What's the average on sex for married people say in their 40s or 50s? Once a month? Twice a month?

Anonymous wrote:Should a wife take her husband to the doctor because he isn't living up to his expectations of the marriage? Doing his share of cooking, cleaning, finances and kids. It's no different.

Sure you want to go down that road? If he is obliged to live up to her expectations, she is obliged to live up to his. For example, on-demand porn-star quality sex and daily BJs.

Try this: go one YouTube and study some clips on how to give a relaxing massage. Then one weekend, see if you can unload the kids for a night. Take your wife to her favorite restaurant or make her favorite meal. Ask her questions about things in her life or her interests and listen to her responses. Suggest a movie in bed or maybe a favorite tv show. When the show is done, say something like: hey, it's been a long week. Why don't I give you a back rub? Then take the coconut oil you bought earlier in the week, out of the hot water you have been warming it with and apply a little to her bare back. If she gets nervous, show her it's just coconut oil and it's good for her skin. Take your time and get her entire back, shoulders and arms. Pay attention to her body as it will tell you when to rub harder or when it's too hard. You can start by just pushing her shirt up on her back but eventually, ask she relaxes and is more comfortable and as you want to get to her shoulders, the shirt should come off. As you wrap things up on her back, make sure to finish in the lower back area and start working the upper buttocks (stay clear of the crack). Slowly, gently work off her bottoms and massage her ass checks but, again, stay clear of anything that could be perceived as sexual. Got all the way down to her feet, applying the oil as needed. Also, make sure the room is warm enough that she will be comfortable, not cold, naked. When you work her thighs, don't attempt to graze, touch or even tease her pussy. After you have really worked the feet, ask her to turn over and work your way up, again, avoiding the pussy. Massaging the boobs is ok, just don't give any special attention to the nipple. You can also YouTube boob massages to learn the difference between a sexual massage and a relaxing massage. Make sure you get all the way to the fingers and hands. When you finish, pull the sheet up over her, get back in bed and ask her to rest her head on your chest. Then give her a facial massage (no oil here, use a towel to wipe any excess from your hands prior to starting. When you finish, ask if that was ok and then ask if there is anything else she wants to watch.

At this point, she will be amazed that you have spent that much time touching her without pushing for sex. She may think "he finally gets me". She may get turned on and jump your ones. But most likely, she'll be skeptical. It's important for a woman to know you can touch her and she can touch you and it doesn't have to lead to sex or a fight about sex.

If she brings up sex at the end, just answer, you know I love to have sex/make love with you but don't feel obligated. I know you had a long week and I just wanted you to feel good.

For many women who have lost their way, something like this can renew a spark, make them look at you differently. Where the majority of what she normally sees after 15-20 years together is the things that annoy her, now she sees the reason she fell in love, the reason she married you. It make take another session for her to believe it wasn't just a ploy to get in her pants (of course it was) but it will be worth the investment if you can jumpstart her libido.

Remember this doesn't mean the the next night you are sitting in bed naked with your arms folded behind your head and porn on the tv, screaming "my turn tonight" the minute she emerges from the bathroom.

If a wife doesn't want to have frequent sex with her husband that is ok, but she should allow him to have sex with other women

Anonymous wrote:I think a lot of the meds middle aged women take destroy their sex drive. Proton pump inhibitors (Nexium and the like) that create mineral deficiencies of things like zinc and magnesium - which are critical for sexual health, SSRIs, birth control pills to regulate crazy perimenopause cycles...the list goes on.

I know you mean well, but honestly by middle age many women are over it. Nothing to do with pills etc. Most of the women I talked to rather do other things, or aren't as attracted to their partners because of aging. Some have resentments, but have to stay married. Many are tired of the pressure to have to please one more person at the end of the day.
Should a wife take her husband to the doctor because he isn't living up to his expectations of the marriage? Doing his share of cooking, cleaning, finances and kids. It's no different.

Anonymous wrote:It’s the 20th century the phenomenon of expecting “young sex” well into your middle age took off. Historically, this was never the case. You would have sex relatively young in order to procreation. You would use youthful passion to create a family. In your middle aged you’d expect sex to slow down and take backstage importance as your kids grow up and have kids of their own. There was a sense that things come with a season of life. In past times ageing, including hormonal and thus sexual ageing, was accepted as normal part of life. Today people expect to have repeat experiences of a 20-year -old and priorities are totally messed up. Hence, so many threads about sex by middle-aged people. Instead of accepting a companionate marriage in middle age many are willing to divorce and cheat in a fruitless attempt to capture passions of youth.

Historically, men would have mistresses.......Just sayin'

I think you are misinterpreting it. Being okay to never have sex again and actually having sex and enjoying it has nothing to do with each other. All it means that is not that high on the priority list. It's not all or nothing. It's like I will be okay never eating meat again, even though I like meat and enjoy it.

I'm with your wife. DH is more or less okay with sex once a month or so. We're older and comfy with our relationship.

My wife told me exactly this about a year ago. We are early 50s. Sex 3-4 times since. It sucks

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's been said many times on here. Men need sex to feel an emotional connection. Women need an emotional connection to desire sex.

When you have young children, you are drained at the end of the day. There is nothing left to feel an emotional connection with. You just want to go to bed and get some sleep before doing it again the next day.

WOW ive actually never seen this put so succinctly before but YES. Yes yes yes THAT is it

It has been said many times but it is stupid.

"Women need an emotional connection to desire sex." -- uh huh. That is why, as a man, you could not go to a bar this weekend and find a woman willing to have sex with you without even knowing your name, let alone having an "emotional connection" with you.

The fact of the matter is, these wives DO have an emotional connection with their husbands. How could they not? They've known the guy for years, live with him, and had his kids.

The problem with these women is not a lack of emotional connection, but the fact that THEY ARE BORED. This is natural enough. In many cases, their husbands are fat, boring, and lazy, so it is no surprise their wives are bored. Assuming this is not the case, the OP has three choices -- divorce, cheat on her, or put up with decades of dead bedroom. You will soon notice, however, that "talking to her" about it (or even worse, going to some stupid, expensive therapist) is not going to reignite her passion, so don't waste your time with that.

You are still better off talking about this issue directly before it grows too big to tackle, but sex is a subject many people are uncomfortable talking about

Anonymous wrote:This is totally normal. Read about biology and drop your romance novels and sex magazines. Sheesh.

Exactly. Or talk to your wife’s gyn/doctor. Completely normal. Realize that pair bonds did not last long because humans did not live that long for most of human history.

It’s the 20th century the phenomenon of expecting “young sex” well into your middle age took off. Historically, this was never the case. You would have sex relatively young in order to procreation. You would use youthful passion to create a family. In your middle aged you’d expect sex to slow down and take backstage importance as your kids grow up and have kids of their own. There was a sense that things come with a season of life. In past times ageing, including hormonal and thus sexual ageing, was accepted as normal part of life. Today people expect to have repeat experiences of a 20-year -old and priorities are totally messed up. Hence, so many threads about sex by middle-aged people. Instead of accepting a companionate marriage in middle age many are willing to divorce and cheat in a fruitless attempt to capture passions of youth.

Read Mating in Captivity

This is totally normal. Read about biology and drop your romance novels and sex magazines. Sheesh.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: I honestly wonder: is it that people who feel like this don't want to have sex with their HUSBANDS, or do they seriously feel zero sexual desire at all?

99% of the time it is lack of desire for their husbands. They have plenty of desire for their affair partner or for a new boyfriend after a divorce.

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