Anonymous
Post 04/06/2018 17:23     Subject: Don't know what to do about my violent child
Lots of praise.

Lots of sleep.

Lots of exercise (swimming is really amazing for tiring a kid out) and outdoor time. Being outside helps regulate sleep cycles and improve mood.

Some child-directed play every day. 10 minutes in the morning and 10 minutes in the evening where you hand the baby to someone else and play exactly what and how he wants to. There's nothing that the other person can't manage for 10 minutes while you play.

way fewer toys out. I agree with the PP who says to box up at least half and rotate them.

consider cutting back on artificial colors and flavors.

All the books that were suggested are good too.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2018 17:20     Subject: Don't know what to do about my violent child
OP - first, I can tell how stressed out you are and I'm sorry you are going through this.

You need to get a private evaluation - especially so that you can get a proper IEP in place before K.

The licking sounds like a tic. If you get him into psychiatrist/ and or developmental pediatrician, they can prescribe him something to help with that, which can also help with impulsivity- something like tenex/guanfacine, or clonodine. My son has tics and the clonodine helps.

I'm not pushing meds, just saying you need the right professionals in place in case that is the road you consider.

My son has had a lot of same problems as yours, and he has several things going on - ADHD, Anxiety, SPD, Dypraxia and Language disorder (your child is probably not this complex) just letting you know a lot of things can cause a child to hit and act out. They aren't doing it on purpose, they don't have the skills to deal with frustration like their NT peers.

My son uses chewys. They sell a lot of different kinds on amazon, but the heavy duty red ones work best for my son. They help with his tics, and when he's feeling anxious.
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B007C5J1Z6/ref=oh_aui_detailpage_o04_s00?ie=UTF8&th=1

I wonder if your son might be able to use something like this in place of licking things?

Anyway, I know how hard it is to deal with the stress of it all, and that you just want to punish him and hope that works - it doesn't. All the other suggestions here are good - especially the ones about "The Explosive Child".

Best of luck.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2018 17:05     Subject: Re:Don't know what to do about my violent child


OP - You indicated you had a new baby so did some of your son's behavior escalate after the arrival of the baby? You and DH need to be on the same page and may benefit from some professional advice together as a couple to develop a consistent parenting approach. Do you rotate which parent spends time with the new baby so that DS does not think he is not as important. Try and keep a notebook on how his behavior goes at home as you might pick up clues as to when he is likely to get his engines rolling. Does e get outside and get a chance for physical activity after school each day?

Is he really ready to start into a kindergarten program or is there a chance that he might benefit from getting the evaluations done, focusing on getting started with any therapies, counseling and or seeing if medication works. by this I mean would there be even a part or full-time day care program he might attend. Kindergarten is now a very scheduled and academic program in most public schools. Many many argue with this viewpoint, but if he is tired and stressed after a preschool day, how much is he going to benefit from any private therapy (speech for example), counseling, or social skills class after a day in school. And why have him hit kindergarten and soon be known as "the explosive child."If you have the ability to give him time to address the behaviors raise it with the doctors as you get a diagnosis.


Anonymous
Post 04/06/2018 14:07     Subject: Don't know what to do about my violent child
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:A lot of times as parents, we don't realize how much our reactions contribute to these terribly explosive cycles with our children. You should really check out Dr. Dan Shapiro's parenting class. I went and it really changed the way I approach my child... I also took the Unstuck and On Target class at Ivymount... that starts at age 7 though.

I mention the 2 places because I want you to know that this isn't a magic bullet. It takes really hard work to deal with a child that is out of control and triggering all your emotional baggage that you bring to parenting. I had to go through multiple sessions with therapists alone and my child doing it as well. It is work that continues.

Spankings have to stop with a child like this. That doesn't mean that there are no consequences. For my child, the most important thing was having a calm household with predictable routines. We wrote down schedules -- or did picture schedules until he could read. This gave him a sense of control. We let him pick and participate in the schedule as much as possible. We praised every good behavior we possibly could think of. This helped him to feel good about himself. That really matters to kids who get lots of punishment.

Good luck! keep pushing for an evaluation and get into Child Find so you can get an IEP set up for Kindergarten. He is going to need it.


This is all really helpful advice. Thank you. I do think it helps for him to feel in control. I am pretty good about giving him lots of reminders and warnings when we are about to leave the house for example, and that seems to help for the most part. A schedule would probably also help (both of us, really, as I could use some daily organization). I do also think he seeks praise. Often, he will ask at the end of the day if he was good that day. It breaks my heart. We did get another appointment scheduled for Tuesday at a well reviewed center. I'll look up Child Find as well as the parent classes you suggested. Thanks again!


In addition to schedules, I would also encourage choices instead of orders - do you want to wear the green shirt or the blue shirt? do you want me to dress you or do you want to get dressed yourself? instead of get dressed! It can be a bit challenging to always come up with choices on the fly, but it gets easier the more you do it.

Also, including kids in the household jobs can keep them from being disruptive. My ADHD kid loved to help me cook at a young age. It really provides a lot of self-esteem. Was I good today? Can be answered with - yes, you helped me collect the trash (or whatever).
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2018 13:47     Subject: Don't know what to do about my violent child
Anonymous wrote:A lot of times as parents, we don't realize how much our reactions contribute to these terribly explosive cycles with our children. You should really check out Dr. Dan Shapiro's parenting class. I went and it really changed the way I approach my child... I also took the Unstuck and On Target class at Ivymount... that starts at age 7 though.

I mention the 2 places because I want you to know that this isn't a magic bullet. It takes really hard work to deal with a child that is out of control and triggering all your emotional baggage that you bring to parenting. I had to go through multiple sessions with therapists alone and my child doing it as well. It is work that continues.

Spankings have to stop with a child like this. That doesn't mean that there are no consequences. For my child, the most important thing was having a calm household with predictable routines. We wrote down schedules -- or did picture schedules until he could read. This gave him a sense of control. We let him pick and participate in the schedule as much as possible. We praised every good behavior we possibly could think of. This helped him to feel good about himself. That really matters to kids who get lots of punishment.

Good luck! keep pushing for an evaluation and get into Child Find so you can get an IEP set up for Kindergarten. He is going to need it.


This is all really helpful advice. Thank you. I do think it helps for him to feel in control. I am pretty good about giving him lots of reminders and warnings when we are about to leave the house for example, and that seems to help for the most part. A schedule would probably also help (both of us, really, as I could use some daily organization). I do also think he seeks praise. Often, he will ask at the end of the day if he was good that day. It breaks my heart. We did get another appointment scheduled for Tuesday at a well reviewed center. I'll look up Child Find as well as the parent classes you suggested. Thanks again!
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2018 13:32     Subject: Re:Don't know what to do about my violent child
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Any tics or obsessions? Look into PANS/PANDAS - and best of luck. I know you're in a tough spot.


Yes. Definitely. We have seen the Children's neurology team and they weren't terribly concerned but this was about a year ago now and his tics hadn't gone on for that long. He used to have an ear tugging thing... that passed but now lately he has to constantly lick his fingers and even other things, and we are approaching a health crisis with the licking. A lot of it is to get our attention since he knows we are quite opposed to this habit ("Mommy I licked the bottom of my shoe!") but you can tell that most of it is involuntary. Probably about time we revisited the neurologist. He was actually assessed by a nurse on the team but not sure that makes a huge difference. The doctor had a months-long wait.


I don't think this sounds like ADHD, OP. I'm sorry you're dealing with this, but (facing a potential ADHD situation with my kid, and others I know of) hitting at that age and the licking is not in line with ADHD symptoms, for the most part.


I disagree with you, PP. First of all a lot of kids with ADHD have sensory-related issues and licking, besides being impulsive, is pretty classic. Hitting is also not only an impulse control issue but a sign of frustration, which is commonly caused by attention issues. In sum, it sounds very much like ADHD, which doesn't mean there are not other things going on as well.


+1. I don't think the PP knows much about ADHD. Hitting (especially at that age) is very common for combined type ADHD. It's an impulse control thing, mostly. The licking can also be related to impulse control, and/or can be related to sensory things at that age. My ADHD kid at that age ate freakin' everything. He would chew through his shirts like crazy -- they looked like lace.
For the licking, there might be some simple things that would help, like chewable necklaces (they make dog tag style ones or boys, or ones with animals on them); chewing gum; etc. Chewing is a more common problem than licking, but I assume they are similar or related.
I also think the one or more of the basic ADHD books might be helpful in learning how to solve problems before they start.
I'll also give my 2 cents which is that, especially for ADHD combined type boys, the ages 4-5 are really the worst. They are big and strong and people expect them not to do the things that toddlers do anymore, but the impulse control is basically at toddler level (as it usually lags about 2 years in ADHD combined kids), and even the "smart" ones don't really have the cognitive skills to analyze their own behavior yet. When they get a smidge older, you can have some real success with cognitive behavior therapy and books, where the kids helps to figure out why they do the things they do, why it's a problem and what they can do to stop it.
In the meantime, do you know what the triggers for the hitting are? Some possibilities are: (1) just likes the physical contact; (2) overwhelmed by other kids' presence near him; (3) generally wound up and over-stimulated; (4) frustrated by something like a kid that has a toy he wants. Each would require a different solution.


Thanks, PP. Your suggestions are helpful for the licking issue. I'll try maybe offering something (like a necklace) designated for licking. Knowing him he'll still lick other things to get a rise out of us. But it can't hurt.

He hits when he is angry/frustrated/senses you aren't listening/if someone interrupts him (this is a huge trigger!!!), that kind of thing. Overstimulation also makes him act a little wild and rough but he doesn't hit to hurt in these instances... he is just rough, like with his baby brother - dangerously so sometimes.

As for the hitting


Sorry... my reply got cut off. I was saying - as for the hitting, he generally does this out of anger or frustration, or when someone interrupts him, which is a huge trigger. When he is overstimulated, he can be very rough but doesn't hit to hurt in these instances.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2018 13:30     Subject: Re:Don't know what to do about my violent child
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Any tics or obsessions? Look into PANS/PANDAS - and best of luck. I know you're in a tough spot.


Yes. Definitely. We have seen the Children's neurology team and they weren't terribly concerned but this was about a year ago now and his tics hadn't gone on for that long. He used to have an ear tugging thing... that passed but now lately he has to constantly lick his fingers and even other things, and we are approaching a health crisis with the licking. A lot of it is to get our attention since he knows we are quite opposed to this habit ("Mommy I licked the bottom of my shoe!") but you can tell that most of it is involuntary. Probably about time we revisited the neurologist. He was actually assessed by a nurse on the team but not sure that makes a huge difference. The doctor had a months-long wait.


I don't think this sounds like ADHD, OP. I'm sorry you're dealing with this, but (facing a potential ADHD situation with my kid, and others I know of) hitting at that age and the licking is not in line with ADHD symptoms, for the most part.


I disagree with you, PP. First of all a lot of kids with ADHD have sensory-related issues and licking, besides being impulsive, is pretty classic. Hitting is also not only an impulse control issue but a sign of frustration, which is commonly caused by attention issues. In sum, it sounds very much like ADHD, which doesn't mean there are not other things going on as well.


+1. I don't think the PP knows much about ADHD. Hitting (especially at that age) is very common for combined type ADHD. It's an impulse control thing, mostly. The licking can also be related to impulse control, and/or can be related to sensory things at that age. My ADHD kid at that age ate freakin' everything. He would chew through his shirts like crazy -- they looked like lace.
For the licking, there might be some simple things that would help, like chewable necklaces (they make dog tag style ones or boys, or ones with animals on them); chewing gum; etc. Chewing is a more common problem than licking, but I assume they are similar or related.
I also think the one or more of the basic ADHD books might be helpful in learning how to solve problems before they start.
I'll also give my 2 cents which is that, especially for ADHD combined type boys, the ages 4-5 are really the worst. They are big and strong and people expect them not to do the things that toddlers do anymore, but the impulse control is basically at toddler level (as it usually lags about 2 years in ADHD combined kids), and even the "smart" ones don't really have the cognitive skills to analyze their own behavior yet. When they get a smidge older, you can have some real success with cognitive behavior therapy and books, where the kids helps to figure out why they do the things they do, why it's a problem and what they can do to stop it.
In the meantime, do you know what the triggers for the hitting are? Some possibilities are: (1) just likes the physical contact; (2) overwhelmed by other kids' presence near him; (3) generally wound up and over-stimulated; (4) frustrated by something like a kid that has a toy he wants. Each would require a different solution.


Thanks, PP. Your suggestions are helpful for the licking issue. I'll try maybe offering something (like a necklace) designated for licking. Knowing him he'll still lick other things to get a rise out of us. But it can't hurt.

He hits when he is angry/frustrated/senses you aren't listening/if someone interrupts him (this is a huge trigger!!!), that kind of thing. Overstimulation also makes him act a little wild and rough but he doesn't hit to hurt in these instances... he is just rough, like with his baby brother - dangerously so sometimes.

As for the hitting
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2018 13:27     Subject: Don't know what to do about my violent child

I STRONGLY suggest getting a diagnosis before entering elementary and asking for an IEP (individualized education plan) which will guarantee services and accommodations in public school (private schools will perhaps not be able to accommodate his needs right now). Otherwise he'll be treated like a hooligan. MCPS, for example, has behavioral programs they can place him in, if worst comes to worst.

Hurry, the best psychologist practices have waiting lists. I recommend Stixrud. It's very expensive, but worth every penny, because they are very thorough.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2018 13:26     Subject: Don't know what to do about my violent child
A lot of times as parents, we don't realize how much our reactions contribute to these terribly explosive cycles with our children. You should really check out Dr. Dan Shapiro's parenting class. I went and it really changed the way I approach my child... I also took the Unstuck and On Target class at Ivymount... that starts at age 7 though.

I mention the 2 places because I want you to know that this isn't a magic bullet. It takes really hard work to deal with a child that is out of control and triggering all your emotional baggage that you bring to parenting. I had to go through multiple sessions with therapists alone and my child doing it as well. It is work that continues.

Spankings have to stop with a child like this. That doesn't mean that there are no consequences. For my child, the most important thing was having a calm household with predictable routines. We wrote down schedules -- or did picture schedules until he could read. This gave him a sense of control. We let him pick and participate in the schedule as much as possible. We praised every good behavior we possibly could think of. This helped him to feel good about himself. That really matters to kids who get lots of punishment.

Good luck! keep pushing for an evaluation and get into Child Find so you can get an IEP set up for Kindergarten. He is going to need it.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2018 13:25     Subject: Re:Don't know what to do about my violent child
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Any tics or obsessions? Look into PANS/PANDAS - and best of luck. I know you're in a tough spot.


Yes. Definitely. We have seen the Children's neurology team and they weren't terribly concerned but this was about a year ago now and his tics hadn't gone on for that long. He used to have an ear tugging thing... that passed but now lately he has to constantly lick his fingers and even other things, and we are approaching a health crisis with the licking. A lot of it is to get our attention since he knows we are quite opposed to this habit ("Mommy I licked the bottom of my shoe!") but you can tell that most of it is involuntary. Probably about time we revisited the neurologist. He was actually assessed by a nurse on the team but not sure that makes a huge difference. The doctor had a months-long wait.


I don't think this sounds like ADHD, OP. I'm sorry you're dealing with this, but (facing a potential ADHD situation with my kid, and others I know of) hitting at that age and the licking is not in line with ADHD symptoms, for the most part.


I disagree with you, PP. First of all a lot of kids with ADHD have sensory-related issues and licking, besides being impulsive, is pretty classic. Hitting is also not only an impulse control issue but a sign of frustration, which is commonly caused by attention issues. In sum, it sounds very much like ADHD, which doesn't mean there are not other things going on as well.


OP here. There are a lot of other things going on that lead me to believe ADHD is in the mix. Some more "classic" symptoms - extreme difficulties listening/redirecting behavior, etc - that kind of stuff. Also problematic to be sure, but not at the top of my list...
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2018 13:23     Subject: Don't know what to do about my violent child
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I'm at my wit's end... spent the morning sobbing in my car.

I have an almost 5 year old son (also recently had a second child in December, and that's when things REALLY took a turn - not that things weren't extremely difficult before) who does not know how to control his anger. We haven't gotten a diagnosis yet - we are dealing with more than just lashing out and I think ADHD is at least part of what we are dealing with. My son just cannot control his impulses, the most problematic being his hitting/physical aggression. For a long time I took a little bit of solace in the fact that (I thought) he was just lashing out like this at home with us, but I'm hearing more and more about him doing so in school. He is in his last year of preschool and I'm sure this will only become a larger problem if it continues in K, which at this rate, I'm sure it will to some degree. This morning his teacher came to me and said he's been hitting pretty much daily, and that students and parents are complaining. I had no idea it had gotten so bad. His teacher is sweet and feel bad telling me these things on a daily basis but this is something I NEED to know on a daily basis so I can discipline my child appropriately.

I'm not sure if this goes on in school but he has also taken to calling us stupid pretty regularly and saying things like "I want you to die." Also unacceptable, but right now I want to focus on the hitting.

Anyway, I just don't have any idea what to do. I'm looking for advice. I know we could also be better as parents... there is a lot of yelling in the house lately. He has gotten spanked before for major transgressions but I 100% realize this sends the wrong message and really try to not let things go there. Our main go-to is taking toys away, but he has so much crap that it doesn't really make an impact beyond the first 5 minutes of being without the toy. Time outs don't really help much. Sometimes he just laughs as we are trying to implement some punishment, or continues to try to push buttons.

We are on the waiting list for a center for behavior and anxiety but we have as much as 2 more months before we will get an appt.

In the meantime, I need help. What would you do?


Are you in public school? If your child does have ADHD or some other issue that is "adversely impacting his education," you may be able to get support via an IEP or 504 plan. By definition, a kid who is hitting other kids on the regular is "adversely impacting" his own education - he is probably being regularly pulled away for school work or sent to the principal or another teacher's room for discipline. The school is obliged to do an assessment if you make a request for an IEP in writing. Part of that assessment should be an FBA -- functional behavioral assessment - where somebody observes him and tries to identify what the triggers for disruptive behavior are so they can be addressed.

You may instead want to get a private assessment with a neuropsych. 5 is a bit young for the kind of ADHD testing that is computerized, usually 6 is the lowest age. But, a neuropsychologist assessment would probably identify some attention issues if they are there, just by observation. It would also rule out other causes of disruption (emotional issues like anxiety or academic problems that may be the root of acting out.)


Thank you for the suggestion (someone else suggested too) about getting moving on the IEP/504. You're right. I want to make sure that's in place when he starts school this fall. We just got an appointment someplace else - Behavior Therapy Center of Greater Washington.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2018 13:19     Subject: Don't know what to do about my violent child
Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry OP. It sounds like you are dealing with a lot. while you wait, and I agree it's a good idea to get your ped involved to try you to get an eval more quickly, can you read the Kadzin Method? It's basically about lots and lots of positive reinforcement. My oldest quite like this for a while after his sibling was born. It's so hard. Try to give him as much 1:1 time and love and encouragement as you can even if it feels like the last thing her deserves.


Thanks, I will read this. I've heard the name thrown around but know nothing about it.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2018 13:18     Subject: Re:Don't know what to do about my violent child
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Any tics or obsessions? Look into PANS/PANDAS - and best of luck. I know you're in a tough spot.


Yes. Definitely. We have seen the Children's neurology team and they weren't terribly concerned but this was about a year ago now and his tics hadn't gone on for that long. He used to have an ear tugging thing... that passed but now lately he has to constantly lick his fingers and even other things, and we are approaching a health crisis with the licking. A lot of it is to get our attention since he knows we are quite opposed to this habit ("Mommy I licked the bottom of my shoe!") but you can tell that most of it is involuntary. Probably about time we revisited the neurologist. He was actually assessed by a nurse on the team but not sure that makes a huge difference. The doctor had a months-long wait.


I don't think this sounds like ADHD, OP. I'm sorry you're dealing with this, but (facing a potential ADHD situation with my kid, and others I know of) hitting at that age and the licking is not in line with ADHD symptoms, for the most part.


I disagree with you, PP. First of all a lot of kids with ADHD have sensory-related issues and licking, besides being impulsive, is pretty classic. Hitting is also not only an impulse control issue but a sign of frustration, which is commonly caused by attention issues. In sum, it sounds very much like ADHD, which doesn't mean there are not other things going on as well.


+1. I don't think the PP knows much about ADHD. Hitting (especially at that age) is very common for combined type ADHD. It's an impulse control thing, mostly. The licking can also be related to impulse control, and/or can be related to sensory things at that age. My ADHD kid at that age ate freakin' everything. He would chew through his shirts like crazy -- they looked like lace.
For the licking, there might be some simple things that would help, like chewable necklaces (they make dog tag style ones or boys, or ones with animals on them); chewing gum; etc. Chewing is a more common problem than licking, but I assume they are similar or related.
I also think the one or more of the basic ADHD books might be helpful in learning how to solve problems before they start.
I'll also give my 2 cents which is that, especially for ADHD combined type boys, the ages 4-5 are really the worst. They are big and strong and people expect them not to do the things that toddlers do anymore, but the impulse control is basically at toddler level (as it usually lags about 2 years in ADHD combined kids), and even the "smart" ones don't really have the cognitive skills to analyze their own behavior yet. When they get a smidge older, you can have some real success with cognitive behavior therapy and books, where the kids helps to figure out why they do the things they do, why it's a problem and what they can do to stop it.
In the meantime, do you know what the triggers for the hitting are? Some possibilities are: (1) just likes the physical contact; (2) overwhelmed by other kids' presence near him; (3) generally wound up and over-stimulated; (4) frustrated by something like a kid that has a toy he wants. Each would require a different solution.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2018 13:13     Subject: Don't know what to do about my violent child
Immediately pack away at least half his toys and put them in a rotational system. He should just have a few available to play with at any time. Cleaner and also makes taking them away more effective.
Anonymous
Post 04/06/2018 13:01     Subject: Don't know what to do about my violent child
Anonymous wrote:You admitted your parenting techniques are not that strong (spanking, ineffective toy taking away, etc.). Please consider enrolling in a PEP class. http://pepparent.org/classes-programs/class-schedule/

But, with an ADHD child, inappropriate behavior is not all about parenting skill. I have an ADHD kid, and I found that along with ADHD came significant weaknesses in both receptive/expressive language and social pragmatic language. It is very common for ADHD kids to have other issues in addition to ADHD. For example, a big part of why my kid had difficult getting along with teachers and peers is that he didn't always understand what they were saying and/or he couldn't really make himself understood. It was a subtle problem because he talked, but if you listened carefully to what he said, he was often off topic or not responding on point to questions, which frustrated his listeners. Because of his language weaknesses, he had great difficulty negotiating conflict in even the simplest verbal way, so he used other techniques like interrupting, being imperious, getting emotionally upset or angry, refusing to cooperate, and, sometimes, getting physical.

Speech therapy for both oral and pragmatic language was helpful. If you haven't already done it, I encourage you to get a speech and language assessment from a qualified SLP. IME, speech/language assessment from the neuropsych isn't as good. Even though they may use the same tests, their analysis of the error patterns is not as good as that of an SLP.

A full neuropsych evaluation is also helpful to see if there are any other issues. My DS has slow processing in addition to a diagnosed language disorder. This slow processing means that he has a difficult time keeping up conversationally, which is a root cause of what appears to be "impulsivity". He impulsively interrupts because he is often late processing in a conversation, so while everyone else has moved on a topic or two, he has only just figured out how to respond to what was said 3 points ago. He also knows if he doesn't blurt it out, he will forget it. He can't remember what he wants to say, and also process the ongoing conversation, and also figure out when or how to bring the conversation back to what he wanted to say 5 minutes ago.


Thank you. We could absolutely benefit from one of these classes. I'll look into it. I know I have some anger management issues myself that I need to work on. I'm sure it doesn't help the situation when I have trouble controlling my own anger and when I respond in such a way that validates his own bad behavior (like spanking or yelling loudly when I tell him not to yell). Is the speech therapy so that he is better able to express himself? His vocabulary is above average and he communicates very well when he's not lashing out. Still I'm willing to look into it.