Anonymous
Post 04/15/2018 20:51     Subject: Re:the kids are watching....
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Question: For those that cut their own family out of their children’s lives. Is it cultural? It certainly seems to go against the laws of nature. Civilized societies don’t do this. There is no reason to behave in such a selfish manner as to deny family relationships.


Civilized people aren’t abusive. Civilized people aren’t emotionally manipulative at every turn. Civilized people don’t expose their children to people, even people they share dna with, who will hurt or abuse them, even if it’s not sexual abuse (which app said is the only reasonable excuse for cutting grandparents off).


What is this abuse you are talking about? In America when parents abuse their children they go to jail.
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2018 20:33     Subject: the kids are watching....
Anonymous wrote:That is sad OP. My MIL is awful to her 95 yr old mother. She has no patience with her and is always annoyed with her. I was raised in a family where when you are 95 you get to be particular about what you want to eat, how much travel you feel up for, etc. and those quirks and preferences are tolerated.

My MIL treats her mom like hellion three year old and acts an exasperated baby sitter annoyed the parents weren’t home 2 hours ago. I get it, you mom gets to be 85 and you assume you only have a few years left of driving to Dr appointments and then you have 10 years with no end in sight. But still. I hope I treat my mom and MIL with more patience, respect and grace when it’s my turn.

Do you know how your MIL treated her daughter? Likely plays a huge role in her behavior towards her.
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2018 20:29     Subject: Re:the kids are watching....
Anonymous wrote:Question: For those that cut their own family out of their children’s lives. Is it cultural? It certainly seems to go against the laws of nature. Civilized societies don’t do this. There is no reason to behave in such a selfish manner as to deny family relationships.


Civilized people aren’t abusive. Civilized people aren’t emotionally manipulative at every turn. Civilized people don’t expose their children to people, even people they share dna with, who will hurt or abuse them, even if it’s not sexual abuse (which app said is the only reasonable excuse for cutting grandparents off).
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2018 20:01     Subject: Re:the kids are watching....
Question: For those that cut their own family out of their children’s lives. Is it cultural? It certainly seems to go against the laws of nature. Civilized societies don’t do this. There is no reason to behave in such a selfish manner as to deny family relationships.
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2018 19:56     Subject: the kids are watching....
Anonymous wrote:My aunt and uncle, who I was extremely close to growing up, had 4 kids. None of them are willing to do much to visit, none of them are very kind or thoughtful. Aunt and uncle did nothing to deserve this, but the kids are just pretty self involved (maybe because they're all still young, 28-35, and haven't had kids yet themselves).

I also know people who bend over backwards to accommodate their abusive parents. There is no justice.


I was tracking until I read the word “Justice”. For what? Do you mean retaliation? Like an eye for an eye?
I hope you get to a place in life where you can see things differently.
It’s an old read, but try The Road Less Traveled.
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2018 19:42     Subject: the kids are watching....
My aunt and uncle, who I was extremely close to growing up, had 4 kids. None of them are willing to do much to visit, none of them are very kind or thoughtful. Aunt and uncle did nothing to deserve this, but the kids are just pretty self involved (maybe because they're all still young, 28-35, and haven't had kids yet themselves).

I also know people who bend over backwards to accommodate their abusive parents. There is no justice.
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2018 19:40     Subject: Re:the kids are watching....
**my kids are not my property ^^^
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2018 19:39     Subject: the kids are watching....
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:But she still doesn’t love you


I don’t love her either. Anyway, it’s not about me and it’s not about love.


I have no idea what you're trying to convey.


Your kids are watching your behavior. History repeats itself.
Unless your parents sexually abused you, work out your differences. Don’t raise a dysfunctional family. Break the chain of dysfunction.
The point.....your kids are watching....just like you did.


If you think your kids don’t realize that in spite of your dutiful visits, you don’t love grandma and she doesn’t love you, and that it’s a cold and meaningless relationship, you’re fooling yourself. And if you think that seeing your dysfunctional relationship with your mother means your kids will feel similarly obligated to you when you get old, you’re fooling yourself some more. Life isn’t fair.


My parents were aweful as parents. Seriously, they were jerks. I don’t see myself as a victim.
Of course it’s hard to put up with them. And they put up with me. It’s called respect. Again, no one is a victim.

The biggest thing I do see is my kids have awesome grandparents. Who would have thought my dad would play on the floor or rock his grandchild? Who ever thought my mother would find and give so much joy to my kids?

My kids are not your property and ITS NOT ABOUT ME! Don’t you see that?
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2018 16:24     Subject: the kids are watching....
That is sad OP. My MIL is awful to her 95 yr old mother. She has no patience with her and is always annoyed with her. I was raised in a family where when you are 95 you get to be particular about what you want to eat, how much travel you feel up for, etc. and those quirks and preferences are tolerated.

My MIL treats her mom like hellion three year old and acts an exasperated baby sitter annoyed the parents weren’t home 2 hours ago. I get it, you mom gets to be 85 and you assume you only have a few years left of driving to Dr appointments and then you have 10 years with no end in sight. But still. I hope I treat my mom and MIL with more patience, respect and grace when it’s my turn.
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2018 16:09     Subject: the kids are watching....
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:But she still doesn’t love you


I don’t love her either. Anyway, it’s not about me and it’s not about love.


I have no idea what you're trying to convey.


Your kids are watching your behavior. History repeats itself.
Unless your parents sexually abused you, work out your differences. Don’t raise a dysfunctional family. Break the chain of dysfunction.
The point.....your kids are watching....just like you did.


If you think your kids don’t realize that in spite of your dutiful visits, you don’t love grandma and she doesn’t love you, and that it’s a cold and meaningless relationship, you’re fooling yourself. And if you think that seeing your dysfunctional relationship with your mother means your kids will feel similarly obligated to you when you get old, you’re fooling yourself some more. Life isn’t fair.
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2018 15:59     Subject: the kids are watching....
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:But she still doesn’t love you


I don’t love her either. Anyway, it’s not about me and it’s not about love.


I have no idea what you're trying to convey.


Your kids are watching your behavior. History repeats itself.
Unless your parents sexually abused you, work out your differences. Don’t raise a dysfunctional family. Break the chain of dysfunction.
The point.....your kids are watching....just like you did.


My kids watched me stick up for them and cut off grandparents who decided to be homophobic and insulting (more like emotionally abusive) to my gay child. My kids know I won’t tolerate anyone treating them poorly for things they can’t help, especially in the name of religion. My kids know I’ll neber choose anyone else over them. I felt it was more important for my kids to see me stick up for them and not be a doormat than to see me let my family be continually I sulted and berated.

There are other kinds of abuse besides sexual abuse. Your posts are bizarre.
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2018 14:41     Subject: the kids are watching....
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your kids are watching. And what a lot of DCUM posters are teaching their kids is that when a relationship isn’t perfect, walk away.

That is not a lesson I want my kids to internalize.

Not everyone is from the Dottie Sandusky school of maintaining relationships.


Amen!
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2018 14:37     Subject: the kids are watching....
This post is strange. You shouldn't pat yourself on the back for allowing yourself to be treated poorly. You chose not to cut your mother off- that's fine, but it's not some righteous, more correct choice, it's just a choice. And grandkids aren't the "prize" for anything. This is all just strange.
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2018 12:45     Subject: Re:the kids are watching....
Sounds like a total waste of time and energy.
Anonymous
Post 04/15/2018 12:44     Subject: the kids are watching....
Anonymous wrote:Your kids are watching. And what a lot of DCUM posters are teaching their kids is that when a relationship isn’t perfect, walk away.

That is not a lesson I want my kids to internalize.

Not everyone is from the Dottie Sandusky school of maintaining relationships.