I don't see how it's nosy to ask where your own niece/nephew is going to college?

If your SIL is competitive and you're not, then why do you care what she knows? She'll likely find out eventually.

I have friends I talk about college admission with, and those I don't. I'm very interesting in the process. Find it fascinating, a great way to learn about other areas of the country and schools, and people and why they make the decisions they do. When I find another parent like this we bond instantly. I have other friends, dear friends, who don't want to talk. By having them in my life I'm better conditioned, more sensitive to be careful.

"It's not something that I care to talk about."

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to say something that encourages more prying--but don't want to be rude. I didn't realize my SIL had been having this little competition in her head all these years, but this year it is clear to me that she does. My neighbor has always been openly competitive--it's a hand to hand combat sport for her.

Then “still deciding” or the name of the school and move on. If you don’t want to play, stop hiding the ball.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once DC picks, say s/he selected their top choice and you all are so excited.

And then they say "oh really, where???"

And you...tell them????

What's with the cloak and dagger around college attendance? I can see not sharing until your child decides, because it is their business, but after that I don't understand why it would be a secret. Unless you are embarrassed by where they are going, in which case you have bigger problems than a nosy neighbor.

+1

Ditto. Keeping it a secret either makes your child think they should be embarrassed about where there are going or if it is some elite school, it makes you seem condescending, like your listener just can't handle knowing this, they will be so jealous

Exactly!

Just say "I forgot". University of something or another.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once DC picks, say s/he selected their top choice and you all are so excited.

And then they say "oh really, where???"

And you...tell them????

What's with the cloak and dagger around college attendance? I can see not sharing until your child decides, because it is their business, but after that I don't understand why it would be a secret. Unless you are embarrassed by where they are going, in which case you have bigger problems than a nosy neighbor.

+1

Ditto. Keeping it a secret either makes your child think they should be embarrassed about where there are going or if it is some elite school, it makes you seem condescending, like your listener just can't handle knowing this, they will be so jealous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once DC picks, say s/he selected their top choice and you all are so excited.

And then they say "oh really, where???"

Are you trying to keep secret where your kid is going to college? That's odd, and will be viewed as rude. Tell them where he's going, and that's it. Why is this difficult?

PP, and yes answering basic questions is normal.

You handle it the way you handle any other nosy question you don't want to answer.

Nothing special about college acceptance.

Since it is nearly May,

a) he has some good choices. we'll let you know when he picks.

or

b) he's going to school X. it is a perfect fit!

and follow both statements with something about the Caps, the Nats, or your daffodils.

Anonymous wrote:Talking less, revealing less about your now adult children should be the goal (hard to do but a goal), in all of their life decisions. It's their life. But sure it's odd not to answer a direct question - no one does that, but setting the tone is important.

Nah. Revealing *personal* details about your adult child is one thing but saying what college they're attending or where they got their first PT job is just general conversation. It's nothing that won't eventually show up on their Linkedin acct.

Talking less, revealing less about your now adult children should be the goal (hard to do but a goal), in all of their life decisions. It's their life. But sure it's odd not to answer a direct question - no one does that, but setting the tone is important.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Once DC picks, say s/he selected their top choice and you all are so excited.

And then they say "oh really, where???"

And you...tell them????

What's with the cloak and dagger around college attendance? I can see not sharing until your child decides, because it is their business, but after that I don't understand why it would be a secret. Unless you are embarrassed by where they are going, in which case you have bigger problems than a nosy neighbor.

+1

Anonymous wrote:I don't want to say something that encourages more prying--but don't want to be rude. I didn't realize my SIL had been having this little competition in her head all these years, but this year it is clear to me that she does. My neighbor has always been openly competitive--it's a hand to hand combat sport for her.

Just say "Still deciding" then cut off all contact with them.

Can you give examples of the types of questions? That'll help us give specific responses. Like are the questions specifically about whether he got in or applied to specific schools?

If they're asking if he's decided yet? Just say "he doesn't know yet where he's going"

If it's more direct, like "Oh, did DS get into [Ivy]? Did he apply?

You can be more sarcastic and say "I don't know, but I'm sure wherever he [applied/gets into] it won't be as good as your son, so don't worry about it."