Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such an interesting idea and honestly, something I’ve never considered. Who is really going to know if you’re “legally” married or not?

Just the government. You either register your marriage or you don't.

I will talk to the fiancee tonight.

Or every single person when you die and can't get the body released from the mortuary/funeral home.
Your 'MIL' when the hospital calls her and said you don't have the right to make decisions for your spouse.
The lawyer when you want to ask for division of property and they found out only the other spouse's name is on the mortgage/deed.

Just some scenarios there. Not advocating marriage for financial security on the front-end though, its mostly for SAHMs who don't have any other way to financially support themselves otherwise.

The first two issues can be dealt with through a power-of-attorney agreement, IIRC. I'm happy to be corrected, if someone has more information.

We are both already on the mortgages and deeds together, so that's not an issue.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such an interesting idea and honestly, something I’ve never considered. Who is really going to know if you’re “legally” married or not?

Just the government. You either register your marriage or you don't.

I will talk to the fiancee tonight.

Or every single person when you die and can't get the body released from the mortuary/funeral home.
Your 'MIL' when the hospital calls her and said you don't have the right to make decisions for your spouse.
The lawyer when you want to ask for division of property and they found out only the other spouse's name is on the mortgage/deed.

Just some scenarios there. Not advocating marriage for financial security on the front-end though, its mostly for SAHMs who don't have any other way to financially support themselves otherwise.

The first two issues can be dealt with through a power-of-attorney agreement, IIRC. I'm happy to be corrected, if someone has more information.

We are both already on the mortgages and deeds together.

For the PSLF folks, there's a loophole that you may qualify for, although it's not perfect. You can file separately, but make sure that you ask for the IBR or ICR plans. No PAYE or REPAYE. They don't factor in the spouse's income at all. HOWEVER, filing separately will reduce you down to $5000 on SALT (it splits it from joint), and you can no longer deduct student loan interest.

OP here:

I ran the math earlier this AM. If we get married and register with the government, we will pay an extra:
-$7500 per year in student loans. This amount can go up as we earn more money (I need to submit taxes every year to re-certify), and thus less is ultimately forgiven by PSLF.
-Around $2-3K more in taxes due to the loss of SALT deductions

Where things get tricky is if we have kids. I think - from a tax perspective - we may be more advantaged if we have a kid and just have one of us claim the child as an exemption.

My only big concern is what happens if one of us dies. I do not believe she would be able to claim Social Security survivor-spouse benefits. I need to look more into this.

Once PSLF is complete, I would move forward with a legal marriage.

Is this crazy? We can save $60K or so over the next 6 years by not marrying.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is such an interesting idea and honestly, something I’ve never considered. Who is really going to know if you’re “legally” married or not?

Just the government. You either register your marriage or you don't.

I will talk to the fiancee tonight.

Or every single person when you die and can't get the body released from the mortuary/funeral home.
Your 'MIL' when the hospital calls her and said you don't have the right to make decisions for your spouse.
The lawyer when you want to ask for division of property and they found out only the other spouse's name is on the mortgage/deed.

Just some scenarios there. Not advocating marriage for financial security on the front-end though, its mostly for SAHMs who don't have any other way to financially support themselves otherwise.

Anonymous wrote:OP, you are an @ss

Because s/he has some notion about how finances work?

Anonymous wrote:This is such an interesting idea and honestly, something I’ve never considered. Who is really going to know if you’re “legally” married or not?

Just the government. You either register your marriage or you don't.

I will talk to the fiancee tonight.

This is such an interesting idea and honestly, something I’ve never considered. Who is really going to know if you’re “legally” married or not?

We paid SO much when we first got married and before we had kids. It really made us rethink marriage and wonder why we got married. Even now that we have kids, we'd love to take all the benefits that single people with kids get. It's insane because you think the government wouldn't want to disincentivize marriage.

We wish we were married religiously, but not through the government. I feel like the government shouldn't be involved in my marriage at all.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't marry until you need to -- ie., when you have a kid.

Why get married when you have a kid? I have been with my unofficial spouse for more than a decade. Our DC is now almost nine. We won't get married until it makes financial sense. Until then, we are happy as is. Everyone thinks we're married. No one asks for the marriage certificate. I refer to him as my husband. I am known as his wife. We wear wedding bands.
We may get officially married when I retire, but for now, we have every benefit we need. As well, we've both been married before. For each of us, this unmarried thing is our most successful relationship yet. Knowing the other "could" leave (but not really) makes us work harder to make our "marriage" successful. It may not be for everyone, but it works for us.

Stop lying to yourself, it’s clear to me that your “husband” doesn’t want to marry you. Making up an excuse to make yourself feel better is dumb.

Have a ceremony, get "spiritually" married, don't involve the state. Have some other kind of financial partnership drawn up.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't marry until you need to -- ie., when you have a kid.

Why get married when you have a kid? I have been with my unofficial spouse for more than a decade. Our DC is now almost nine. We won't get married until it makes financial sense. Until then, we are happy as is. Everyone thinks we're married. No one asks for the marriage certificate. I refer to him as my husband. I am known as his wife. We wear wedding bands.
We may get officially married when I retire, but for now, we have every benefit we need. As well, we've both been married before. For each of us, this unmarried thing is our most successful relationship yet. Knowing the other "could" leave (but not really) makes us work harder to make our "marriage" successful. It may not be for everyone, but it works for us.

This is exactly us too. We've been together for 13 years. We have all the benefits of a legal marriage, act like a married couple, but don't have the tax consequences of being married. It's great!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Only get married if its benefits you in someway .

Well, I love my fiancee and want to commit to a life together in a meaningful way in front of our family and friends. Plus, we want to start a family. But this is coming at a very real cost that will impact our financial future.

It's a bit odd, but it is what it is.

Have the marriage ceremony in front of family and friends with a religious component if that is important to you both. Just don't register the marriage.

Being "legally" married which comes with the process of registration is when you are viewed as married for tax and other purposes. I know a couple who actually got divorced because the marriage penalty was so severe. But nothing else changed in their lives as a couple and very few of their friends and acquaintances even know that they are legally not married.

The one thing to keep in mind is that if you both decide to split up down the line, the split of assets and liabilities will not be governed by the rules and rights that are accorded to married couples in most states ....... since you are both just living together from a legal standpoint.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't marry until you need to -- ie., when you have a kid.

Why get married when you have a kid? I have been with my unofficial spouse for more than a decade. Our DC is now almost nine. We won't get married until it makes financial sense. Until then, we are happy as is. Everyone thinks we're married. No one asks for the marriage certificate. I refer to him as my husband. I am known as his wife. We wear wedding bands.
We may get officially married when I retire, but for now, we have every benefit we need. As well, we've both been married before. For each of us, this unmarried thing is our most successful relationship yet. Knowing the other "could" leave (but not really) makes us work harder to make our "marriage" successful. It may not be for everyone, but it works for us.

It's not about making your marriage successful, its about the fact that in the event of your 'marriage' not being a success (high odds in this day-and-age) they each spouse has the right to alimony, higher child support, and asset dividends.

As a non-married person I recognize that, and I would never have a child with someone without that or a f---ing trust set up for the child in advance (which can be tacky so...).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH is doing PSLF. Getting married was the worst financial decision of my life.

How so? Please give us advice!

Have to file our taxes separately. Can’t deduct student loan interest, can’t contribute to an IRA (even a Roth), can’t take the childcare tax credit, or many other credits. We are thousands of dollars behind every year because of this, and we don’t even make that much.