I was obsessed with my brother's wife while she was pregnant. I was not yet married but very much wanted children and was just SO pumped. Until his kids were born, I was the youngest in my family (for 29 years!) so it was so super awesome to have babies to coo over.

I really poured every maternal feeling I had into my niece and nephew. I just adored them and wanted them to adore me. I will say it lessened a bit when I had my own kids, though I clearly still adore them. But I had another outlet for all these maternal feelings I had bottled up.

Reading your post made me super glad my brother's wife is awesome and totally welcomed my enthusiasm. I always followed her lead, but she was really wonderful about including me. She really LOVED that I adored her kids so much, because she realized how rare that is. Other people care, but not really. Family is honestly forever.

Don't burn this bridge OP, it sounds like you are on the verge. You will regret it deeply in the years to come if you spurn this affection. Having MORE adults who love your kids is an awesome awesome thing as they get older.

Anonymous wrote:Op here,

I don’t communicate directly with her and I’ve made it clear to my DH that all communication with his family should go directly through him. I love my brother but I don’t have to love and fawn over my SIL and invite her into our lives. It just feels intrusive because I thought I had made it clear my relationship is with my brother, not her.

You're getting crazier. Is this your brother's wife or your DH's brother's wife? Why would you need to make it clear that the relationship is with your brother and not her? Why do you want to distance yourself so desperately?

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

Because she was hardly interested in our lives before LO was born, which was fine by me. I’m close with my brother but not with his wife/SIL.

She didn’t even start really talking to me until the 7 month mark and she texted me the day I went into labor asking how I was feeling. Now it just feels like over compensating for something.

oh so the problem is she didn't sufficiently fawn over you during your pregnancy?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why was she not invited to baby shower? Is there a negative history?

To me it sounds like she is being super nice and supportive. She wants to see her niece/nephew but is waiting until the 6 mo mark which to me shows resepct on her part. Not sure why you are annoyed.

Yep. She sounds excited and respectful. Why exactly are you upset?

Why does it matter that you aren't close to her if your DH is? It's not for you to dictate how excited a sibling should be about their niece/nephew. She asked in advance to visit at an appropriate time. What is wrong with you? Save your energy for real boundary issues.

Op here,

I don’t communicate directly with her and I’ve made it clear to my DH that all communication with his family should go directly through him. I love my brother but I don’t have to love and fawn over my SIL and invite her into our lives. It just feels intrusive because I thought I had made it clear my relationship is with my brother, not her.

Maybe she’s infertile and this is the only chance she’ll have to buy baby items and celebrate a birth. Who knows. I suspect you’re hormonal and this is why it’s bothering you, but you have a lot of people here telling you it’s not something to be annoyed by, so I’m hoping you’ll take that under advisement.

What is it with women on this board treating their brother's wives and gfs like crap? I can't imagine not being invited to a shower.

For now, a quick email thank you for the Amazon gift card and meal delivery is fine. 6 months is a good time for a visit as you'll be back to sleeping a little more and the baby will be more interactive and able to spend time with other people. OP having an interested aunt in your child's (and your) life is awesome! Also, these gifts are a burst of energy around your child's birth. Everything will settle into a more life-as-normal routine over time. Congratulations on your new baby.

Anonymous wrote:She might be excited to start her own family (soon; or maybe newly pregnant not ready to announce) and is distantly living vicariously through you and Dh.

Or she might just be excited to have a niece. OP is upset that her SIL that lives several states away didn't fawn over her when she joined the family, like she is over her newborn niece/nephew, and it's really not a good look. Of course her SIL is excited now, babies are exciting. And any sane person would not expect that same level of excitement/involvement over a sibling's marriage.

Even if she is compensating for lost time, embrace it. Maybe send her a few pictures the baby and some witty comments to lighten the mood and to sort of offer a peace offering and a fresh start. There's nothing wrong with that

She might be excited to start her own family (soon; or maybe newly pregnant not ready to announce) and is distantly living vicariously through you and Dh.

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a jerk, OP.

+1

So you feel slighted by her before and think that she's only interested in your LO. You may be right, but it's still normal behavior on her part to buy all the gifts and the only thing you should do is be gracious about it.

You sound like a jerk, OP.

Op here.

Because she was hardly interested in our lives before LO was born, which was fine by me. I’m close with my brother but not with his wife/SIL.

She didn’t even start really talking to me until the 7 month mark and she texted me the day I went into labor asking how I was feeling. Now it just feels like over compensating for something.