'd get to see family once a month, somehow. He was not sure he'd stay at that college through his freshman year, then all four years, etc. Now he is in med school there. For sophomore year he was open to it being every other month. After that it was every 2-3 months. But we FaceTime and/or text daily. He's a mama's boy.

When my daughter went to school she was also a five hour plane ride away. She was an hour away from DS. So if we visited one, obviously we visited the other. I think they saw each other once or twice a month separate from us visiting our son. She would have been fine leaving at the end of August, coming home for Thanksgiving, then winter break, then spring break, then summer. MAYYYYYBE she would have wanted a visit around February?

We're a close family though. This is unusual.

For our oldest, I did not visit until his sophomore year and DH and I did not visit together (DH's first trip) until fall of his junior year. His school is 12 hours away.

For our younger, we visited in the fall of his freshman year for a ceremony in which he was receiving an award. I took him to lunch in February when I was nearby with my sister. His school is 6/7 hours away.

Other than that, most visits are when they are at home on breaks. This is oldest's junior year and he has not been home since Christmas and will not be home until next Christmas. DH and I are visiting him this weekend and then again the whole family is visiting in a nearby city.

Anonymous wrote:Visiting your student in college might just induce a great deal of anxiety in them. If you go, stay in a hotel (not their apartment) take all their laundry to a laundromat, scrub their bathroom and kitchen, take them to dinner and leave. They have no time to waste socializing and even if it looks like they have nothing to do, they are sweating about something they have to turn in at midnight and aren’t really enjoying the visit. I know you see a visit as a mini-vacation but for them it’s work.

Sounds like solid advice, but when I visit my kid - who is having a happy freshman experience - he seems excited to get off campus for dinner or some sightseeing with me. My take is that he likes the brief reprieve from the stress bubble. And a change of pace from the d-hall.

Anonymous wrote:Visiting your student in college might just induce a great deal of anxiety in them. If you go, stay in a hotel (not their apartment) take all their laundry to a laundromat, scrub their bathroom and kitchen, take them to dinner and leave. They have no time to waste socializing and even if it looks like they have nothing to do, they are sweating about something they have to turn in at midnight and aren’t really enjoying the visit. I know you see a visit as a mini-vacation but for them it’s work.

I always stay at a hotel. I bring homemade treats for the room and heck no will I scrub her floors!!! Her friends love going out to eat since we pay and we hear a lot of the ins and outs. If your child is too stressed on a weekend and is doing papers at midnight on a Saturday, they went to a school far beyond they can handle.

twice this year -
- parents weekend in october
- basketball game in February

she also came home for fall break (October), Thanksgiving break (November), winter break (December/January), spring break and Easter break. And for the summer. So it works out to be about once a month. School is about 2.5 hours away (Philadelphia).

We have visited six times so far and will be visiting again next week (opening night for their current theatre production was April 20). She's in NY.

Visiting your student in college might just induce a great deal of anxiety in them. If you go, stay in a hotel (not their apartment) take all their laundry to a laundromat, scrub their bathroom and kitchen, take them to dinner and leave. They have no time to waste socializing and even if it looks like they have nothing to do, they are sweating about something they have to turn in at midnight and aren’t really enjoying the visit. I know you see a visit as a mini-vacation but for them it’s work.

Less and less each year.

My kid isn't in college yet, but when I was in college (4 hr drive or 3 hour train ride from my parents) I went home for Thanksgiving, Christmas, spring break, and part of each summer. They'd visit me at least 2-3 times other than that. It would just be for a weekend.

Mine comes home for thanksgiving but not most other breaks. Xmas and spring were always at the boyfriend’s house in a warm sunny climate. Lots of summer internships also. Skype helps enormously. We play an online game together and chat or watch a show and chat. It’s almost as good as being there.

Anonymous wrote:How do you deal with going from seeing your child every single day to a handful of times a year? This is gonna hurt.

Just wait until they're out of college and can't afford plane fare themselves. It's hard, but that is life. I remember spending Christmas by myself after taking a job my parents didn't want me to take.

If they play a sport and it isn’t painfully (or expensively) far, quite a bit during the season. Though it’s often a “hey good to see you mix in the changeup once in a while” hug and go.

Why don’t you all visit for family days? We go every year and it is a blast! I feel bad for the kids whose families aren’t there. The place is packed with parents and kids.