Team OP here too, though I wouldn’t be too quick to ground as the kids get used to their new lives. You let this go on for a long time, I wouldn’t be quite so abrupt. Though I would do pretty much everything you’re doing.

When cooks breakfast in the AM? Are you a SAHM with two kids in school?

Go OP!!

Team OP here, too. I hope your husband and kids come to a realization that you are not doing anything out of this world. Your new way is the way a family is supposed to function.

100% Team OP! Your husband is probably secretly thinking to himself, “Well, at least I got away with it for as long as I did.”

Go OP go! Everyone will adjust and rise to the occasion and be better people in the long run. No one is going to react positively to having to take on more responsibility but it doesn’t mean it’s not a great thing to do!

Anonymous wrote:Genuine concern here: are YOU ok?

I'm kind of getting the feeling you were pushed past your breaking point.

I was a crazy woman the first couple of days. I was pushed way passed my breaking point. The only person that can take care of me is me. I am now working on self care and taking control of my home. The best way to do that is to make sure everyone is self sufficient and does their fair share. I take 1 hour for myself everyday and go to the gym or shopping. Sometimes I will just sit in the back yard and read a book. I told the kids if they interrupt my "me time" they are grounded the next day. It has to be an emergency. That is how serious I am about taking time for myself. Since I have started doing this I have felt a lot better.

Genuine concern here: are YOU ok?

I'm kind of getting the feeling you were pushed past your breaking point.

Anonymous wrote:Got a little crazier at the end but I'm still joining Team OP. Especially now that I know she works fulltime. Welcome to reality, OP's husband.

I am raising electronics obsessed lazy ungrateful spoiled kids. I did them or myself no favors by being their maid and spoiling them. I am going to do right by them now and make sure they turn into productive members of society. They might hate me now but as they get older I hope they appreciate it.

Got a little crazier at the end but I'm still joining Team OP. Especially now that I know she works fulltime. Welcome to reality, OP's husband.

The kids are 11, 11, & 13. I work full time outside the home. When I got back home from my short vacation I came home to a pig pen. He did not do a very good job holding down the fort if you ask me. It's okay though because it gave me the extra motivation I needed to implement the new rules. In the past I would have cleaned up all the mess. The kids cleaned up the pig pen after that trip. My H and kids received no peace until that place looked how I left it. I'm still mad at myself I have let this go on so long.

I'm now working on separating all our finances and working on a budget. This weekend I pulled all the electronics from the kids rooms and will be donating them. Moving forward they are going to play more outside and I am going to get them involved with sports. I am also going to limit their TV/internet time to 1 hour per day in the family room. I am also taking their cell phones from them. H got those for the kids without even consulting me. They can't get through a meal without looking at them. I'm just getting started.

If my husband had held down the fort with the kids on his own for four days, I would come home saying thank you. I would expect the same if he left for a guys vacation and I was on my own. I don't think this was the time to come home angry and completely revamp the home dynamics the way that you did, although certainly calling a family meeting and explaining that you are wiped out and need more help around the house would have been ok.

You don't say how old your kids are. Elementary? High school? Expecting young kids to have sandwiches for dinner or make their own is unrealistic.

Chores are great for kids! It's a positive thing to ask them to prepare their own cereal or learn to do laundry solo. But you should come at it from a mentality of "how can I help my children mature into functional adults" rather than from a place of anger. Kids are by definition needy, so being "sick" of them suggests anger at them, not parenting.

Are you a stay at home mom or do you work? Expectations for how much the working spouse should help out with things like meal prep and laundry depends on the answer. I don't think its unreasonable if you are a SAHM to manage the laundry and dinner - and I say that as a SAHM.

Sounds like doing this cold turkey and in anger only served to antagonize all of them. Would it really have hurt to call a family meeting, explain your feelings, explain that everyone in a family contributes, outline the things that need to be done, and then make assignments? Instead you’ve flipped it to become the selfish one who doesn’t care. Ironic. I think you let your anger and frustration get the best of you. You could have handled it a million times better.

Good for you!
I'm always amazed at men who believe cooking is either a woman's job or just plain refuse to do it when so many of the great chefs are men and commercial kitchens tend to be male-dominated.
I love watching the kids version of master chef because for the most part kids are doing a lot of the work themselves (I am convinced they get some assistance).

This sounds reasonable to me. Also, if they're old enough, they are perfectly capable of teaching themselves to cook as long as they aren't illiterate. Your husband isn't a child. He needs to grow up and do his part. I don't blame you, OP. I would have rebelled a long time ago had I been in your shoes.