Anonymous
03/25/2018 23:06
Subject: Maternal grandparent advantage
Anonymous wrote:People always come on these posts to present their anecdata that is counter to the trend cited in the research. The subject seems to make people really defensive. I have only sons and this is the exact reason I wanted a daughter. I love my boys, but I don't assume that I will be as involved in their families' lives when they're older and married as I would be in a daughter's. My experience is consistent with the article - most of the families I know are closer to the wife's parents than the husband's.
+1, same here
Anonymous
03/25/2018 22:57
Subject: Maternal grandparent advantage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It drives me so nuts that this is all focused on the dil, where is the son!? If he’s failing to organize the visits and creates the closeness it’s somehow his wife’s fault that she does better by her family than he does by his?
Most women are more social and better at maintaining and organizing relationships than most men (obviously this is not true for all women or all men). That's a big part of why their families end up getting more time.
That’s a cop out.
You’re telling me a man doesn’t know how to invite his mom over? He doesn’t know how to ask to visit?
He doesn’t eat? He can’t point to a calendar and say “I will eat with my mom on this day”?
It's not that they "can't." It's that they *don't.* I chat on the phone with my mom once a week or so, and text more frequently. Most men I know don't do that with either of their parents. My husband is actually very social and chats with his mom from time to time, and makes arrangements with his family, but most of the men I know (including my brother) do not.
I’m give you that. But that’s sill doesn’t answer how this is the DIL fault?
I don't think it's the DIL's fault at all. I think it's the son's fault. But the end result is the same: the wife's family ends up getting more access in many cases. I was speaking to why the focus is on the wife - it's because women run their families' social calendars in many cases (because their husbands don't bother) and are closer to their own families than to their husbands' families. It is what it is.
Now if we could just get the MILs of DILs to understand this! If mothers of sons could learn to appreciate this, and their DILs, appreciate the time they get, they would probably find their DILs finding ways to make more time for them.
Anonymous
03/25/2018 22:46
Subject: Maternal grandparent advantage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It drives me so nuts that this is all focused on the dil, where is the son!? If he’s failing to organize the visits and creates the closeness it’s somehow his wife’s fault that she does better by her family than he does by his?
Most women are more social and better at maintaining and organizing relationships than most men (obviously this is not true for all women or all men). That's a big part of why their families end up getting more time.
That’s a cop out.
You’re telling me a man doesn’t know how to invite his mom over? He doesn’t know how to ask to visit?
He doesn’t eat? He can’t point to a calendar and say “I will eat with my mom on this day”?
It's not that they "can't." It's that they *don't.* I chat on the phone with my mom once a week or so, and text more frequently. Most men I know don't do that with either of their parents. My husband is actually very social and chats with his mom from time to time, and makes arrangements with his family, but most of the men I know (including my brother) do not.
I’m give you that. But that’s sill doesn’t answer how this is the DIL fault?
I don't think it's the DIL's fault at all. I think it's the son's fault. But the end result is the same: the wife's family ends up getting more access in many cases. I was speaking to why the focus is on the wife - it's because women run their families' social calendars in many cases (because their husbands don't bother) and are closer to their own families than to their husbands' families. It is what it is.
Anonymous
03/25/2018 22:39
Subject: Maternal grandparent advantage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It drives me so nuts that this is all focused on the dil, where is the son!? If he’s failing to organize the visits and creates the closeness it’s somehow his wife’s fault that she does better by her family than he does by his?
Most women are more social and better at maintaining and organizing relationships than most men (obviously this is not true for all women or all men). That's a big part of why their families end up getting more time.
That’s a cop out.
You’re telling me a man doesn’t know how to invite his mom over? He doesn’t know how to ask to visit?
He doesn’t eat? He can’t point to a calendar and say “I will eat with my mom on this day”?
Guys just don't care the same. Dh doesn't want to talk to his parents daily. He calls his dad once a week and they don't really discuss family things. They talk about sports or politics. His mom wants him to call daily with specifics about our kids, which is what I like to talk to my mom about.
Anonymous
03/25/2018 22:39
Subject: Maternal grandparent advantage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It drives me so nuts that this is all focused on the dil, where is the son!? If he’s failing to organize the visits and creates the closeness it’s somehow his wife’s fault that she does better by her family than he does by his?
Most women are more social and better at maintaining and organizing relationships than most men (obviously this is not true for all women or all men). That's a big part of why their families end up getting more time.
That’s a cop out.
You’re telling me a man doesn’t know how to invite his mom over? He doesn’t know how to ask to visit?
He doesn’t eat? He can’t point to a calendar and say “I will eat with my mom on this day”?
It's not that they "can't." It's that they *don't.* I chat on the phone with my mom once a week or so, and text more frequently. Most men I know don't do that with either of their parents. My husband is actually very social and chats with his mom from time to time, and makes arrangements with his family, but most of the men I know (including my brother) do not.
I’m give you that. But that’s sill doesn’t answer how this is the DIL fault?
Anonymous
03/25/2018 22:35
Subject: Maternal grandparent advantage
Anonymous wrote:It drives me so nuts that this is all focused on the dil, where is the son!? If he’s failing to organize the visits and creates the closeness it’s somehow his wife’s fault that she does better by her family than he does by his?
Thiiiiiis.
Anonymous
03/25/2018 22:35
Subject: Maternal grandparent advantage
I'm not sure why this is article-worthy. Actually, I am... clicks.
The majority of women have a closer tie to their own parents than their in-laws. This is a no brainer.
The majority of women have a closer tie to their own parents than their in-laws. This is a no brainer.
Anonymous
03/25/2018 22:33
Subject: Maternal grandparent advantage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It drives me so nuts that this is all focused on the dil, where is the son!? If he’s failing to organize the visits and creates the closeness it’s somehow his wife’s fault that she does better by her family than he does by his?
Most women are more social and better at maintaining and organizing relationships than most men (obviously this is not true for all women or all men). That's a big part of why their families end up getting more time.
That’s a cop out.
You’re telling me a man doesn’t know how to invite his mom over? He doesn’t know how to ask to visit?
He doesn’t eat? He can’t point to a calendar and say “I will eat with my mom on this day”?
It's not that they "can't." It's that they *don't.* I chat on the phone with my mom once a week or so, and text more frequently. Most men I know don't do that with either of their parents. My husband is actually very social and chats with his mom from time to time, and makes arrangements with his family, but most of the men I know (including my brother) do not.
Anonymous
03/25/2018 22:28
Subject: Maternal grandparent advantage
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:It drives me so nuts that this is all focused on the dil, where is the son!? If he’s failing to organize the visits and creates the closeness it’s somehow his wife’s fault that she does better by her family than he does by his?
Most women are more social and better at maintaining and organizing relationships than most men (obviously this is not true for all women or all men). That's a big part of why their families end up getting more time.
That’s a cop out.
You’re telling me a man doesn’t know how to invite his mom over? He doesn’t know how to ask to visit?
He doesn’t eat? He can’t point to a calendar and say “I will eat with my mom on this day”?
Anonymous
03/25/2018 22:25
Subject: Re:Maternal grandparent advantage
I am close to both my mom and my MIL. My mom was however better equipped to help me when my babies were born.
Anonymous
03/25/2018 22:14
Subject: Maternal grandparent advantage
Anonymous wrote:It drives me so nuts that this is all focused on the dil, where is the son!? If he’s failing to organize the visits and creates the closeness it’s somehow his wife’s fault that she does better by her family than he does by his?
Most women are more social and better at maintaining and organizing relationships than most men (obviously this is not true for all women or all men). That's a big part of why their families end up getting more time.
Anonymous
03/25/2018 22:12
Subject: Maternal grandparent advantage
Anonymous wrote:It drives me so nuts that this is all focused on the dil, where is the son!? If he’s failing to organize the visits and creates the closeness it’s somehow his wife’s fault that she does better by her family than he does by his?
Sons are more interested in hanging out with their dads and don't care about forced holidays and dinners.
Anonymous
03/25/2018 22:10
Subject: Maternal grandparent advantage
It drives me so nuts that this is all focused on the dil, where is the son!? If he’s failing to organize the visits and creates the closeness it’s somehow his wife’s fault that she does better by her family than he does by his?
Anonymous
03/25/2018 21:54
Subject: Re:Maternal grandparent advantage
The bond between mother and daughter is light years different than mother and DIL. How the mother/DIL relationship develops takes a long time and must be allowed to develop naturally, not forced by marriage or even grandchildren. They must first become friends. Everything after that comes naturally.
Anonymous
03/25/2018 21:22
Subject: Maternal grandparent advantage
My mom was not good with kids, my MIL is much better with the kids. MIL spends way more time with kids.