Anonymous wrote:I'm right there with you, OP. Been married 10 years, 2 very young kids, and I work about 55 hours per week. DH does a lot with the kids and around the house but I'm continually tired and stressed out. I was probably low-to-average drive before kids, and now it's basically gone. It sucks. I feel so guilty about it.

So, no advice. Just commiseration.

How does your DH feel about it? If you don't solve the problem he will solve it elsewhere.

I'm right there with you, OP. Been married 10 years, 2 very young kids, and I work about 55 hours per week. DH does a lot with the kids and around the house but I'm continually tired and stressed out. I was probably low-to-average drive before kids, and now it's basically gone. It sucks. I feel so guilty about it.

So, no advice. Just commiseration.

Have you read Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Are? One thing she discusses is that women tend to have a more reactive sex drive — we don’t sit there and just get turned on the way men do, it’s usually in the context of things already getting sexy. So building in time to your schedule when you can want it helps.

You might get a better response in the health forum.

any women tried testorone cream? I know some drs will prescribe it off label. Hard to get the dosing right so it doesn't masculinize you but some women swear it was life changing for them.

My DH and I have been married over 30 years and except for just before and after childbirth I don't believe we've ever gone over two weeks without sex. Right now we average 1-2 times a week (did it last night) and that's been our average ever since we had children. Even before that 3x was likely our high point. We've always been very good friends and he's always been very helpful around the house so I can't give him any grief on that issue. We've both stayed in pretty good shape and my DH has always been affectionate and loving so sex isn't the only time I feel loved. So, I think desire comes from friendship, sharing and that sex is just part of that. If you're not friends and rowing in the same boat I can see why their would be a lack of desire. For me sex is about making love, not just getting laid regardless of how much I enjoy getting laid.

The Coolidge effect is real, yo

This is what I found after 10+ years of marriage. Apart from all other marital duties, sex is a part of marriage that absolutely cannot abide any sort of compulsion. Yes, you can guilt-trip your spouse into duty sex with you, but the overall health of your sex life will suffer.

Here are the two guidelines that help us to have it sort of hot:

- accept that as time goes on, there will be ebb and flow in your desire for each other. Regardless of what DCUM tells you, it is perfectly normal for loving couples to take a break from sex for a few weeks or even months, and then come together again with a renewed passion for each other.

- accept that it is better to have less sex of good quality than more bad sex. The key to achieving this is somewhat counter-intuitive, but it is maintaining a level of excitement without bringing it to climax every time, and having generally less sex than we would like. Sexy thoughts, a bit of foreplay, flirtation, some fondling here and there but without expectation that it will lead to intercourse. This can go on for days. Then when we finally have it, it's mind blowing.

Also, if you have young kids, it's normal that you forget about sex for a few months. It just is.

Anonymous wrote:What was your sex drive like pre-kids? It seems like a lot of low-average sex drive people become low drive post kids.

I had a VERY HIGH sex drive before kids. I wanted it more than all my friends and boyfriends (except for DH).. now I would be happy with once a week.

Same here, mid 30s; 2 kids; work 40-45 hours a week.
DH does help out but i still handle drop off/pick up (due to location of work to school); grocery shopping, cooking, purchasing items for the home; laundry for me and the kids; play dates; birthday parties; etc etc.
He does take the kids to the park so i can have a little downtime on the weekend and does dishes, garbage, mow, snow removal etc. but at the end of the day I just don't feel like puting effort into one more thing after the kids are in bed.

I am much more likely to want it on my lunch break so that has helped us. While we have sex 1-2 times weekly, at least a couple times a month we meet up during lunch and it is SOOO much better/nicer. No worrying about the kids waking up, no wanting to get to sleep, a bit of excitement for midday sex and a way to get out of hte office as a motivator!

Other than that, i have no desire at nights or the mornings so i guess my only tip is find a time that 'inspires' you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What was your sex drive like pre-kids? It seems like a lot of low-average sex drive people become low drive post kids.

Yep, they had sex more because they knew it would trap the target. It's not hard to figure out when some one prioritizes the house cleaning over the marriage.

OP here.
I don’t WANT to feel like this, believe me. It causes me a lot of guilt and anxiety.

OP, ignore the bitter MRA loser. You're being honest and you are not alone.

erotica, but honestly, most times I find my Os are more powerful if I handle it myself.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What was your sex drive like pre-kids? It seems like a lot of low-average sex drive people become low drive post kids.

Yep, they had sex more because they knew it would trap the target. It's not hard to figure out when some one prioritizes the house cleaning over the marriage.

OP here.
I don’t WANT to feel like this, believe me. It causes me a lot of guilt and anxiety.

Anonymous wrote:What was your sex drive like pre-kids? It seems like a lot of low-average sex drive people become low drive post kids.

Probably more like 2-3x a week. Plus I actually wanted to do it back then while now it is a chore for me to check off my to do list.

Anonymous wrote:What was your sex drive like pre-kids? It seems like a lot of low-average sex drive people become low drive post kids.

Yep, they had sex more because they knew it would trap the target. It's not hard to figure out when some one prioritizes the house cleaning over the marriage.