I have a homebody kid. We are focusing as much on a good personal fit as a good academic fit. Probably a smaller LAC. Liberal campus. Looking at a lot of the Ohio LACs as far enough away without being too far. Before he makes a final decision, we are strongly encouraging him to spend the night on campus and attend classes.

She had a difficult time. Just being honest. My other kids were super-excited about college. But my homebody daughter had to be nudged out of the nest a little. She is our smartest kid by far, went to school on a full merit scholarship, and is very mature. But she is also extremely introverted, has an anxiety disorder, and is definitely a homebody. She went to school close to home and that made it even more difficult initially.

She graduated from college three years ago and totally surprised us by accepting a job across the country. She is doing great at adulting now, but college was rough.

It is natural to have some hard times adjusting to college - some. The student is better off committing to the experience, which takes some time, as in a few months.

We were not sure he would be okay being across the country from us, but we thought the college was a good fit. So we agreed SOMEBODY in the family would visit him every month, or he'd come home. We spent a lot of time on the phone his first year.

My daughter didn’t go out much at all in high school, unless you count cast parties twice a year and some birthday overnights with the girls. She isn’t shy but loved being home and always was up for watching a movie with me on a Sat night or having dinner as a family. Her friends were great but they all had busy lives between sports and academics, just like my D, and nobody made plans.

Fast forward to the end of her freshman year at a great fit LAC in Ohio with no Greek life and she is SO happy. We FaceTime once a week but otherwise she has a warm and friendly group who have become like family. I’m shocked that she adjusted so well but I think she found the perfect fit. She likes her roommate a lot but they have different close friends and I think that’s perfect. She’s too far to come home weekends but she wouldn’t want to. I think she just transferred her love of home to her new home at school. Don’t worry OP!

Anonymous wrote:My friend’s DD went home a lot and partly because of that didn’t really make close friends freshman year. Acquaintances sure, but social friends, no. Housing lottery came and no one invited her to be in a group. Entering sophomore year “random” was very hard since everyone hit the ground running with buddies. Her assigned roommate had been a commuter and had friends. Friend’s DD wound up transferring.

My freshman year roommate was a commuter who went home every weekend. It was a bummer but I wound up making friends with other girls in our dorm so it all worked out fine for me. My commuter roommate wound up moving out of the dorms after Christmas break. She couldn't justify the expense of paying for a dorm room if she was going home all the time. Nice girl but she wasn't much into college life.

I've seen other kids who live close enough to go home every weekend if they wanted to but they love staying in their dorm and doing things on campus.

My friend’s DD went home a lot and partly because of that didn’t really make close friends freshman year. Acquaintances sure, but social friends, no. Housing lottery came and no one invited her to be in a group. Entering sophomore year “random” was very hard since everyone hit the ground running with buddies. Her assigned roommate had been a commuter and had friends. Friend’s DD wound up transferring.

Anonymous wrote:I think having, and expressing the expectation that the student should not plan to come home before Thanksgiving is a good one.

Why?

My homebody loves college and has a lot of friends but she also loves to come home for an occasional weekend to spend time with her family. So far during freshman year she came home the last weekend in September to see her little brother off to his first homecoming, four days for fall break middle of October, Thanksgiving, a month in December/January for winter break, a weekend in February just because, a week for spring break in mid-March, four days for Easter break, and then will come home again for the summer once finals are over in mid-May.

I don't see a problem with it whatsoever. I would never put such a weird "you are not to come home until Thanksgiving" expectation on her.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:High school you are stuck going to school with kids who happen to live near you. In college, you go to school with kids who all chose the school/major and presumably have similar interests to you. I'm an introvert and really didn't fit in with kids in my high school, but totally found my people at college. Still not a huge social butterfly, but developed many strong, long term friendships.

+1 This.

I'm hoping for this. I'd like the school to be far enough away that it's not easy to come home but doable once in awhile. Skype idea is a great one.

My son is a bit of a home body but I think he is genuinely going to love living away from home and having some freedom. I think we probably won't see too much of him actually.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think having, and expressing the expectation that the student should not plan to come home before Thanksgiving is a good one.

Why? Every child is different. Mine was perfectly happy coming home for fall break and for Thanksgiving. He also had plenty of friends at school. He just enjoyed seeing his family too.

+1 What a depressing expectation. I am, of course, encouraging my child to get involved in campus life and spend time with her new friends (and she has!) but I want her to know that home and her family are ALWAYS here if she wants/needs them.

Anonymous wrote:I think having, and expressing the expectation that the student should not plan to come home before Thanksgiving is a good one.

Why? Every child is different. Mine was perfectly happy coming home for fall break and for Thanksgiving. He also had plenty of friends at school. He just enjoyed seeing his family too.

I think schools a few hours away are good. Not a commuter school but can come home maybe once a month and all holidays if needed. She can also ask for a single room. Having to live with someone 24/7 is not for everyone.

Maybe the Carolinas,western PA/Ohio, NY?

We looked at Denison. I think that type of school would be great for introvert. They really focus on taking care of the freshman’s well being. Involved professors, a ton of engaging fun activities and clubs. Very low on Greek life.

I think having, and expressing the expectation that the student should not plan to come home before Thanksgiving is a good one.